Have you ever estranged a relative?

I don’t think anyone plans it, it’s usually that last straw situation, it was for me anyway.
Had she not behaved in a certain way in a certain situation, we would probably still be muddling along, not caring for each other, having no conversation, me feeling bitter and resentful, her feeling so hard done by, so looking back, I am so happy that she pushed me too far.

I am glad I estranged overall, I am doing so much better in life without the constant put downs. It was a last straw for me too.

I’m sorry you feel alone on here OP, but I do understand why you do. This is an ‘estrangement’ forum not an ‘estranged parents’ forum so estranged adult children have as much right to be on here as anyone else and please don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! Nobody owns Gransnet, however long they have been posting, and nobody should be pursuing a ‘them and us’ agenda to the exclusion of others. You are as entitled to be on here as any other poster - I know sometimes it doesn’t feel like it, but you are. As a previously estranged parent, I’m not in your situation, but lots of others are, and your thoughts and opinions are just as valid as mine or anyone else’s.

has anyone said EAC don't have as much right to be here as EP's stillawipp? What a shame to spoil the thread with an argumentative post when up until now there hasn't been any unpleasantness.

It's such a shame that threads get disrupted for no apparent reason.

I think that that's the best outcome to hope for when there's estrangement Sara; not muddling along, not caring for each other, having no conversation. Where there are feelings of bitterness, resentment and of feeling hard done too.

Then you're free to make the most of the life you have with those who truly love you.

stillawipp thank you! And so happy you were able to come back together again!

sassenach512

How is it weird Crossstitchfan?

Well, it started off fairly weirdly with a comment that had no meaning. Then, when the OP was pressed to explain, her explanation was unusual to say the least. Then people started chipping in with advice about going onto another thread, and from there, it was just people giving their thoughts about the menopause, posting elsewhere or, in one case, leaving MN altogether and posting on Reddit!
Sorry if you don’t agree but, rightly or wrongly, I found it strange.

Crossstitchfan

Sorry, I was just feeling a bit down and really just wanted someone to talk to

NiceDream

stillawipp thank you! And so happy you were able to come back together again!

Thank you ! Take care of yourself

Last night I found out about a death in my community. A fairly young woman was found dead in her home by police after neighbours had reported not seeing her for a week or so. She was known to have mental health problems. No one knows how long she had been gone. She was estranged from her family. The community has been shocked by this happening in their midst. It is all very sad and tragic...

That's terribly sad keepingquiet; no family to know there might be something amiss because of estrangement .

Indeed, and they lived close by. Everyone should feel cared for...

I hope she's now at peace keepingquiet.

NiceDream

Crossstitchfan

Sorry, I was just feeling a bit down and really just wanted someone to talk to

I am sorry for how you feel.
I am truly not being sarcastic or judgemental, but have you tried contacting ‘The Samaritans’? You definitely need a proper talk, not just posting on a thread or two.

I estranged my ex MIL (45+ years ago), my ex husband (25 years ago), my only sibling (2 years ago) and my two adult step-kids, plus their adult children (2 years ago).

I just don’t give any of them any headspace. 🤷‍♀️

crossstitchfan I'm fine now, thank you, everyone has a down day sometimes

DiamondLily

I estranged my ex MIL (45+ years ago), my ex husband (25 years ago), my only sibling (2 years ago) and my two adult step-kids, plus their adult children (2 years ago).

I just don’t give any of them any headspace. 🤷‍♀️

Do they still try to contact you or your children or come to your home and leave things?

keepingquiet

Last night I found out about a death in my community. A fairly young woman was found dead in her home by police after neighbours had reported not seeing her for a week or so. She was known to have mental health problems. No one knows how long she had been gone. She was estranged from her family. The community has been shocked by this happening in their midst. It is all very sad and tragic...

That's truly awful, she must have had no support system at all, everyone needs a support system. I wish she would have reached out for help to someone.

How do we know she didn't? I suspect she was asking for help for a long time but there was no help available- from the mental health services particularly?
Maybe her family were worn out with trying to help her. I know at least her neighbours tried, but I would hate to think that this would happen to anyone I knew...

Personally I would notice if someone I cared for had gone quiet for a week or more. I'm not making any judgements on the family situation, I don't know it. I did try to take my own life at a young age but thankfully I had a support system that reached me in time. I have been fortunate with mental health care since.

If you're estranged from someone whether you care for them or not, they've already gone quiet and for a lot longer than a week or two so you wouldn't know, and support systems outside of family understandably have limitations.

I’m so sorry that you reached such a low point in your life, NiceDream and it’s great that you have received good MH support since. It’s a tragedy that some don’t, & feel that that is the only way out. Life can be so tough for all of us, & I sincerely hope that you find peace and happiness in yours.

stillawipp thank you

I am ok, just sometimes I feel like I wish I had that mother child relationship that others have. Not perfect or anything like that, just strong enough to overcome problems and issues like yours was, learning to be there for each other in the way that is needed.

Of course you do, it’s only natural. So many don’t have that tho, for various reasons (my own mother very sadly died when I was 20, so I never got the chance to have an adult relationship with her), & you just have to learn to get the support from other relationships. It doesn’t mean you don’t miss the relationship tho

NiceDream

Personally I would notice if someone I cared for had gone quiet for a week or more. I'm not making any judgements on the family situation, I don't know it. I did try to take my own life at a young age but thankfully I had a support system that reached me in time. I have been fortunate with mental health care since.

Yes, if we cared for someone... there's the issue. Once you're estranged there can't be caring except at a remove, on one or both sides.

I'm sorry to hear of your experience when you were young. I used to work with young people who were at risk and it was so rewarding seeing them gain confidence and self-esteem over time. Young people for the most part have families or support networks but often these can fall away when they reach adulthood. I am glad you have been getting good care since.

To estrange one family member is one thing- but a whole family? You would need a heck of a good alternative support network I think, to replace an entire family...

keepingquiet that is what I meant in my comment, I don't have any family but I still have a good support network.

I don't not have family because I actively estranged them too, it just wasn't really there growing up.

I think as well, speaking to other victims of abuse (not saying that is the case here) that quite often any kind of abuser would work to hide it. So sometimes that explains why people lose contact with their families