Daughter won't communicate with me at all

@Violetsky

As I said:

Sometimes people just want reassured, they are not ready to move on and perhaps in time are ready to hear other perspectives, ideas and opinions.

I don't judge your advice and opinions and dont have sight of all your advice to other OPs on this forum. I do, however, implore you to consider the timing - the OP's original post was clear. She knows her own mind.

RubyLegends

@Violetsky

As I said:

Sometimes people just want reassured, they are not ready to move on and perhaps in time are ready to hear other perspectives, ideas and opinions.

I don't judge your advice and opinions and dont have sight of all your advice to other OPs on this forum. I do, however, implore you to consider the timing - the OP's original post was clear. She knows her own mind.

So no specific problem with anything I have said... So again

What is the issue here?

Why must I continuously defend myself against other people's views of either me or my comment

When regular posters full well know I will leave any thread where the OP expresses any discomfort

Why are people talking for OPs? I would have no friends here if I hadn't given welcome advice and support

Absolutely.

That was to RubyLegends

@ VioletSky

My issue is with timing. As I specifically said above.

You can write and opine as much as you like.

Anyway I'm going to bed, this forum is for everyone and will always remain so... so either, people learn that not everything/every comment is about them and people can just talk to each other without it being twisted into some imaginary agenda... Or it just keeps running threads looking for monsters only they can see

I don't make threads about me. You guys do...

Remember the person who hurt you or the person you cared about wasn't this estranged child... And scapegoating is an unhealthy choice

Good night

This doesn't seem like the place to go if you aren't ready to hear other perspectives. In fact, posting here actually invites other perspectives.

Eleanor Rose, hope you haven't been put off by your post descending into what it has, Those parents that have have been estranged know you will have looked in detail as to the reasons for it. Most estrangements are fairly short lived, but others are permanent, its early days for you I hope you will have the opportunity to meet with your d and sort things out, it needs each of you really listening to the other which I'm sure will happen, meanwhile value those around youvwho are tgere for you.

As a poster who I think has only commented once on this thread,

I can barely understand what is now going on on this thread.

I dont understand what a distinction is even made as to whether someone is the estranged parent or the estranged child.

The only thing I can come up with is, whether people are saying that if you are the child or if you are the parent, then people are commenting with that bias in mind?

I would say that would be ludicrous.
But on the other hand, that is one thing I have noticed on the forum in general, no matter what the topic.
That some posters do post with sometimes, a lot of bias.
I didnt realise that people in general do this to such an extent. But it seems that they do.

I dont see really how that is the slightest relevance on the estrangement issue. But I guess bias, on whatever subject is just that, bias.

I couldn't have put the first paragraph of your post @ 23.53 any better VS. Some posters would do well not assume that everything is about them and that everyone should be able to post, without everything they say being twisted into some imaginary agenda.

No, you are not the EAC of anyone posting here and I've never seen it suggested that you, or any other EAC is. I have though seen comments to EP's that 'you sound like my mother/m.i.l.' and 'that's something my mother/m.i.l. would say/do'.

Of course posting on a forum like GN invites other perspectives User but it's quite obvious that that is not what's being criticised here. It's the constant general and/or targeted judgemental responses to those who have been estranged.

It is obvious because it's been picked up on on this thread, by some posters who are neither estrangers or have been estranged.

Lovely post Allsorts and I hope EleanorRose is still reading and hasn't been put off by the unnecessary unpleasantness we've seen here.

If you are still reading Eleanor it may be an idea to take a look at the support thread on this forum .

I think there's always a degree of bias on matters that are personal to the poster fancythat. We cannot fail to be affected by something that has traumatised and hurt us which is why IMO when it comes to estrangement, it's much better to talk about one's experience of the who they've estranged or who has estranged them, rather than tarring one 'side' or the other, with the same brush.

I don't have any bias at all, I wanted to be part of a mixed forum, every other forum out there I have seen is one or the other

I just get accused of a lot of things I am not doing

Projection perhaps

Bias cannot be eliminated but can be mitigated and Harvard research found that raising awareness at a personal level can be positive, but often short lived.

Oh yes, I would say there's definitely projection going on here.

I've been trying to raise awareness for several pages now

OP -you might be better on the support thread than having to defend things, that you may not have done, on this thread.

Best wishes. 💐

OP hasn't done anything?

Just had her thread turned into a bit f a silly argument about who is allowed to give advice and support here

Which I still maintain is everyone, and obviously some situations, people do not want that help and advice for whatever their reasoning but not every poster wants a future of estrangement

I went through the same thing, when I was making the decision to estranged...

I answered hard questions

I asked for help to analyse my own feeling and behaviour

I listened to different ways what had happened could be seen/interpreted

This is the right thing to do

Otherwise healing and moving on is almost impossible

The OP has posted what she did. That is all we can, or should, respond to.

It's not about, you, me or anyone else's estrangements.

It's about the OP. 🤷‍♀️

A, I'm autistic and this is how we relate/show empathy, by sharing ourselves. You are welcome to Google this yourself

B, it's good advice

So either allow me to help people in the best way I know how or carry on being ridiculously unkind to a person you don't know for absolutely no good reason

And so it continues! Its unbearable.

Allsorts

And so it continues! Its unbearable.

Did you just call me "it"?

It is Allsorts.
VS, taking into account your said Autism and your own words which state " I have no filter with Autism which means 2 things, I might respond to someone's comments with my first thoughts before I can stop myself : do you think this first point causes the discourse on the threads you are involved in ?

Bridie22

It is Allsorts.
VS, taking into account your said Autism and your own words which state " I have no filter with Autism which means 2 things, I might respond to someone's comments with my first thoughts before I can stop myself : do you think this first point causes the discourse on the threads you are involved in ?

That was referring to my answering someone who mentioned shame and embarrassment

It's still not me who was the first person who mentioned it

And it has nothing at all to do with the OP

And I successfully navigate many other forum posts, it is only a handful of you who do not like my presence here or my advice and look for reasons to twist my words into something distasteful or otherwise make me feel unwelcome by forcing me to defend myself over several pages from accusations that aren't true

I am autistic, I am not mentally efficient and unable to communicate

Deficient

Nobody is suggesting you are mentally deficient, I was merely asking you to verify your statement that you do not filter your immediate responses and could this be the problem you seem to encounter .