People trying to "help"! And my reaction ....

if I snap back I come across as a total bitch well yes, you certainly would because there's no need to be rude or snappy with anyone who's just trying to be kind and helpful. So I'm afraid that your fears on this appear to be well founded.

It's not about disability. I was often offered help as a young, fit, healthy woman. And I accepted it gladly.

Similarly now if, for example, I'm offered a seat on a bus by a young person I accept it whether I need it or not so that they can feel good about themselves. Now yous can all accuse me of being patronising 🙄.

If people respond with grumpiness when others are trying to be kind, they'll give up trying. And who could blame them?

I agree Baggs. A young man gave me a money off voucher in M&S (which I didn’t need) but it made him so happy. He said he was aiming to do a good deed a day. How nice, and as a bonus it boosts the endorphins of the helper 😀
It’s always better to be nice than nasty.

I offer help to anyone who looks like they're struggling or could do with a minute of assistance regardless of age, gender, mobility etc, because I know how much a kind gesture can mean to me when I'm struggling. Thankfully, although I'm not always taken up on the offer, I've always been met with grateful politeness.
I love it when someone shows me a bit of concern and consideration, makes me realise that not the whole world has gone downhill.

Hennahead - I'm physically disabled because of rheumatoid and osteo arthritis which I was diagnosed with at 29 and a permanently damaged bad back from when I was 34, I'm in excruciating pain 24/7/365 and rely on a 4-wheeled seated Rollator to help me balance and stay upright. I also wear a hidden disabilities sunflower wrist band.

When someone offers to help me I always thank them and let them do it, even if I don't feel like I need help at the time.

Helping me on/off pavements with my Rollator, opening doors, whatever is always very much appreciated.

I'm 59, intelligent but not ''well educated'', I have 4 Basic Level 2 Certificates and that's it. I work 6 days a week f/t self-employed. I don't have a huge ego and am not offended when someone tries to help.

The day will come when NOBODY will offer to help you when you actually need it so don't be a bore and at least politely say thank you even if you don't need help at the time.

There was a Duke who used to wander along St James's in an old and rather shabby raincoat on the way to his aristocratic Club. Passers-by sometimes mistook him for a down and out and offered him a few pence which he always accepted with thanks. Noblesse oblige.

I am 81 but apparently I do not look my age. I dread to think what I look like when eg walking to the bus stop because the traffic stops to allow me to cross the road safely.

I am so embarrassed when that happens but I wave to their cars, being partially sighted I do not always see these helpful folk.

I have given up my seat on the bus to someone I thought needed it more than me.

I appreciate doors being opened and I always thank people. I have done the same but have been treated as the in-house door person!

In a jokey mood, I may say I would appreciate your help but only if you are coming home to care for me.

I rarely experience random arm grabbers.

HelterSkelter1

Oh dear. Helpers damned if they do and damned if they don't. I offered to help to a young woman with a pushchair getting off a train. I was obviously patronising but it was a high step down. Anyway it didnt stop me from offering similar help again in the future. And I do ask not just grab.

The only ones I would be angry with are people who take your arm and march you across the road without your permission.

Anyone else as Auntiflo says " thanks but I can manage" should do the trick.

That’s a great perspective! It’s awesome that you see it as kindness rather than something patronizing. We could all benefit from a little more understanding and compassion these days, so it’s nice that you approach it with that mindset!

Spuddy

Hennahead - I'm physically disabled because of rheumatoid and osteo arthritis which I was diagnosed with at 29 and a permanently damaged bad back from when I was 34, I'm in excruciating pain 24/7/365 and rely on a 4-wheeled seated Rollator to help me balance and stay upright. I also wear a hidden disabilities sunflower wrist band.

When someone offers to help me I always thank them and let them do it, even if I don't feel like I need help at the time.

Helping me on/off pavements with my Rollator, opening doors, whatever is always very much appreciated.

I'm 59, intelligent but not ''well educated'', I have 4 Basic Level 2 Certificates and that's it. I work 6 days a week f/t self-employed. I don't have a huge ego and am not offended when someone tries to help.

The day will come when NOBODY will offer to help you when you actually need it so don't be a bore and at least politely say thank you even if you don't need help at the time.

That’s a beautiful way to look at it. Offering help without assumptions is such a thoughtful gesture, and it really can make someone’s day. It’s reassuring to know there are still people out there showing kindness and consideration—it’s the little things that can make a big difference!

Silverfox99

HelterSkelter1

Oh dear. Helpers damned if they do and damned if they don't. I offered to help to a young woman with a pushchair getting off a train. I was obviously patronising but it was a high step down. Anyway it didnt stop me from offering similar help again in the future. And I do ask not just grab.

The only ones I would be angry with are people who take your arm and march you across the road without your permission.

Anyone else as Auntiflo says " thanks but I can manage" should do the trick.

That’s a great perspective! It’s awesome that you see it as kindness rather than something patronizing. We could all benefit from a little more understanding and compassion these days, so it’s nice that you approach it with that mindset!

The world will be a better place if we all watch out for each other .

It's actually nice people care really. Just say thanks but don't need help. Am in US most don't offer anything to anyone.

I have a hidden disability, arthritis in my back, after walking for a while I am in agony but don’t look it. I was so grateful when on a trip to London on the underground two young men jumped to their feet to offer me a seat. I gratefully said yes, my companion said a sharp no I can manage. Her comment to me was similar to the writer of this post. A lady sitting next to me said “if you refuse rudely they won’t offer again to help and someone else might need it”. It seems people who offer to help are dammed if they do and rammed if they don’t.

No wonder some younger (and older):people have even given up offering

There’s independence and there’s pig headedness, ingratitude, and bad manners.
I leave you to decide which is applicable in this instance.

RosiesMaw2

No wonder some younger (and older):people have even given up offering

There’s independence and there’s pig headedness, ingratitude, and bad manners.
I leave you to decide which is applicable in this instance.

I agree this poster sounds very ungracious.. we need all the kindness we can get and give in this very scary world..

I dread to think what I look like when eg walking to the bus stop because the traffic stops to allow me to cross the road safely.

Charleygirl That happened to me once 😅 I was in a retail park standing on the edge of the pavement looking up and down for MrA and realised the cars had all stopped. I glanced at the first car and the man smiled and waved me across the road. I didn't actually want to cross the road but, as he had been nice enough to stop, I did. 😅

RosiesMaw2

No wonder some younger (and older):people have even given up offering

There’s independence and there’s pig headedness, ingratitude, and bad manners.
I leave you to decide which is applicable in this instance.

This, totally.

When I was 19, I had a terriblecar crash, and my right leg was smashed to smithereens. 4.5 months in traction, 7.5 months in hospital, and 2 years on crutches, then 2 sticks, then 1- and it was very hard. People were kind and helped me all the time- I was young, slim and vgl- people helped because they were kind and cared. I shall forever be grateful for every bit of help and support.

It costs nothing to have manners and use them, these people are and have been willing to help you, manners maketh man in your case woman also. I was in a wheelchair for a few months and having to learn to balance again and was pleased when people wanted to help. I’m very independent. But I’d never ever be rude

Yes, people are trying to be kind and mean well but it's a bit of a shock to be confronted with the reality of your independence slowly slipping away. That's life, such as it is.

Ironically, I know from experience that Care Homes are the last places where you will find help, care and kindness. A thousand thanks to Providence that I was able to escape.

I live in a nursing home and know there is much kindness, help
and caring

That's a sweeping generalisation mae18 As Annibach says there is a lot of kindness to be found in care homes where often staff and volunteers go over and above to help the people they care for.

True sodapop I can speak only of the nursing home where I
live

I volunteer at a care home where I see care and great kindness every day

You may be well educated but you have no manners. On my old school wall were the words “Manners maketh the man”. I even thank the driver of a bus as I get off.

So glad that's the case Anniebach.
Think extending kindness and help is to be encouraged with grace and thankfulness.

I need to speak out, I cannot believe I live in the only nursing
home in the UK where there is much kindness. Staff certainly do not choose to work in these homes for high salaries. I speak
of carers, nurses, laundry, kitchen, maintenance, gardening, activities staff