Has Estrangement Affected Your Confidence

I was heartened - and also depressed - to hear that so many of you are going through the same things as myself and DH. I had hoped when they became parents themselves, they would understand what a tough job it is - and that mistakes can be made.
Thank you all for sharing.

User138562

Telling people that counselors make up problems is dangerous. That message can be a tactic to discourage abused people from seeking help and continuing to control the narrative about what happened. The truth is that children bury abuse deep down and it often will not rise to ther surface until they are safe. Abusers will discourage their victims from seeking help so they don't remember or act on the bad behavior or try to leave. Insisting to the victim and to others that your relationship with them was always loving and caring and healthy until the abused person acts on the abuse is common.

If an abuser is saying abuse didn't happen? If they make you question your reality? If they dismiss your feelings about a bad interaction with them? If they are saying your therapist is a quack who is trying to break up your family? The benefit an abuser may get from that is obvious.

The anti-therapist strategy is well-known among estranged children. It's transparent.

I'm not saying this applies to any specific person here, only reflecting on the anti-therapist sentiment.

Spot on. In every profession there are good and bad, but we don't discourage others from seeking the necessary help just because some aren't great. It isn't dissimilar to discouraging medical help because bad doctor's exist. Not much different than discouraging dental care just because some dentists are not good. Humans are bad and good in every aspect of life.

The anti therapist strategy is well-known and dangerous honestly.

Has anyone discouraged someone from seeking therapy or counselling? I must have missed it.

Yes it concerns me too, there are so so many wonderful counsellors out there

I went to a Christian counselling service (I am not religious) and the main ways they helped me was by asking me questions that helped me put the puzzle pieces together myself. I also did assertiveness training with them recently and learnt a lot about how to shut down difficult people politely

asking me questions that helped me put the puzzle pieces together myself a good example of how counselling should be conducted VS. Enabling the client/patient to draw their own conclusions without putting any thoughts or ideas into their heads.

I've always found being able to shut down difficult people politely is an invaluable tool.

Yes, I was struggling with someone I worked with, thankfully management did cotton on to her bully tactics in the end, her word twisting, little digs and always seeming to have a double meaning when she spoke... After I learned how to stand up to her politely, it became really noticeable and she started to do it to others... She got let go

Common tactics used by bullies. I'm glad she was let go, bullies can make life very unpleasant for others if they're allowed to get away with it.

Yes smileless, people have been discouraged from seeking therapy here. I guess you just missed it.

I’ve always said I don’t want it, but I would never discourage anyone from doing anything.

Not my circus, not my clowns - if people think something helps, whatever it is, then go for it.🤷‍♀️

Not on this thread User. Applegran recounted what happened with her AC after they'd received counselling/therapy and this was commented on by other posters, but no one has discouraged anyone from seeking therapy.

If I have missed this happening, please direct me to the relevant posts.

The point, surely, is that people do what works for them. People have opinions, but that’s all it is.🤷‍♀️

If it’s working, then I can’t believe anyone would be influenced with what random posters think on any site.

You are wrong, smileless, and you have your own eyes so feel free to find it yourself.

I can't find something that isn't there User. If I'm wrong, show me where these posts are.

I can't quote so here is a screenshot for you Smileless

Thank you VS but that isn't an example of a poster discouraging anyone. The poster says they believe counselling and psychotherapy to be very important while recognising that it isn't always done well.

If I were needing help and those statements came from a trusted source I would feel discouraged too so User138562 isn't the only one

I'm not going to argue with you. We both know what I mean. We both know who says these things. And there are may more examples thoughtout many of these threads. But I'm not going to spend time telling you things you already know.

My point stands. Discouraging someone either directly or indirectly from seeking help that could improve their live drastically is a controlling tactic to bring people down to where you and and keep them there.

I will not answer further bad faith questions.

That was a lot of typos.

My point stands too User so we'll have to agree to disagree.

Disagree about how other people feel reading comments like that?

Disagree that the comment you did a screenshot of and others of similar content, are intended to discourage anyone from seeking therapy or counselling VS.

What were they intended for then?

They're peoples opinions VS and it's interesting isn't it that because they weren't given by someone who has estranged, they're viewed as an anti therapist strategy, a controlling tactic to bring people down to someone else's level so they can be kept there.

I'm afraid you likely won't meet an abuse survivor who hasn't heard those words from an abuser if they suggested joint counselling or counselling for themselves while they were still in the relationship

Myself included

Maybe not, but what does that prove? It certainly doesn't justify the accusation that those who have talked about the fact that there are questionable counsellors and therapists out there of having an anti therapist strategy, and I say that as an abuse survivor.