Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

Afternoon everyone,

Anyone doing anything new and interesting as the new school starts?

Evening or day class for instance?

Turns out my EstDS has been telling my DGS porkies about why they don’t see me. (He’s prevented them seeing me).

Like I’m detained, in prison or some such. Two of my DGDs are adults now, if he has done that, he’ll have to dig himself out.

I hope and pray (hard) that my eldest DGD keeps pushing and finds me.

SparklyGrandma I imagine my son and daughter in law have told my grandsons thats if the 2 eldest remember me either I am dead or don't want to see them. My eldest grandson was 10 this week he's brother's are 8 and 6. Last time I saw the eldest 2 they where 4&2 . Don't know the name of date of birth of their brother as he was due in July 2020.

To be honest if my grandsons do want to find me they will but I am 68 now not intending to die anytime soon . Whether they bother when they are adults is up to them. But they will know the truth about their parents and I won't hold back .

Decided 3 years ago never want to see or hear from my son ever again . We are strangers . I am not the mom he knew and he is not the man I knew. I still love him but the son I had for 32 years not the son aged 39 now.

I am lucky have my daughter, son in law and 2 grandsons 8 and nearly 6.

This week put away the 8 photos of my sons boys in a cupboard along with rest of photos . And filled the frame with photos if my great nephew who was born begining of April. I will never see him in the flesh as I will never go back to the black country and doubt my niece and family will visit. They have a dog. While ok when my brother and sister in law stayed and brought their Jack Russell that was fine Aggie is lovely. I don't know my nieces dog and its a medium sized mongrel.

I hope you get your wish and your eldest granddaughter does find you but be careful if she does . You don't know what ammunition your son has instilled into his children to hurt you and please don't give her any money. I know its your choice but it may be they only thing they get in touch with you. Also hoping to be in your will. Life has taught me to be careful of other's motives and money is usually the root of what people want .

I cut my son out of my will in 2020 and left nothing to my grandsons. My husband and I believed children inherit from their parents and up to their parents if they want to give the chikdren anything.

After my husband died both the chikdren said they don't want any inheritance and to spend money on myself . I am proud of both couples they rented and saved to buy their own homes ,cars and paid for their own weddings with no help from me .
May sound old fashioned but thats the way it should be . Phrase I hated is bank of mom and dad. If children and grandchildren want something them they need to save for it. We did and went without luxuries and had camping hols .

My hols all over for the year. But booked for Aberystwyth in May and Oban in September next year. Hopefully go to see my brother and sister in law in July as usual and already decided to go somewhere in August haven't decided where yet.

My week is its normal sit fit Monday ,move it or lose it Tuesday. Wednesday night choir we are learning Eleanor Rigby, Love story,We built this city and Elastic heart. Cleaner comes on Thursday's. I went with a care company that way I know someone will come every Thursday. But included activities into it . Today no cleaning. I sorted out some old cross stitch magazines all 136 of them tied those in year order and checked with the hospice shop they are going to price them . Plus all the special cross stitch magazines. I know what cross stitchers will pay for charts and how much they cost in the first place. I don't knock things about so they are in good condition. Ranging fro 2016 to 2020. If its not raining go to the beach and if time go for a hot drink and treat on me. I have my cleaner for 90 mins .

So far my daughter is having problems getting the boys to say what they want for Christmas. She did say they needed new aprons for when they cook and back . I have always brought them . Had them specially made because they are both tall and skinny the 8 year old is my height 5' 1". He's brother is cleavage high on me.

Back to 3 from GN monthly lunch club as we call it as one has been ill so only 2 of us last 3 months . But out on the 30th table all booked.

Any way better post and read what I have missed . Will be back but this has taken me 90 mins to write .

Morning everyone.

Well Sparkly doesn't this just highlight that some EAC know they had no justification to estrange their parents and deny their children those GP's which is why they lie.

I hope that our GS's never seek me out. I wouldn't want to be confronted with two young men and the stark reality of what we were so cruelly denied.

We went to our nearest garden centre yesterday which always has the most amazing Christmas section. It's huge and takes a couple of months to set up for October 1st.

This year they've excelled themselves and a long entrance replicates Narnia with beautifully lit trees and a lit lamp post.
We just love the run up to Christmas which never ceases to amaze me bearing in mind it was Christmas Eve, 14 years ago that we were estranged so have never experienced this time of year with GC .

We're going to get a metal frame which attaches to either end of the dining table and decorate it with all things Christmas as I haven't decided what to do about a Christmas tree yet.

So many beautiful things to tempt but not having nearly as much room as we used to have, I have to be content with looking rather than buying which suits Mr. S. .

I did buy a white poodle tree decoration, not for the tree but in memory of little Pip which will of course be out all year round. Mr. S. did make me laugh when he said "it looks nothing like him" to which I replied it's white and it's a poodle!!!

Little Ziggy is in to everything so we may settle for the small tree we have which we can put on a table so it's out of reach and not use our beautiful glass baubles just in case but at least we'll have the sizeable table decoration if not.

You're certainly organised with your holidays Whiff. Our only plans so far are to go to Hadrian's wall which we had to cancel this year because Poppy was so unsettled without her brother.

My dearest friend is coming on Saturday for a few days and is really looking forward to meeting our new addition so we'll have 3 dogs to control while she's here. Her Cockapoo loves to play which Poppy's never been in to so I think she'll be rather pleased with Ziggy.

Poppy does play with him which she'd never done before so you never know, Dolly may get a pleasant surprise if she wants to play with her too.

Have a lovely weekend Smileless with your friend and her dog. The western gas been wonderful this last week.
Whiff, the older children get the more challenging to buy for.
Now mind are much older it's cash as things I bought, were frequently changed, although I always checked first.
I am only havinga small tree, doubtful if it's more than me that sees it. However, had wonderful Christmas all my life abd it was bound to happen, don't take it for granted but usually go to my son and dil for dinner as try have pets and children that frequently have their friends popping in which I love to see too.

Whiff thank you for your kind advice. I am hoping I’m not hurt again or badly.

Garden centre - Smileless plant rescue centre I’ve decided to call mine in my area.

Thank you, both.

My apple tree gave me 43 apples and this is my first crumble I’ve made from them;

Dam lost my post . Only ever happens on GN . To tired to start again. Had covid jab yesterday got a sore arm .
Have wonderful time with your friend Smiles and the dogs will have fun .

Sparkly crumble looks delicious hope you had custard with it .

Whiff this pad is ready for the bin, I check every sentence, read it back as a whole and there's many words changed, mainly to tiger or giraffe for some reason, also changes for to fir, so I change words again, press send and there again are mistakes.
Your crumble looks good Sparkly, I like mine with Cornish ice cream. I often make an individual one for myself. Like preserved ginger in too.b

Morning all

Your right Smiles about the lying as to why we are not in our GC lives, my s.i.l is the biggest liar on the planet!

I always insisted on a real tree at Xmas, loved the smell and going out to choose it. But last year I bought a really nice artificial tree, as like you Smiles moved to a smaller place. I was really pleased with it last year, it fitted in perfectly and no mess!

Joey is sitting on my lap as I type, so typing over him. Now and again he taps my arm down .

Enjoy your friends visit Smiles

Allsorts as you get older your world shrinks. I remember always having about 12-14 for Xmas dinner, over the years it gets smaller and smaller. I'm lucky to always have Xmas dinner with my DD, GC & S. Pray that never changes. Not forgetting my little doggie of course.

Sparklygran How wonderful, your apple crumble looks good enough to eat with some lovely custard. I didn't get any apples from my tree this year, think it needs another fruit tree to pollinate with. I would like to get a crabapple tree as they have amazing flowers in spring, also I grew up on Crabtree Ave.

Whiff enjoy your lunch with your GN friends. Next weekend I'm meeting up with some friends I see about 3/4 times per year, we always have a lovely time catching up. Also going for lunch with my park friend the Thursday after.

Your very good booking all your holidays, I would like to go on more, but I hate the thought of leaving Joey.

Yogin if you go on holiday some hotels and air B&B' are dog friendly . So you and Joey could go together.

I have to book my room early at Premier inn as I need an accessible room. All Premier inns and Travelodges had accessible rooms for walking and wheelchair disabled. They are the only chain hotels to have them at every hotel. Other chain hotels don't. Private hotels hardly have them plus they charge £20-25 a night if you are on your own.

It was delicious with custard, I hope my apple tree bears more fruit next year.

It’s a new experìence eating food I’ve grown, even if it’s only part of the dish or meal.

Thank you Yogin Allsorts Whiff Smileless

If Grandchildren seek you out just remember parents had to to justify why you were not in their lives, they love their parents, don't know us, so unless they can live with the fall out at home, it doesn't work. Your heart breaks all over again.

Thank you Allsorts it’s a minefield, isn’t it? My eldest DGC has just been to university and no doubt heard many varying options and perspectives there.

My niece is estranged from her parents but, thankfully, allowed and accommodated, her daughter to visit her grandparents. She is 10 now (started when she was 8) and they have a lovely relationship.
My grandniece is beginning to ask questions now. My sister and brother in law have let their daughter know this by email (which is how they communicate for arrangements)
They put the estrangement in place, they can explain the reasons to their daughter.

@Whiff For me, knowing when to let go and accept the situation was the hardest battle. I hope you find peace and comfort with your situation.

@whiff I can't even find the post I was replying to so sorry if this feels off topic now. The lack of post editing or deleting here is crazy to me.

Haven't ignored your post Beescrete but written a reply 3 times and it disappeared each time . Will try again tomorrow.

Beescrete I am happy with my decision 3 years ago and never want to see or speak to my son ever again . He destroyed any trust I had in him. The love I feel is for the son I had for 32 years. Not the 39 year old man he is now. We are strangers. I am not the mom he knew . I last saw my eldest grandson and his brother when they where 4&2. Now 10,8 & their brother 6. I don't know his name only his due date in 2020. I wouldn't recognise the 2 I know. But we live in differnt parts of the city I live north west of it and they south east. So would never cross paths.

My daughter in law wrote on reddit father in law died to get away from mother in law. That sums up what sort of woman she became . She never knew my husband and he died in agony and unable to breath on full oxygen from cancer. I had to tell him to stop we would be ok he died few minutes later aged 47 at home in our bed with me and the children. They where 20&16.

When my son estranged not only me but all our side if the family he knew I was waiting for further tests on my heart as they found a problem. Turned out I was born with a hole in the side of my heart as well as my rare hereditary neurological condition. I have visible and invisible disabilities. But it didn't stop me being a hands on mom. When the limb jerks started when I was 29 I was a hands on mom . Only thing I couldn't do for years was go out by myself. When in a wheelchair so we could go out as a family. As our daughter was 4 years and son 6 months old when it started. Both moms took it in turns to take the children out . Once our

Daughter went to high school she told us she would take her brother to and from school. My mother in law never visited again. Mom still came once a week .

My son and daughter in law have turned into my in laws. And my son doesn't know his grandfather as he died when he was few months old. But he knows how they both treated us. My son and daughter in law knows exactly how his grandmother treated us. I hated my mother in law for 40 years. But I still looked after her for 11 years after my husband died. In a way it was my revenge as everyone knew I looked after her so she couldn't slag me off.

I was brought up you don't turn your back on family. My husband love his parents but didn't like them. When they kicked off at us we walked out but still went back the next week. Sounds odd I know if I had my way we would never have saw them . But my husband would never give up on them . He got what he needed from my large extended family lots of love and attention. Things his own parents never gave him.

My mother in law after my husband died deigned she had a son ,2 grandchildren and refused to go too their weddings.

Her brother turned up after she died. Says a lot about her.

My daughter laughs I and her boys have more active social life than she does. See them usually every 2 weeks it depends on what my grandsons have on of a weekend and if I am busy. But she checks up on me everyday. And even thought my choir is only round the corner from me I have to let her I am home. At least she has stopped asking if any stray cats followed me home. Its a choir where you don't have to be a good singer but love singing. No audition just asked if you sing high or low. So I am a Alto. I love it . Enough about me. Better go as my post keeps flicking.

Yogin some apple trees have a rest for a year or so, after giving a good harvest.
My gardener helped me on Thursday to take out my tired courgette plants, tomatoes and runner beans.

We’ve planted cabbages, swede and broccoli winter hardy plants.

Rolling on to C******, hoping for a lighter vibe around it, for everyone here.

SparklyGrandma have a good recipe for apple cake if you would like it . Its an old recipe I have used since I married in 1981. It freezes and can be made with gluten free flour and you can't tell the difference between ordinary flour. Been tested by people and they couldn't tell the difference.

My damson tree produced damson for the first time last year it was 7 years old. This year produced damsons again but both years they where poor quality so left them for the birds.

My brother has an apple tree in his garden its very old and produces loads of apples . Bramley the best for cooking. He uses some but gives most away. Our dad would have made the excess into wine. He has an eating apple and pear trees on his allotment both laden with fruit.

Only grew tomatoes in my greenhouse this year . Crop was delicious but decided to give up, so my greenhouse is now storage for pots etc. Usually grow French beans and courgettes but didn't this year.

I want a mobility scooter so needed to clear out my garage. Will wait now until the sales in January to get it. It won't be for everyday use but allow me to go too Aldi and not need a taxi back plus go over a valley never me . Haven't been able to walk that far since coming out of hospital January 2025. Still use buses,trains and taxis and get about. I can still walk but have to pace myself as I do stupid thjngs like push myself to far and my chronic fatigue hit me the other week and floored me.

Why is it when I go on holiday I pace myself and plan exactly where I want to go and rest but home I think I am superwoman 🦸‍♀️ 😅.

Smiles any chance of a pic of Ziggy . Bet he has grown and hopefully given Poppy a relief from her grief. Sounds odd but even though not a pet owner I do think especially dogs do grieve and Poppy would be grieving for her brother. I know dogs grieve for their owners when they die.

Been buying new Christmas tree ornaments since the summer from Esty as decided to redo my tree this year . Some of my decs were over 40 years old but still good so taking them to my favourite charity shop after my flu jab on Friday.

Got all my Christmas cards ,advent cards for my 2 grandsons. I dont buy chocolate ones but there parents do. Got most Christmas parents either here or on order. Plus wrapping paper.

With friends we decided on just cards as we just buy what we want . My great nephew will have money. I will never see him in person but my niece sends me pics and updates on his adventures.

Getting colder so hope everyone wraps up and has their heating on.
Hugs to all.