Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

I know why the nightmares have started . Woke up shouting for my dad last night . Monday would have been my husband's 69 th ,Tuesday the date of our first date in 1975 and the 6 th 22nd anniversary of his death. We where married for 22 years. Haven't shed a tear yet which is unusual as I normally have by now . Hence my nightmares. Problem is the nightmares set my HPX off and my limbs stiffen and end up like a starfish. But they soon loosen and get back to sleep .

Busy all day Monday and Tuesday. Going out of the day on Friday not sure where yet but I don't want to stay home.

I remember years ago asking my son when did he think grief will end he said probably 20 years. But there is no end and gets worse . Just hope he remembers next week about his dad ..I know my daughter never forgets.

Hope you have a nightmare free night dear Whiff xx

Sorry to read you're having nightmares Whiff xx

I only have one picture up, a group one of us all, but it was so long ago, the children now all adults, seems another life.
Alexa seems brilliant but I don't like the idea of it always observing me, however those with them say how brilliant they. are.
Since I told people, when asked about my daughter, it was surprising how many opened up about their family problems but I seldom mention it now.
Would hate all my business out there like the celebs do.

Allsorts I would never say anything if the boys asked without clearing it with my daughter. We decided before we had kids once they where 18 if they asked for advice then we would give it but otherwise say nothing . My husband dieing when they were 20&16 did it with my son from then.
It's my thinking ahead and the way my life works by planning ahead and routine. Plus next week it would have been my husband's 69th birthday on Monday ,Tuesday anniversary of our first date in 1975 and the 6 th 22 years since he died . The length of time we where married.

I don't feel sad but the nightmares have started which I haven't had for years. So in a bit of a jumble at the moment. But busy everyday this week and next .

Yogin I have the last picture of my son's eldest in my living room next to family photos. They were 4&2. Few years ago my daughter's eldest asked who the boys where I told them their names he asked if I played with them and said no . He didn't ask again . I have 8 photos of the in a frame my son and daughter in law brought me the last Christmas. Had their hand prints in it and some photos but I changed them to my favourite photos of them. All pics of my son and daughter in law are in a cupboard.

I never talk about any of them to anyone in the family. My brother gets angry not with me but them . But I do talk about them if anyone asks how many children I have and grandchildren. At the last cuppa and chat the lady next to told me about her sister who cut ties via a vicious text years ago . Before that they where very close she doesn't understand why she changed . Like me she didn't know it was called estrangement.

Lost count of the number of people who have told me about it happening to them . But at least it's not a taboo subject anymore. This thread has helped me so in my odd way I try and help others .

Yoginimeisje

I had one of those smart plugs for years, just given it to the charity shop. Do you have to plug all the lights into the smart plug? If so it's no different to having them on a multi-plug. I don't have an Alexa, they do sounds good.

Whiff we talk about my estD & estC, I don't have lots of pictures up since moving, just one of my 3C when they were all very small, my GC ask who they all are and we just say. We have conversations about them; just saying your auntie J or your cousins L&J they don't ask any more questions.

Yes, you plug each appliance into its own smart plug so that each one connects to WiFi

I am fortunate to have a tech savvy husband who loves gadgets and he has set up Alexa to do so many things. The house lights, the garden lights and the Christmas lights etc. and my only problem now is that he does so much of this tech stuff that I have never learnt how to do it. I struggle to put our TV on too as we have 3 remote controls !!
I do find Alexa useful for other things, especially if I am travelling to my daughters and I ask Alexa what the traffic is like. It’s also great fun with my 6 year old GC as we ask Alexa all sort of funny things - and play children’s songs. So worth having I’d say.

Morning everyone. I hope the weather is better where you are because it's horrendous here and unfortunately Mr. S. has to go out as we're having a new meter fitted at the shop because we've changed suppliers.

My only experience of Alexa was when we were at our neighbours and requesting songs that we wanted to listen too. For some reason when Mr. S. spoke, he was ignored and said it was like being at home!!! Flaming cheek .

I had one of those smart plugs for years, just given it to the charity shop. Do you have to plug all the lights into the smart plug? If so it's no different to having them on a multi-plug. I don't have an Alexa, they do sounds good.

Whiff we talk about my estD & estC, I don't have lots of pictures up since moving, just one of my 3C when they were all very small, my GC ask who they all are and we just say. We have conversations about them; just saying your auntie J or your cousins L&J they don't ask any more questions.

I always answered any questions honestly Whiff as you do and children have to realise sometimes you don't have all the answers. It is a big thing for them to take in that grown ups do unkind or silly things in the heat of the moment, when their own parents are not like that but just the opposite. You and your daughter and sil and extended family are supportive and loving so they won't feel as if it might happen to them. Lets hope you have a few years before that question is asked and I would discuss with your d how they plan to respond so you are united. It is discussed more freely now so they will probably have an idea when they eventually ask. Others may think differently though.

Hilltop I will differently research it . As unless I write things on my calendar I can forget. My only problem is my speech can get stuttery ,slurry and I can't always get the words out . I am waiting for speech therapy. Will have to see if Alexa can still recognise if your speech is different.

That's what I love about this group is not just estrangement by everyday things . A group of friends having a chat .

Whiff, I've only had Alexa for a few weeks and l don't know many of it's uses yet. But l like that it changes radio programs without twiddling knobs and l can just ask it to be louder or quieter. Can ask it stuff without having to Google. I say "good morning- to it and it tells me some fact about an anniversary of the day, fun.
This is very simple but like -switching the lights off- I'm sure it can have lots of uses, someone told me they tell it to add things to their on line shopping.
It does seem to make life easier. It took my son in law just a few minutes to set it up for me

Well we're all guilty of dismissing new things, aren't we? Do have a look - honestly, these were so easy to set up & have made things so much easier!

stillawipp thank you . It might help me actually . I mustn't dismiss things before I research things .

Yup, it can switch lights on! You link it to the smart plugs on the Alexa app 👍🏻. I got the Tapo P100 plugs

stillawipp didn't know Alexa could turn lights on . How ?

Yesterday my daughter and grandsons came . They are asking more about their mom as a child and I have to answer as if she's my only one. But I can see the day coming when especially the oldest one asking why I have only had one baby . I don't tell lies and am dreading that day . The boys know I always answer their questions. It only dawned on me yesterday that it will happen one day . I had never thought of that before. Has it happened to anyone here? At the moment the oldest will be 8 this week and his brother is 5.

Estrangement causes problems I usually handle and have . Just over thinking things about something I hope won't happen until they are in their teens .

How I absorb information it would take me a week to understand how an Alexa works. Stick to my radio and Spotify on my phone for my music . I argue with self checkout machines in Sainsbury's if I only have a few items . Dread to think what I would do with Alexa . Don't really understand how they work. I will scream if the next person asks my why I don't wear an emergency alarm round my neck. Yes I fall but have done since I could crawl . Knowing my luck if I had one would either strangle myself with it or break it falling on it . 🤣.

I have never blamed myself for the estrangement because I know I did nothing wrong my son made his choice but of course blamed me . His way of playing the innocent party . When it fact it was his guilty conscience for being a cruel coward.

What makes me laugh those who estrange their parents who are in the public eye have to tell newspapers etc and they do so because they get paid for their story. Like us leaving their parents silent so as not to end up in a slanging match. But in away it could help other parents going through estrangement that if it happens to the rich and famous it can happen to anyone .

Gosh, even had a typo apologising for previous posts typo. The answer is preview. Never bother with it but I will now.
As for Wills, I like others gave what I was happy with at the time and willingly, however I would not leave money to someone who cut me off and I don't know anything about now. She won't even know I am not here anyway. Sure she wouldn't want it.

Hilltop we have an Alexa which, to date, I hadn’t used much. My DH was in Australia for the Ashes cricket for most of December and I had to do extra things which I don’t normally do, including switching outdoor Christmas lights on & off. All very time-consuming until I discovered smart plugs - so brilliant and, what’s more you can link them to your Alexa! In our open plan living area we have a total of 7 lamps and now, instead of having to switch them all on & off manually and individually, I can literally walk into the room & say “Alexa, switch on the lamps in the family room” and all 7 magically switch on together!! It’s changed my life 🤣🤣

I thought you were just being very cool Allsorts!! Made me laugh!
I have an Alexa. At 11am each morning she reminds me to go and close the bathroom window (I open it to reduce condensation after a shower). Has saved me from many freezing bathroom encounters!

Oops! Where fund Nil dude cone from, should have been Hilltop, but another one tgstbpipewho slipped through after checking.

Nil dude, It do have friends with an Alexa and would like one for music, it's the thought they are always listening to me I find off putting. I could ask Alexa for things I look up on my iPad.
Had a drive to a Market Town this morning, the weather was lovely spent some christmas money on new leather gloves and jeans but they're quite tight so have started healthy eating again, now I have eaten my weight in chocolate, not weighed myself as do not want go see how much weight I have put on but can guess.

I've been very miserable this last fortnight, l shall be better when I've signed my new Will. But l have been so pleased with my latest buy from amazon. Bought because my daughter was given one for Christmas and l could see how lovely it is. It's an Alexa. It's such fun, if you live on your own especially. Have any of you got one?

I do hope everyone feels welcome coming on here. People eventually come to terms with estrangement in their own way. I probably view my estrangement different to some others. I was one that took all the blame and thought it must have been my fault as I knew no one else it had happened to.Time however has altered that, I am so glad I did everything to reconnect because if I hadn’t I would regret it now. I think she doesn't hate me but I irritated her. There is no way I could have estranged my family even if I just felt duty to them but its different now. They live their truth whatever that is. We are different people after so many years but I still love her and always will, want her happy because she is part of me. Most of the time I an happy and accept what i could not alter but there are still moments when I get down. Not everything can be fixed, it takes both sides. For those that have family or a partner, you concentrate on those that do care, because time goes that fast
you cannot waste it.


cannot waste it.

For me Debbie being here for others has really helped me over the last 13 years because like you, they've also been here for me because it's become as Whiff has said, a group of friends who care about each other, where new friends are always welcomed.