Friendship, advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

See you all there

I've just seen a post on our new thread from Nanalouise and as she's asking for our opinions, I thought it would be a good idea to maximise this thread so everyone goes to the new one and sees her post.

Thanks Whiff and hugs . The concert went well and my cousin really enjoyed it.

I rather like the tacky bits too Whiff and managed to resist the doughnuts which always smell delicious. I'm sure you will do others with HPX proud in your interview; can't think of anyone who could do better.

Get a good night's sleep hugs .

Have a wonderful concert Smiles.
Hope the interview goes well, Whiff

Tired, so flying visit. x

Smiles hope you have a wonderful time at your concert.

Hopefully I will do others with HPX proud in my interview.

Tacky bits of the seaside are the best bits as they hark back to childhood .
Glad your cousin's came to visit.

Morning everyone.

The interview with the Brain Charity sounds good Whiff. From what you tell us there's a definite need for more information to be readily available.

We've had a lovely busy few days with our visitors and up to this morning the weather's been surprisingly good!!!

One cousin and her partner went home yesterday and my other cousin's staying until tomorrow which means she'll be coming to our concert this evening so I hope she enjoys it.

We're going to have a relaxing day wandering around the town and we'll get the cliff railway down to the sea front aka 'the tacky bit'.

As yet don't know who is going with me to the tribunal. I do have other friends at craft group I could ask.

In the mean time the Brain Charity want to inview me about having a late diagnosis and what that has meant to me plus as it's a rare hereditary condition so going on the 11th . I want everyone to know about HPX and put the record straight as if you look it up on the rare diseases page it just mentions the gene mutations and startle reflex and stiffness. When it's a lot more complicated than that.

My startle reflex is at 100% had a good work out this week. My postman shouted hello didn't realise he was there as I have to look at the floor all the time when walking but stopped myself straight away and had to stand until I finished shaking . Yesterday was weeding in the front garden and a lovely couple from a road never by was walking by and I didn't notice so when the lady said hello nearly fell over. She got my stool so I could sit down it was the other side of the bed I was working on. Poor woman looked worried so explained about my HPX . It doesn't help that in my left ear since having jaundice in 2027 I heart my heat beat. No point in a hearing aid as I hear my heart beat all the time used to hearing when I miss heat beats. It was funny the morning I woke up and heard it few months after leaving hospital. I thought what's that banging and looked around to find what it could be then realised what it was. 🤦. I have to laugh at myself . With everything I have wrong my life can't get any weirder but imagine it will. If we can't laugh at ourselves who can.

I often imagine what my husband would say. I know he would tell people he married a mutant as he was an idiot like that. But he did everything possible to make mine and the children's life better and normal.

Was having a weird dream and it was just getting interesting and my alarm went off. Now I want to know what was going to happen. 🤷.

Last day of my daughter and the gangs holiday today. They will get home tomorrow as breaking the journey home into 2 again. For all the iffy weather they have had a good time.

Thursday after craft waiting at the pelican crossing and 2 mom's and children where on the opposite side of the road. Because the traffic can come from 4 different directions it's not safe to move until the lights change. One of the children wanted to cross as the one lot of traffic was stopped but her mother said no as a car can come round the corner and anyway I have just spent a fortune on your school uniform . I had to smile of all the reasons not to cross that's the first thing that came into the mom's head.

Hope you all have a good day . X

DiamondLily thank you for the advice. I will do as you say. Cabbie on another thread advised the same thing. And not to point out the errors in the assessors report. I will take on board anything the solicitor tells but will have to write it down or I will forget. Because of having to hold a pen near the nib my writing is lower case and very small .

Yogin I will have everything crossed.

Smiles I love the son I knew no idea who he is now. Any love I had for my daughter in law she killed with her Reddit post just one sentence FIL died to get away from MIL. She never knew my husband. I often wonder if my son read it. When I read it I thought how can someone who loves my son say that about his dad. My husband died in agony he couldn't breathe I had to tell him to stop fighting and we would be ok. He died few minutes later . But there is never going to be an ok. But I had to let him go . But I am lucky to be loved and love in return. Some people live their whole lives and never have that.

But that's life. But no matter what life throws at you life is worth living until the full. Quality not quantity as without quality it's no life.

Great news about your tribunal date Whiff and hardly surprising that you're all sixes and sevens. It's taken a lot of hard work and time to get you this far, which I'm trying not to think about because it makes me so .

It's a difficult one isn't it Yogin but as Justbe made the suggestion in the first place hopefully she'll be OK and able to enjoy the time she is there.

I totally get it, about not wanting to read the book and TBH I'm finding some of the chapters difficult because they do take me back to a darker and very painful time. That said, it's also helping me to understand why I felt the way I did then, and why I feel the way I do now, if that makes sense.

I feel as if those feelings have been explained and validated and although I've never felt I needed validation, maybe I did on a much deeper level for the book so far, to have 'spoken' to me in that regard.

I feel the same about our ES Yogin well it's more like I don't know how I feel about him. I love him. I know I do because he's my son, it still hurts, I still cry and I'll still ask him 'why?' and 'how could you?' aloud when I'm alone but I don't actually feel the love anymore.

It doesn't matter DL . I was going to give you a 100 lines but have decided to be lenient as this is your first offence .

Whiff

Hells bells I feeling all at sixes and sevens. Finally had my PIP tribunal date 29th August. And now a nervous wreck. The solicitor helping me has done all she can with all the paperwork but can't go with me but speaking to her the day before. Contacted the Brain Charity to see if someone can go with me . Just got to wait and see. If not a friend who has experience of tribunals may be able to go with me. I don't want to ask my daughter as she's at work.

Also had my health assessment for universal credit appointment via video but phoned to ask if it can be face to face . I don't trust phone or video assessments. If I had a PIP assessment face to face I would have been put through all this waiting .

Why is it the universal credit people treat you like a human being a real person but PIP treat you as if you are just a name and you don't exist as a real person .

Been to a tribunal in the early 90's with my husband. Six people only one spoke made me feel like a criminal.

Hate feeling this way. Also it set my PAF off thankfully my heart is back in rythym after I clamed down.

Thanks for listening.

Whiff - I've attended tribunals, as an advocate, years ago.

Just listen to what they are asking - then take a breath and answer them carefully. Take your time.

Tribunals are (usually), nowadays, very "user friendly", the panel is completely independent, and they will make a decision themselves.

There's usually 3 of them now.

They usually tell you straight away (unless there's a large query).You can take support - but it's you that they will be asking the questions of.

Between 60-70% of PIP decisions are overturned at tribunal, and the claimants given the award.🙂

"The success rates for benefits appeals overall was 62%, but this varies according to the benefit involved:

PIP 69%, up 1%
DLA 61%, down 5%
ESA 49%, down 11%
UC 53%, down 7%"

www.benefitsandwork.co.uk/news/appeals-backlog-rises-as-success-rates-fall-for-all-but-pip

Smileless2012

I'm going to get the next thread up and running because we know how important continuity is but if we can let this one reach 1000 posts before we start posting on the new one, I think that would be useful.

Sorry....I missed this bit. I've just posted on the new one. Brain fog....🙄

I agree with Whiff, please come back and let us know how the wedding went Justbe xx

Fingers crossed for you Whiff. Do hope you get someone to go with you, not nice to do this on your own. Good luck xx

You're right Smiles about emotions when reading another posters post, someone newly estranged. When I read Justbe I felt quite upset for her for the rest of the day. I'm glad she's said she's happy to go to just the wedding & drinks afterwards, but to me it seems that the D is getting what she wants, mum in wedding photos and thereafter not caring about her mum's feelings, awful in my eyes. How could you watch your dear mum walk away from the wedding reception & go home on her own, when everyone else is walking in to have a fabulous time.

I don't want to pick at that scab that's formed over my heart with my once precious, now estranged D, by reading that book Smiles. My GC are still precious to me, but how can my estD be, with all the dreadful things she did to me & to my DD, her sister, and of course what she did to my precious little GD with whom I had such a special bond, now all destroyed, and my little GS too.

Best of luck with everything Justbe, hope you have a lovely time at your daughter's wedding

Hells bells I feeling all at sixes and sevens. Finally had my PIP tribunal date 29th August. And now a nervous wreck. The solicitor helping me has done all she can with all the paperwork but can't go with me but speaking to her the day before. Contacted the Brain Charity to see if someone can go with me . Just got to wait and see. If not a friend who has experience of tribunals may be able to go with me. I don't want to ask my daughter as she's at work.

Also had my health assessment for universal credit appointment via video but phoned to ask if it can be face to face . I don't trust phone or video assessments. If I had a PIP assessment face to face I would have been put through all this waiting .

Why is it the universal credit people treat you like a human being a real person but PIP treat you as if you are just a name and you don't exist as a real person .

Been to a tribunal in the early 90's with my husband. Six people only one spoke made me feel like a criminal.

Hate feeling this way. Also it set my PAF off thankfully my heart is back in rythym after I clamed down.

Thanks for listening.

Could plan Smiles it's amazing how quickly the thread fills .

Justbecause enjoy your daughter's wedding the best way you can. But pop in and let us know how you are from time to time. Wishing you all the best for the future.

I'm going to get the next thread up and running because we know how important continuity is but if we can let this one reach 1000 posts before we start posting on the new one, I think that would be useful.

Just seen your post Justbe. Good luck for Saturday and as you go forward focusing on the future .

Morning everyone.

I can understand why not being there for the entire day will be less stressful Justbe and hope that you are able to enjoy seeing your D on her wedding day.

I expect as Whiff's said you'll look a million dollars, the proud mother of the bride who will make your D proud too. Feeling emotional is inevitable when you see your AC getting married.

I still have the poem I wrote for our ES and his wife for their wedding day and read when we had our meal after the ceremony. Just the four of us to celebrate what we believed was the beginning of a new and wonderful chapter in all our lives, which for us turned out to be the beginning of a horror story.

The forward to Sharon's new book is lovely isn't it Whiff which is why I wanted to share it with you all. The support threads have sustained me for more than 10 years and it isn't always easy, sharing our pain and reading about the pain of others even after all these years.

There are always mixed emotions when we see someone posting here for the first time. Relief that they've found us but sorrow that one more person's life has been torn apart by estrangement.

I read quite a lot too when we were first estranged Yogin, some of it helped and some of it didn't and for me Sharon's books have been the best I've read.

She covers 'the blanket of emotionalism' and 'the historical child', terms I haven't come across before but I'm guessing the historical child refers to the child we knew before we were estranged. There's also 'the wall of resistance' which may be about our AC's resistance to communication with a view to reconciliation which may apply to some EP's too.

I'll let you know.

Busy baking day today as we have my cousin and her husband arriving tomorrow for a few days and another of my cousins arriving Saturday.

Mr. S. is thrilled because I only bake when we're having visitors because when it's just the two of us, we eat it all.

Thinking of you and your family DL hoping that something positive comes from today's court hearing .

Yogin and all,

I just didn’t want to leave you thinking I was rude not to reply,

Just to say it was a very acrimonious divorce, but we tried for many years to be good parents separately. Very complex situation as are all difficult divorces/relationships that breakdown with children.

It was a long time ago. My D has never felt comfortable with both her parents being in the same space so this is quite difficult for her and it is her day.

I am going to enjoy being part of it and smile.

I’m going to take a break from this thread now as I need to focus on the future and being positive.

I hope you understand and thank you all for the supportive comments.

X

Yes Whiff Joey does have a little raincoat, but we have been lucky in missing most of the down pours. Joey also has one of those that cover him from top to toe, when I first put it on him, he just froze and wouldn't move, tried a few times more when the weather was atrocious, same thing, it was actually very funny. I finally left his back legs out, just tucked them in and 'hy-wolla' off he trotted. It keeps his belly and legs clean & dry, so is a must when the weather is continually bad.

Justbe well I wish you a very happy day at your D wedding then.

When you divorced did you continue bringing up your D or did she go and live with her dad? Just trying to make sense out of why she is so anti you.

Thank you Scotty

Yes, let us know Smiles what you get out of the book. When I was first estranged, I bought every book out there and still have them, novels on estrangement too, but now, I don't want to go back there. I like to read light-hearted novels before I go to bed, so I sleep with an easy mind.

Yes, they grow up and move on DL that's why I tried to get back into my DGC lives as quickly as possible, all lost now.

Posted that in case I lost it .
Hugs glad you are enjoying your groups. My craft group is like that more chat ,tea and biscuits unless it's a baking week for me. We have a closed what's app group so keep in touch daily. But still talk non stop on Thursday afternoon for 2 hours. Sorry about the bus driver not stopping for you . Hope you rested when you got home with a cuppa and your feet up. Have you been doing any of your lovely paintings?

That Sharon Anne Wildey book I brought when both you and Yogin recommended it Smiles . Will have to get her new one. Love the forward to the new one. It was brilliant to read a book but someone going through estrangement and her talking to others I the same position some of the stories where awful. She calls estrangement elder abuse. Which I suppose it is but it's mental not physical.

DiamondLily hope everything goes ok in court today. I feel sorry for you all and the little one who is being used to hold over your families head. Plus I worry because of being in a JW household she wouldn't get her childhood vaccines and that puts her at risk . Hopefully your grandson as the father can apply to force them to let her have them via the courts.
Awful time for you ,your daughter and all the family. Glad you are close to your grandchildren. As they are becoming adults they have to live their own lives but you are still a much loved nan.

Glad your SC have disappeared. They caused your late husband enough stress which both of you could have done without. I know what it's like to lose half of yourself and you must feel you need him more than ever with all that's going on in the family. I know if my husband was alive he would never have put up with all I have from my son and daughter in law. And when the email came he would have been round there like a shot . Sorting them out. My brother wanted to but I said know. But he has hurt my brother very much by cutting him out of his life. In my brother's words what the xxxx did I ever do to either of them.

Scotty glad you get something from reading our posts . We are not a all doom and gloom lot . I put it down to Smiles ,Yogin , Allsorts and other long timers. Our children hope they can destroy us . But having this support group I know saved me and now I am not alone . And my husband broken my heart when he died and my son can't break something that's already broken. But I am no longer the mom he knew and because of this thread know I am stronger than ever. Yes I get overwhelmed by it all at times but I know here I can post and know others understand. And that worth its weight in gold .

Yogin hope Joey hasn't gotten to wet on his walks does he have a rain coat? I see some little dogs round here with them on.

Think I haven't missed anyone out. Sorry if I have .