Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

You have every right to be angry Whiff. Least you should do is write back and tell them what you've said above. You could take it even further but then it would be equally unpleasant and time consuming for you but definitely write a letter back and put them straight. What a rotten club, you're best out of it.

Hello Celieanne.

I realise that what I'm about to say is 'easier said than done' but do try not to take your nephew's decision to meet up with his cousin, the son whose estranged you, personally.

He's coming over to meet family who he has no memory of ever seeing or has never seen so they are essentially strangers to him, as he is a stranger to you.

You say that none of your family are bothered about seeing him and I'm assuming this means that they are prepared to attend a family get together for the benefit of your nephew, with your estranged son in attendance.

It may help to re frame this as your family doing what they can to accommodate your nephew, rather than behaving in a way which understandably for you, looks as if they lack any understanding of or concern for the way your ES has behaved.

If this has not already been arranged/addressed, it is perfectly reasonable for you to meet with your nephew, with or without other family but definitely without your ES being present.

Every single one of us who lives with the pain of being estranged by their own child, knows how difficult it can be when family or even friends have contact with the AC whose estranged us. It can feel at worse like a betrayal and at best a complete lack of understanding of the pain we've endure.

Only those who have been estranged by their AC can begin to understand what that is like and even then, only you know what it's like for you and only you can know how much it took to get through all of that pain at the worse time in your life, when you lost your DH.

You will be seeing the nephew who you last saw when he was a baby; enjoy it. Enjoy learning about the life he has in Australia and that he'll have come all this way to meet the family he has never known which includes his 89 year old aunt.

When our AC estrange us they don't just destroy our relationship, they destroy our dreams. They prevent us in many cases from having the life we thought we would have; from being GP's.

You have the opportunity to meet up with the nephew you probably never expected to see again. Don't let anything or anyone spoil it for you x

Thanks for that Whiff I find it odd how the doctor said I should be 10 for my age [3more than you] but that I was 12.
Strangely I had to visit the doctor for something else, thought I'd be given some cream to clear up an 'infection' but when I collected it, it was the same as what you have; Atrovastatin 20mg. I've taken 2 so far at lunch time, once cleared up, I'll stop, no side-effects so far. Hiding from my son as he would be august.

Good to read you enjoyed your theatre trip. My sister has just asked if I want to see 'Tony Hadley's Christmas Big Band in Nov. It wouldn't have been my choice but I'm sure it will be a great night out.

I'm posting, then back soon to finish reading your post Whiff..........

Well Whiff, they have chosen the wrong person to bully , stand firm, and as Smileless says show them your forum
Disgraceful discrimination!

Celieanne86 you have come to the right place. I am sorry about your husband and know you feel half of you is missing . I am glad my husband was long dead before my son estranged not just me but what is left of our side of the family. He hurt my brother very much and my nephew as they where close.

I had a kind loving son for 32 years . The realisation he is a cruel coward as he did it via email and follow up letter was hard. You are right all the things you say your son is so is my son. He knew at the time he sent the email they had found a problem with my heart showed just how little he cared. He called me vindictive and manipulative in his follow up letter.

They apply to him and my daughter in law . I had horrible in laws we hated each other on sight from 1975. My father in law died in 1988 not long after I had been in hospital for 3 weeks. I was born disabled he told me I was defective but at least he had the guts to say it to my face. I hated my mother in law for 40 years but I looked after for 11 years after my husband died she was 91 .

My son and daughter in law have turned into my in laws. Only difference at least my in laws said horrible things to our face . But I don't hate them but I decided after being estranged for 3 years in 2023 I never want to see my son ever again . We are strangers I am no longer the mom he knew and he is definitely not the son I knew. I have 3 grandsons with them don't know the name or date of birth of the youngest only he was due July 2020. If they decide to find me I won't hold back about their parents as I put up with a lot from them .

I totally understand why you feel as you do. I don't understand why after 60 years your nephew wants to meet . You are strangers as he was a baby when you last saw him what would you talk about .

Your carers should be more understanding. Are they from a private carer agency or NHS ? My cleaner is from a private care agency . Because of my disability and my need for planning and routine in my life. I know I will have a cleaner come every Thursday. They are trained in all forms of care as the agency offers what ever their clients need. They where recommended to me by someone I did a course last year as they help her shower.

When I told them about my son's estrangement they told me it has happened to clients they help. When one of their clients died and his siblings told him he said good but at least he didn't attend the funeral . So they could grieve in peace their mom had died years ago before the estrangement.

I cut my son out of my will in 2020 and took out both powers of attorney and my daughter and son in law are my attorneys . I trust my son in law the same way I trust my daughter. I never saw the estrangement coming but my lovely son in law said he knew things weren't right for years but didn't want to hurt me.

That's the difference between the couples one has done nothing but hurt me and the other nothing but love and caring .

My son will never know when I die as there is no need he nor my grandsons are in my will. Everything is left to my daughter and if she decides to give my grandsons anything its her choice. My husband and me always agreed children can inherit from their parents and grandchildren can inherit front their parents.

Does your other son and daughter have anything to do with their brother? And are they bothered about seeing your nephew in September?

Because I talk about my estrangement from my son his choice. I am amazed how many people are estranged from family members . One of my cousins wife her dad estranged her when she was a teenager when he left her and his wife for another woman and started a new famiky. She died when she was 53 theu had been together since they where 14. We got on like a house on fire. Somehow her dad found out she had died and came to the funeral luckily my other 2 cousins saw him before their brother did and threw him out. Infact the youngest of the brothers punched him as he tried to stay.

Keep posting how you feel we understand. This is a safe thread and thanks to Smiles and other long term estranged any horrors or trolls are soon sent packing . Safest thread on the estrangement forum.
🫂

I’ve been reading through all the posts today, I wonder do these estranged sons and daughters gather together to work out which phrases and comments and barbs will hurt their parents the most.
Well I’ve got some as well, loathsome, vindictive, ungrateful, spiteful and evil minded being just a few I can think of at the moment, and cruel, yes cruel when he knows his dad is dying of cancer,it could have been at any time.
It’s four years since my spoilt selfish brat of a son put the phone down on me because I was looking after my husband and it wasn’t possible to speak to him just at that moment.
Well I don’t want to speak to him now, he destroyed me at the funeral, he didn’t even speak to me or his brother and sister, or anybody as far as I know. I’ve stayed calm up until now, prayed he would understand and come back but it’s over, a switch has been clicked. I don’t know why, apart from I can’t understand. I don’t understand, he doesn’t want to know us.
My nephew who lives in Australia and who I last saw 60 years ago when he was a baby is coming over on holiday for a month to meet us all, he’s a year older than his cousin, knows the situation but wants to meet up with him. It’s affecting me badly as none of the family knowing how much he hurt his dad and me are bothered about seeing him. Help please, suggestions gratefully read and considered. I’m very old, 89 next month, totally disabled and looked after by carers who can’t understand why I’m not looking forward to
September and yes you have read about my whinging, moaning, never satisfied son before. I’m so glad I’ve got gransnet thank you 🥰

Smiles they want to keep there goody goody imagine especially as they where on BBC morning TV in January. And 6 weeks ago they asked the founder to go on and talk about people putting filled dog poo bags in the gaps in Hadrains wall.

I had let it go when I left if they want war then they picked on the wrong person . My tolerance for bad behaviour is at zero.

Also they can second in the local council award for volunteery services to the community.

Madgran I know exactly who they are. When they came on 10th May after I went I decided to leave and told the leader 2 days later I had left. After I had spoke to my exercise instructors to see if they had a problem with my disability, lanyard and me in general . Both just gave me a hug and said of course not and didn't understand why they would talk to me the way they did.
Putting it in black and white big mistake. Especially about having a carer or support buddy. Huge mistake.

Whiff Their behaviour is appalling. The fact they "want you to have a carer" suggests they may be worried about having to take responsibility if something happens. But even if that is their concern they could have just had a calm conversation with you; checked out properly any needs etc; let you explain re the lanyard etc. Their behaviour is disgusting! Sadly I suspect it is only a section of the group behaving in this high handed unkind and discriminatory way, and the rest maybe don't want to speak up incase they suffer as well. No excuse though! I'm sorry you have had this happen to you 💐

What do you mean they don't want you to talk about it Whiff .

could you tell them it's too late because you already have on an online forum and the responses you've had are that this is a disgraceful example of discrimination and passive bullying.

Thanks Yogin, Poppy was thrilled when I told her about the cake and flowers .

Yogin I am 68 and been told by my cardiologist my cholesterol should be 5 or under. I have been taking Atorvaststin 20mg one a day since January last year . My cholesterol was 4.4 last year this 3.5 . I have had problems with my sodium levels being low of well over 10 years but they where stable . This year they are in the normal range . I think the statin has stabilised my sodium levels. I have had no side effects from them I take them of a morning at 6am . They have a coating so they protect your stomach . My brother is on them as well but lot higher dose . He had to try several statins before finding one that didn't hurt his muscles in his legs.

I don't watch live TV and never think to watch Spring watch on iplayer. I used to love watching it.

Hope you enjoyed your hols even though the weather was bad. I am glad it rained when I went to Lancaster as I couldn't have done all I did in the very hot weather we had when I was home.

Smiles hope your neighbours dog is on the mend . Haven't seen partridges for years lucky you. Dog shows can be fun even if you don't win.

The concert was fabulous they did 2 musical encores it was 11pm before I got home . Haven't been out late on a Saturday since my daughters wedding . They didn't sell my companion ticket and there was a lady sitting behind it so told her to sit there as it was on the front of the box and it was pointless being empty.

Well the Wombles aren't satisfied I have left . Had a letter from them today. The letter is there version of what happened. On the subject of my lanyard I wear when out they decided and I quote" It was established that the lanyard did not serve the same purpose as a medical alert bracelet containing specific medical instructions"

My National Disability card I wear on National Disability lanyard . It has my picture name and date of birth. If I collapse or fall and medics needed they just need to put my name and date of birth into NHS data base they will see my medical records.

" During the discussion you appeared to minimise the seriousness of your condition, stating that it would never become a serious issue ".

I was born like this I was 63 before I had my diagnosis. Lived with this my whole life . Brought the children up without it effecting them I was just mom. My grandsons are growing up with a disabled nannie it not an issue with them . Looked after my husband, dad,mom and mother in law until they died. Move house myself.

They even have the gaul to expect me to have a carer or support buddy. Yes that is in the letter.

I am very independent and don't need a carer or support buddy. Bet they haven't said that to anyone else with a physical or mental disability.

My cleaner is from a care agency and they have to be trained in all aspects of care. She said what they did is passive bullying . I use a care agency because I my life runs on planning and routine this way I know a cleaner will come every Thursday.

I had checked with my exercise instructors before my first classes after they came . They don't see see my HPX,wearing my lanyard and how I am as a problem they both gave me a hug. At choir it isn't problem either.

They don't want me to talk about it but if anyone I saw at Wombles asks why I left I will tell them . They think they can gag me good luck with that.

As far as I was concerned I left and that was the end of the matter . But no they don't want to let it go.

Fellow Wombles had asked for my advice on things that I knew about and pointed in the right direction to get the help they needed . They followed my advice and got the help they needed and thanked me.

And yet I am seen as a problem . To say I am angry 😡 is an understatement.

For Poppy

Morning all, hope you all had a good weekend.

Glad you enjoyed your holibobs Yogin even though the weather let you down.

Well all I can say about yesterday is 'we was robbed^!!! There was a dog show on site yesterday and not only did our little Poppy not win, she wasn't second or third either .

It was good fun though and as she had absolutely no idea what was going on, she wasn't in anyway offended .

Well back from my holibobs, had a good time, despite the rotten weather.

Whiff sounds like you have lots of nice wildlife to look at by you. Are you watching 'Spring watch' I caught up with it last night, along with gardeners' worlds, lovely programmes.

Bet you were tempted with the little toy poodles Smiles. I don't like to think about when I had my little Lilly done, she was so poorly, came out walking very slowly with her head down . Joey was already done when I adopted him, so didn't have to go through that horrible situation.

Doing lots of washing today, need to shop after taking Joey for his walkies.

Take care all, nicer day today xx

Morning all.

Disappointed with the weather this morning as I thought it was going to be a bit warmer especially as we had some lovely warm sunshine yesterday, but it's chilly here again so we've had the 15 minute heating booster on again.

Our neighbours little Westie had his op yesterday and bless him, looks so cute in his post op suit but is not a happy chappy this morning.

Little Pip really struggled after his, so much so that I had him back to the vet three times that week!!! At the third visit she assured me that everything was fine and said that he's a bit of a wimp; I think she was right.

When our cockapoo had her op, we couldn't believe how she was the next day. The only thing I worried about with her was that she'd pull her stitches because she was charging around as if nothing had happened .

A friend sent us some pics of three 12 month old toy poodle sisters who have just been rescued and need re homing. Poor little things, it's heartbreaking that some dogs are badly treated but we have 4 days away next month and a week away in August, so there's no way I could have taken one.

Apparently there's been a lot of interest so it wont be long before they get loving homes.

Morning everyone, I hope you all had a good weekend.

We had a lovely meal out on Saturday which made up for Friday's.

Hope you enjoyed the concert on Saturday Whiff, it's great to have the opportunity to hear music played live. Good news about Babs and Mr. B. happy and settled in their new home .

Well you've certainly made up for the lack of birds in your garden Yogin. Wildlife and flowers on the doorstep are a real joy aren't they.

We had our game of golf and were entertained by three partridges running around on the course, who seemed to know they were quite safe as only one of us is able to hit the ball a long way. Not me I hasten to add.

Hope things have settled down Allsorts .

Lovely to hear about the fox cubes. I know people who have those door bells thingy that if they set them for a wide range pick up animals in the night . I am sure its the hedgehog that sets off my security lights as it goes under my garden gate. Saw it once. I have a frog in my garden he appears when my gardener is here but dont see it otherwise. Have lots of birds. The park is only 2 roads away but there is also a valley within walking distance . Now I am feeling better if its not to hot I will take a walk there. It's not far but with my sense of direction I will have to go out the way I go in. There is some marsh land and a bridge over the water so has beautiful flowers and bullrushes . All water insects love seeing the dragonflies. There are deer but never seen them. Last year even though I went away and did my usual things just hadn't got the ability to do things I love closer to home.

The care firm where I have my cleaner a member of staff came to see me to see if I was happy with the service and I mentioned going to the beach. She said they could take me instead of cleaning so added activities to the contract cost the same. My cleaners had mentioned if I wanted to go shopping they could do that.There are no buses to the beach. I have emailed the bus companies but they have no plans to run a service to any of the beaches here.

There is no excuse for bad cooking or cold food in a restaurant. I can understand why you didn't sent it back as the lady took you as a thank you and didn't want to upset her.

I have more concerts booked for this year and 4 for next year. A friend from sit fit is going with me I just mentioned I had booked my tickets for Sir Bryn Terfel singing Schubert. She said she had a ticket. Said you can get a refund and I have a free companion ticket plus my seats where better. So she had her ticket refunded. It's in April on her birthday. I am going by myself tonight been to lot of others myself. But the friend who was going with me her husband had his cataract done on Thursday and she knows he wouldn't do what the hospital said. But she let me know last week. So phoned the box off and said I didn't need so it gives them chance to either sell it or gift it. In a box tonight.

Heard from Babs they are loving life in their bungalow ,have better health care, there's a community bus and good public bus service. They are very glad they moved .

Take care all.

Morning all

Well, it was quite a nice day yesterday & the evening was beautiful, so I swapped hoovering for gardening, it was joyful. So, I hope you got your golf in Smiles. Lovely to hear about your little animals. I love Haddock, have it every Tuesday with mash & fresh veggies.

I have my white dove that I call 'Snow White. When I put the fat balls out this morning, I called to her to come down, and she landed right by my head as I was up on a stall hooking up the feeder, so she's getting used to me. I have 2 squirrels I call onenut & twonut, as that's how many they can get in their mouths . I have fledgling Starling, blackbirds, Robins, Bluetits and great tits. I'm going on a bit as when I first moved here there were no birds, save the wood pigeons along with no flowers and now I have lots of both , so I'm really pleased & happy.

Allsorts & Whiff my cholesterol reading is 12, the doctor said; normal for my age is 10. I'm not taking the statins. Everyone I speak to is on them, many cut the dosage and some stop due to side effects.

Allsorts hope your family crisis sorts itself out. I'm away next week, weather not looking good!

Whiff enjoy your concert, shame about the free ticket going to waste. I remember my nan had an outside loo with big gaps in the door, not good in the winter

Have a nice weekend all, my poor DD&GDs are at a Scots all day event today, hope the weather improves for them.

Morning all. It's a wet and slightly chilling morning here, so different to what we had last weekend.

I enjoyed reading about the memories you have of time spent with your nan Whiff. I adored my maternal GM and have many wonderful memories of time spent with her as a child and an adult.

I was dusting her photograph yesterday and telling her how horrified she's be if she knew what had happened with her great grandson .

I'm sure you'll enjoy the concert this evening. If I lived near you I'd have been happy to go, some of the music composed for films is fabulous and it will be lovely to hear it being played live.

Neighbours told us yesterday that on Thursday night the two fox cubs were chasing one another around our cars. I often wonder what's going on outside when we're asleep, as there will be a lot of wildlife around when everyone's tucked up in bed.

Had a very disappointing meal out last night. Mr. S.'s haddock in beer batter looked lovely but my duck with glazed honey was very bland, anemic looking and barely warm, and the vegetables so under cooked al dente that I could barely cut into them!!!

A lovely lady from church had taken us out as a 'thank you' for coming to us for a Sunday dinner on several occasions so I didn't say anything but had it just been the two of us, I'd have sent it back.

Mr. S. said we wont be going back but it was a lovely setting and sometimes it just depends on what you order, so at some point we'll give it another go and I wont order the duck.

Out again this evening to a tapas restaurant which we know does great food so looking forward to that.

Hope you all have a good weekend and manage to stay out of the rain.

Purplepixie nice to see your name back on the thread. I don't mean its nice its been over 11 years since your estrangement you know what I mean. Glad you see your granddaughters
at least your daughter knows how much they need you and you them. I spent lot of time with my nan and looked after from when I was 11 when ill of a weekend . Two aunts who didn't work looked after during the week. But I never saw it as strange it was quality time with my nan. Did some shopping for her and she loved me cooking her meals. No fridge just a cold slab in the pantry ,no hot water tap and outside loo with big gap at top and bottom of the door. People are surprised when I say that but then explain why they where there. It's so any bats,rats or mice could escape when they heard someone coming. Holding the candle with a match box watching the spiders. My grandsons think its funny going to the loo by candle light.

People think it strange I did that but I was the only granddaughter for 19 years and its what my extended family did. Whatever a family member needed then rest of family helped out . I supposed because there wasn't all the things we have today. Remember hire purchase and rented telly's. Having things on the tick at shops and my nan when the kids where young sent my mom to pawn shop on a Monday then Friday to get things back. The wedding ring of my nans I have was what my mom saved and brought her. Nan never pawned that one because mom brought it. Grandad brought her 2 but nan never could afford to get them back.

Yogin I have been taking statin since January last year. They found slight furring in my right artery so to prevent further build up I take it. But have found it helpful. My cholesterol was 4.4 last year this 3.5 but the best thing for well over a decade had low sodium levels but stable. This year my sodium levels are in the normal range and I am sure its down to the statin. My brother cholesterol was 7.2 he has been on statin for 10 years took a while to find one that suited him but his cholesterol is 3. 4 and been stable for 5 years.

I never thought I woukd take a statin but its low dose and had no problems with it. Taking it will hopefully prevent me having a stent in my heart. My brother has 2 in his . He has permanent AF, I have PAF and the hole in the side of my heart I was born with but its small so safer to leave alone which I am happy about .

Smiles glad you have your water back. It's hard not to flush the you can't except when you need to. It's amazing how much water it takes to fill the cistern . My loo has button which you can either full flush or half flush depending on what you need. Loving seeing all the animals and birds close to your home . Did you manage to play golf?

Allsorts sorry you have family problems at the moment . Hopefully everything will get sorted out. Health care is a post code lottery. I am lucky I moved where the health care is excellent. After my visit to my GP on Monday have another thing to add to my list of health conditions but its treatable .

Yesterday booked my train tickets for next month when I visit my brother, sister in law,adopted dad as I call her dad and Aggie their dog. Plus booked my tickets for my August holiday. And me planning ahead booked my room for Aberystwyth in May next year. I need an accessible room so always go in a Primier inn . What makes me laugh is when I say I am going on holiday they ask who with and say me. Disability doesn't mean incapable. Just have to find ways to do things your way. But I couldn't do what I do without going on the train with travel assistance.

A friend of my grandson is on holiday for 3 weeks in Japan. I said to my daughter I thought you weren't supposed to take children out of school during term time. She said you aren't but they have just paid the find . No idea how much that is per child.

Off to the Phil tomorrow night for a concert of film music. Gave my free ticket back as no one want to go with me. But at least they can either sell it or gift it to someone else.

Have a good day everyone and hope you don't get soaked through.

Thanks all. X

Morning everyone.

The water issue has been resolved Allsorts so I no longer have to repeat the 'do not flush' mantra when I go to the loo. So sorry that you're have a family crisis going on at the moment x

We are so lucky to be living here as the wildlife is simply amazing. Last night 3 beautiful hares were on the golf course with a leveret, a heron on the pond and the best of all, a fox cub.

We've seen dad a couple of times and glimpsed the cub, but last night s/he was standing by our neighbours car .

Whiff, so sorry about what happened it myst have been upsetting for you.
Smilekess my sympathies about not flushing, I hate that to. Hope problem soon solved.
Yoga, I was prescribed Statins but don’t take them. I cut out processed foods and do not eat sugar anyway. Never been tested again to see what my reading is. I think my surgery thinks anyone over a certain age too much of a drain on resources. When is your holiday?
Got a bit of a family crisis at present and sorry for not contributing much,

Morning everyone.

Oh Whiff that must have been upsetting, thank goodness you're alright and that you were helped by such kind people. I hope you got some rest over the weekend .

That's a long time PurplePixie and although you're able to see your beautiful GD's the pain of being estranged from their mum will remain .

We had a very frustrating weekend with most of it spent with no running water . The majority of the site's water comes from a bore hole and there was an issue with the pump.

The touring site is supplied by Yorkshire Water so we were able to refill bottles from there but it was very frustrating having to remember not to flush every time we used the toilets because when we did, we had to refill which took over 3 litres of water.

I hate it if I can't flush.

Good news about your MOT yogin despite being told you have high cholesterol which it seems to me that everyone over a certain age is told they have.

Mr. S. was prescribed Statins but needed a couple of changes before he found some that agreed with him.

We had plenty of rain here last night and it's raining again so looks as if our ladies round of golf planned for this afternoon will be cancelled. We're 'fair weather golfers' .

PurplePixie

Morning all

Good to see the rain today and that it's a lot cooler.

Sorry to read about your fall Whiff sounded awful, good job some nice people stopped to help you. I realised I don't like Jazz when I went to a music night with my friend.
My mot all good but I was shocked to learn I have high cholesterol, the doctor prescribed me statins, which frighten the life out of me, sure I will not be taking them, my HC is the inherited type.