Friendship, advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

Lovely catching up with you all, I know what you mean about trundling along with estrangement Sparky.
It must give you such a lift when your son face times you Smileless especially if it’s not expected. Things like that really
can have such a positive and make you feel wanted. When one child whatever their age, estranges you, you can’t help at first to question yourself and having one that is loving is lovely. I don’t question myself any more, I’m not saying I don’t get down, the one thing I never felt was anger, I questioned myself, but no more. It is what it is, my conscience is clear, I did the best I could, with love, no one can do more.
Not watched Crufts this year, I do think they need to tighten a few things with relation to breeding dogs for popularity that have health issues because of it.
Whiff, glad you’re back on the mend, how did it go with the Brain Charity?

That was nice Smiles a surprise call from your DS. I had a little mooch around in Lakeside before and after lunch, bought a few things.

Allsorts I've replied to your pm this morning. People kept saying I was angry, I kept replying; ' I'm not angry, I'm upset, I'm grieving, but I'm not angry, too upset to be angry.

Morning everyone. Hope you enjoyed your day out yesterday at the Brain Charity event Whiff, you were really looking forward to it so I hope it lived up to expectations.

Like you Allsorts our consciences are clear. You do do a lot of self reflection, dissection maybe a more appropriate word especially in the beginning and you know the truth, the reality of the family they were raised in.

Unlike you and Yogin, I was and remain angry and it's that anger that got me through. I don't feel angry all the time like I used too and 99% of the time I'm not consciously aware of it, but I'll often feel it when I'm talking about our estrangement.

The anger isn't just for me but for Mr. S., my mum and m.i.l., DS, my brother and extended family members who were affected, sometimes not directly but because we were. In fact I'm more angry for Mr. S. than anyone else, including myself.

Anger can be a positive emotion, not if it's focused on revenge of course, but when it propels you forward and feeds your determination not to give in.

It was a lovely surprise to face time DS yesterday. He told us we're amazing which made me cry and Mr. S. had tears in his eyes. Perhaps it means so much more to be told that by your AC when you've been rejected by the other one.

Smiles what a lovely surprise for you and Mr S. I don't feel anger towards my son or daughter in law. But badly hurt and let down. I have been tried ,convicted and sentenced and I didn't even know I had committed a crime . Seems giving unconditional love, support and caring is a crime that you will never find in any law books.

I think as mother's day approaches it it brings feeling of loss to the surface. Two children brought up the same one turns against you the other is nothing but loving and caring. How did this happen?

I know if my husband was alive my son wouldn't have done it no way my husband would have put up with the crap I have.

Both my son and daughter in law knew I had 3 people who needed me and they knew how much seeing them meant to me. Why for 7 months was it fine for my son and his 2 eldest to visit every week. Was Covid the perfect excuse to end with me once restrictions where going to be lifted. Or would it have happened sooner? Always questions I have asked myself time and time again.

But I know I am a good mom,mother in law and grandmother. My son and daughter in law knows what a bad one is they knew my husband's mom.

I often wonder if my son's mother in law feels smug or in fear of doing something wrong as it's 8 years since she moved in with them. But she can't have any pride in herself sponging off her daughter and son in law . Plus my 3 grandson's have to share a double bedroom.

Yogin I would never have said you where angry I don't remember you writing anything to that effect. You are like the rest of us grieving for what we had. A grief than has no end. But it's different to the grief I feel daily for my husband. You expect not to be first or second in your children's lives when they have their own families but it's not unreasonable to be shown love ,caring and some respect .

Neither of my children know to the extend caring for their grandparents cost me in my health . But they needed me and I never turn my back on them even though I hated my mother in law. But she was my husband's mom and children's grandmother.

Allsorts so glad you posted . You need to put your wants and needs first. You are a good mom and grandmother and was a wonderful wife. Nothing anyone can say or do can change that.

Smiles you are right anger can be a positive emotion. I get very angry that my fit healthy husband died and left me . But after I have a rant at him I feel better then I see him with that stupid grin on his face. After 19 years still see him. I would hate not to see him .

I am very angry I am still denied PIP. But had a great day at the Brain Charity yesterday. The lady who is helping me finally met me and she hugged me. It was so lovely to see her and she saw what I am like. I met lot of lovely people. Many like me who look normal until we move. Talked to a lot . Joined in a sing along . And listened to a talk about Brain Fog and it made sense to me and recognised it in me. Had to leave at 2 as I was hurting to much. Had a taxi home . The drivers are very good about putting my legs in and out of the car and pulling me out. I always pay a bit extra as a thank you.

My back pain turns out to be sciatica. Had it before forget home much it hurts. Couldn't go to my craft group today because of pain. Hopefully go to exercise class on Monday. Been doing gentle exercises to help with the pain.

Take care all . 🌹

Can't believe you are still being denied PIP Whiff, if you don't qualify then who on earth does?

Sounds as if you had a good day. I think it's great that these
events are held and to be able meet others in the same situation and know that you're not alone, rather like this wonderful support thread.

Sorry you had to leave early because of your back, sciatica is horribly painful. Sleeping on your side with a a soft pillow or cushion between the knees helps or if you lie on your back, one under your knees.

Thoughtful taxi drivers are worth their weight in gold and it's good to know that you have some where you are.

Sorry your in such pain with your sciatica Whiff must be bad if you couldn't go to your craft class that I know you love. Gentle yoga will help.

Yes, I think Mother's Day looming is bringing up emotions. I was thinking of my DGD this morning, what a special loving bond with had with each other, all gone now!

Just popping in to send love and good thoughts to all. Is lovely to read all about the positives in folks lives despite the estrangement.

It is 4 years ago now that l was estranged by my son. I am not angry,but like Whiff , l am hurt. I feel annoyed with him and also feel very sorry for him. I know he has very mixed feelings because, guess what, he sent me a nice card this year!! I wonder if his wife knows, l bet she doesn't. I could only thank him by email as l don't now know his address and then l heard no more. Perhaps he had a weak moment and now he regrets sending it, l wonder.
I half hoped for a Mother's day card, but no.
Anyway, l guess we will all "trundle on" somehow with Estrangement as someone upthread put it.

Morning everyone. I hope you'll all find something to make you smile on a day that brings back memories of how things used to be.

Good to see you Spring . I think that the general chatter about what we get up too is as important as the support that is always available for anyone who is struggling.

The hardest thing when estrangement happens is being able to envisage a life without the one(s) we've lost. It takes time to realise that there is life after estrangement. Of course it's not the life we ever thought we'd have, and it will never be the life we would have wanted but we owe it to ourselves and those we do have in our lives, to make the most of it.

There have been times when I wished I knew what our ES is thinking Hilltop and times when I wouldn't want to know. You must be in his thoughts for him to have sent that card, and I do wonder how many of our EAC think about us on mothers day and their dads on fathers day.

You have lovely memories of that special bond you had with your GD Yogin and she may well have memories of that time too.

Think I would die of shock if my son sent me a mother's day card. Then burst into tears ,then wonder what he wants. Suspicious moi😁. Happy mother's day to us all because we are mom's and doesn't matter our estranged children don't want us it doesn't change the fact we gave birth to them and without us they wouldn't exist. Even after I am dead and gone I will still be my son's mom and grandson's nannie. And there's not a dam thing he can do about it.

I remember when he was young asking if there was a children's day told him children have a day everyday day because we love him and his sister.

To be honest I wish there wasn't a mother's or father's day. As we are parents all the time not just one day. No idea when or who started them. Probably a greetings card company.

But as usual it's our grandchildren who are missing out. Especially those at school if they made mommies day and nannie cards at school.

I remember the first year my husband died. Our son was in general studies at college and the teacher asked what they where giving for father's day. When my son said nothing the teacher said that wasn't very nice. So my son shouted he's dead and walked out . I talked to the college and my son didn't go back to the general studies class but still took the exams.

I know he was 16 at the time and fully supported his action. But he it was his 33rd birthday card and my grandson's 2nd birthday and the baby presents for my new born grandson that he send back all unopened plus that letter that put the lid on the coffin. Did he shout then she's dead I wonder as he walked out of my life for good.

Thank you Smileless and others of you. Glad to be back. My kittens like to cuddle up like this.

ITV x. I found signing up on my iPad worked. Can now access it on both my tvs though, despite emailing them for advice, I can’t get sub titles. They just say I should be able to. Also when I leave a programme part way through, I can’t begin where I left off and have to watch from the beginning. Pause works but not fast forward 🤨
Wiff, have you tried a Tens machine for your back? I find it invaluable but know it doesn’t help everyone.

Lovely pic of your kittens Sparkly

Painful memories Whiff Think Mother's Day stirs us all up!

No Smiles, my darling little GD [as was] won't remember me, she was too small, but my DD & I hope that she will instinctively know us.

Sparkly lovely photo of your cats. I love hearing other people's pet stories.

I am not a pet owner . Only got over my fear of dogs 9-10 years ago when my son and future wife had 2 dogs. So after a life time of being frightened of them after being attacked twice as a child luckily didn't get bitten but the first dog pushed me against a railing when I was pre school mom had to hit it to make it let me go . Second over the field behind the junior school playing with friends 2 Alasatian's chased us and I fell they wouldn't let me up until my friends got adults to get them away. For all my son has done glad I got over my fear of dogs but I did it for them. Funny how he conveniently forgets all the things I did for them all their life together and yet he still called me vindictive and manipulative.

Went to exercise class yesterday only one exercise I couldn't do and even though my back hurt a bit more the heat pad soon eased the pain. In fact didn't wake until 6.10 I slept through my 5am alarm this morning. So now my tablets are all out of sinc. But had a long sleep.

2020convert never tried a tens machine . But I have been in pain with my legs since a child . 35 years ago the pain became constant in my left arm and leg. With pain killers I tolerate it but at times it flares and need extra tablet for nerve pain. Which I had to take for 8 days to help with the sciatica pain. But not needed it for 2 days as pain is only in my mid and lower back now..

Yogin I hope your daughter is right and your granddaughter will still remember you. I noticed with my son's eldest 2 and with my daughter's boys do something once they don't forget and you have to do it the same way everytime otherwise I get told nannie this way. I hope my son's eldest do remember me but it's been 3 years since I last saw them . But think that's wishful thinking .

Hope no one minds me telling you this my daughter and grandson's came Sunday afternoon and she brought tears to my eyes with my mother's day present. We both love the pottery challenge so she has booked tickets for us to go and see Keith Brymer Jones at a theatre in the city in May we will have dine out as well. When I thanked her she played it down and as usual saying it gives her a night out in the city without rest of the family.

Had to stop asking her to get me a couple of things from the shops as she won't have the money for the few things I had. They both work have the boys plus having building work done on their home she means well but makes me feel guilty as to me it's wrong not paying my way. I am probably old fashioned in my thinking but a parent shouldn't have money even if it's only for a few grocers from their child unless it birthday or Christmas present.

Anyway better get out of bed and get the day started . Will bake tomorrow for craft group on Thursday but won't be pulling any tables and chairs out hopefully back to normal next week.

Have a good day everyone. 🤗

Whiff, Your daughter is so kind and thoughtful and obviously thinks the world of you. What a treat, a night out and dinner. I know what you mean about not having money off your children, I’m sure it gives pleasure to your daughter though after all you do for her.
These anniversaries bring things home though, I remember how things used to be, that’s my trouble remembering the past.
Smiles, love your little kittens, did I count three little bundles?
What with those and your dogs and Mr S you have a lot of live in your house.
Yoga, people do reconnect after many years and the bond is there, you gd the innocent in all this will one day be curious about you and her birth family. Lots of est children keep away out of stubbornness I think, they’ve played their hand and if they reconnect it means they had got it wrong. My d never apologies I know that much. A friend of mine had her son come back after fifteen years but he opened the conversation with, I’m not going to apologise but, she stopped him right there, you broke our hearts and you say that. She asked him to leave and said the love had gone. Now she never mentions him. It takes all sorts. I was never angry just broken hearted and felt as if I had been hit by a bus. At times I still can’t believe it.
I will get a Tens machine for my back, I have tried everything else, but it’s worth a go.

Your kittens are lovely Sparkly. I really miss my lovely boy and not having a cat as we've always had one, but I'm being sensible as going away so much means it's impractical to have any more.

That be wonderful wouldn't it Yogin.

Well done for getting too and joining in with your exercise class Whiff. It's good to know that your back is gradually getting better. Mr. S. has back problems and uses a tens machine so it would definitely be worth giving it a go.

What a lovely gift from your DD; something to look forward too. Having that mother/daughter time will be great for both of you.

Sometimes when I remember how things used to be, I question whether those memories are real Allsorts, whether the relationship we had with our ES for 27 years was ever real.

How can someone change beyond all recognition? How can someone hurt so badly, people they claimed to have loved?

I wonder how may estranged parents have done what your friend did. 15 years of estrangement and the conversation opening with 'I'm not going to apologise but', must have been a red flag.

You never expect to be estranged by your own child and if they come back, you must need to be as sure as you can be that it will never happen again but I imagine that the fear will always be there and for your friend's son to say he's not going to apologise must have made her afraid to take that risk.

You can apologise for the hurt your actions have caused, even if you stand by your reasons for taking that action.

A lovely sunny morning here and the ducks are out in force which gives our dogs a reason to bark (not that they always need one).

We've seen a few rabbits running in and out of the hedge that's behind our lodge and Mr. S. has stocked up the bird feeders that have attracted a robin, blue tits and long tailed tits.

Certainly makes a pleasant change from the site and sound of the sea gulls where we live, but I love them too.

Smileless and Whiff thank you for liking my kitten photo. They are life affirming and so funny…thank you Allsorts there are two kittens…

Just now they are bird spotting, running from window to window to get the best view of crows flying around near my feeder.

Mother’s Day…eeeargh. Over for this year, TG.

Ooops, thank you Yogi.

Mother's Day...eeeargh. Over for this year, TG absolutely Sparkly.

My cats would do that too and my last boy used to get particularly excited over the seagulls, the majority of which were bigger than he was.

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Just a quick pop in very tired after my craft group. This is on a post box by me.

Isn't that lovely Whiff. We saw a couple in a small market town we went to yesterday and we've seen some else where too.

What makes me smile is not just the amount of work and skill that goes into making them, but that they're never damaged. Left for everyone to enjoy.

So lovely Whiff What clever ladies that knit these. We have some at Xmas time.

The one near my DD went missing Smiles but mysteriously re appeared a few days later, maybe a kid took it home for his/her mum

Good morning. Just a quick hello. It's been a fraught few months, as Miss Dysfunctionality, pregnant with my GS child, continued to make our lives a misery, if she could.🙄

DD, SIL, myself and DH continued to block her. She finally apologised to us publicly on social media, after hacking in again...but, after one awful, wicked lie she told, we all decided, individually, that no one of us wanted to be around her.

She gave birth last week, as my GS obviously had to keep limited contact, a little girl, all well. GS sent me a photo and she's a lovely baby, but I shouldn't think I'll ever see her.

The arrangements were made that he'd visit at her house (she lives with her adoptive mother), to establish a relationship with the child, and sort out child support etc.

That fell apart after 3 days, as her adoptive mother doesn't want anyone in her house at any point, now or in the future.

So, it's coming down to seeing a solicitor, for GC to try and get contact at some point, as this drama saga will never stop.

Oh well, on we press. Hope everyone well.💐

Lovely to see you DiamondLily but of course sorry that things haven't improved with Miss Dysfunctionality.

It's good to know that this little girl has been safely delivered. I seem to remember there were concerns about mum taking proper care of herself in the interests of the baby.

I do hope that your GS's able to secure contact arrangements with his daughter but I would think it's going to be a tough and long road.

Being a new parent, GP and GGP should be such a happy time. I'm so sorry that this has all been so stressful and upsetting.

Yes, my poor DD is very upset. It's so difficult - congratulations aren't really valid, and the normal joy that should accompany a new GC (especially the first one), is lost to her.

I have ordered a photo frame, personalised, that she can put a photo in - whatever the circumstances, she and SIL are still grandparents now.

Difficult though.

Yes, SS have been keeping an eye on the girl, as concerns had been flagged up.

But, I'm not hopeful of the solicitor route - it looks expensive and long winded.

All I can do is support them all, whatever happens.

Could do without it though - there's enough stress in life anyway lol 😉