90 yr old ‘spoiling’ our Bridge group

Do be kind. My Late MiL was 'evicted' from her carpets bowls club by being made to feel unwell and it was the start of a rapid decline in her mental health. She so looked forward to going to bowls every week but when she started slowing up at 83, the somewhat younger members made it obvious she wasn't wanted. She died at 85.

I think the answer is to have a group for advanced players with agreed criteria, of you have sufficient numbers

Fernhillnana

Gosh I’m just impressed that anyone can play Bridge, let alone a 90 year old. It’s so difficult to learn!

No it's not - if I can do it anyone can!

Thanks again for your suggestions.
I’ll have a word with our organiser and the other players to see if there’s a kind solution. I’ll pass on your ideas.

It's a difficult situation. Nobody wants to be unkind, it is really lovely that the elderly lady is still active enough to join in.

However, I was thinking how I would feel if it was me. I wouldn't want to be annoying people for any reason, and looking ahead I think I would prefer somebody explained what the difficulty was so that I could make my own decision whether to give up the group, or make an effort to speed up. That conversation will be a little difficult though.

kirkubbin notes at the table should not be allowed. The lady in question laughed it off to get away with it. Organiser/host needs to say something.
Apart from holding up others, it slows up learning too. Sink or swim is the best way forward ' mistakes reinforce learning

Do you have a bridge club nearby? If you do, you could play there sometimes and the U3a session wouldn't be your only play experience. Otherwise perhaps have 3 others to your home occasionally for fun

Gosh I’m just impressed that anyone can play Bridge, let alone a 90 year old. It’s so difficult to learn!

If you really are a lovely and tolerant group then you will continue to enable this woman to play for as long as she is able.. and do it with good grace

Jb2022 I absolutely love that your 97 year old Mum hosts a poker school! Fantastic!

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My mother is 97 and played bridge until the club closed for Covid. She has been hosting a poker school twice a week for about 30 years. They are all elderly but she is much older and nowadays she loses money every time but they all enjoy the banter.

I’m a U3A member and have come across this problem . We had a solution which might help. The gentleman in question, painfully slow but an excellent player, was asked if he would consider leading a group of people who were at the first stages of learning the game, but didn’t feel up to joining good players yet. It worked out beautifully.
His table of newcomers which he called “ my infants” learnt as he talked through all the things each Might be able to do with their hands. Three years later he’s still got his infants table but he regularly turns out good players and we have been considering having to expand into two separate groups and days.

It is quite a difficult situation and I am sorry but I don’t play Bridge too well but on our other games Scrabble etc we have started using timers because people are taking too long and reducing others time and pleasure .
Good Luck though !

We have a similar problem with a scrabble group. The lady is not very old but is unbelievably slow and then comes up with a simple word. She is spoiling the game for others to the extent that some members stopped coming and she seems unaware of her shortcomings.
I do not know of a solution.

If I was the faster player, I'd be thinking, "There but for the grace of God go I!" If someone tries to speed me up, I get slower. The stress of it causes me to get brain fog or lose my train of thought. I don't do it deliberately, nor can I help it. I'd hate to think that I was causing a problem but would still be hurt that people didn't want to play with me. I should imagine, judging by the state of my brain now, I'll be gaga by the time I am 90 so I think it is great that the lady is still out there strutting her stuff!

Lathyrus

How often do you meet? Our U3a things are once a month.

Set up a second group for more advanced play, which would include time limits?

We have three bridge groups. A beginners and leisurely, an improvers and an advanced, deadly serious😬

this

That is, the ‘not rude’ way

Ailidh

I wonder if the "laughed.... stupid" statement would be helped with additional punctuation. Although I did at first read it as that the group had laughed at her, I wonder if the notes-reading player, "laughed, when we commented, and said how stupid she was"?

That’s how I understood it too

Re being ‘stupid’ - I’ve had a few patches in the last few years where I’ve had what’s known as ‘brain fog’. I also suffer from chronic pain and don’t sleep very well. I wouldn’t bother joining a bridge club, because I’ve never been able to play it very well, and I’d be hopeless now. I might well call myself ‘stupid’ if I get something wrong, if so I’m comparing myself with how I was before the brain fog hit!

I think it’s likely that if it’s suggested to this lady that she’s spoiling the group for others, she’s likely to leave and not return. I’d be really hurt by that, even though I know my own limitations. I’m afraid I can’t see any likelihood of her speeding up if she can’t play any faster. She may be having a wonderful time!

I read it that the player in question said she was stupid, not anyone else. I hope that’s what happened.

I wonder if the "laughed.... stupid" statement would be helped with additional punctuation. Although I did at first read it as that the group had laughed at her, I wonder if the notes-reading player, "laughed, when we commented, and said how stupid she was"?

Oh dear !

This is an awkward situation .

Playing Bridge keeps your brain active and is important -therefore if timers don't work - I would say definitely say something or start another group .

One of my close friends ran a club for elderly people .

It was a great deal of work and frankly , some of them were horrendous !

One used to be extremely drunk , another would flounce out after shouting at people and another brought her extremely disturbed husband along .

We had many discussions on how to deal with the situation .

We decided to grin and bear it .

The lock down caused the breakdown of the group .

Since then , my lovely friend has died and what really shook me was the extremely poor turn out at her funeral .

kircubbin2000

We used to play bridge in the house and one lady, only in her late 60s,insisted on bringing her notes and going through them before bidding. It was very annoying and she just laughed when we commented and said how stupid she was.
Eventually one of the ladies left saying she was going to play with nicer people!

Not surprised the lady left.. I’d leave too if I was being told I was ‘stupid!’

Doesn’t sound like a very nice group at all. Hope she found somewhere better where people were a lot nicer

"It was very annoying and she just laughed when we commented and said how stupid she was.
Eventually one of the ladies left saying she was going to play with nicer people!"

I am not surprised that one of the ladies left to go and play with nicer people.........imagine how hurtful it must be for someone to say you're stupid!! Disgusting behaviour regardless of the circumstances.