Friendship,advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

There's nothing wrong with social housing. There's just not enough of it

Renting is fine, the problem is most private let's are short tenancies. If I could get a good quality let like yours with a secure tenancy I would grab it with both hands.

Oh good grief DiamondLily that's a mess isn't it; she sounds a total nightmare and I feel very sorry for your GS but, most of all for the poor child she's expecting. Looking to the long term, if she's unbalanced, dysfunctional and abuses alcohol, it's probable that will be picked up along the way in her pregnancy and steps will be taken to protect the child. "Miss Dysfunctionality" sounds to have some serious mental health problems that no one, particularly a child, should be around.
On a positive note though, I think it's wonderful that your GS knows that he can come to you, tell you his worries and know that you'll always be there to listen to him; that's a lovely relationship you have there.

That is concerning Spring I agree. A good therapist IMO should encourage their client to look at every possible alternative to estrangement, before taking such a huge step.

I'm sure many do but it's also evident from what we hear from some EP's that that isn't always the case.

Good grief DL what a nightmare situation. I always told our boys that if they didn't want to get a girl pregnant to make sure they had birth control to hand. It takes two to have sex and the men are responsible for their own birth control measures, regardless of whether or not they believe their partner to be on the pill.

Hes lucky that he has an understanding, supportive and common sense family. Of course they cannot set up home together, it would be a complete disaster and not fair on the child,

He can as you say, take on his responsibilities of father hood without living with the child's mother.

I had to smile too at the 'Lower Class Types'. Your GS will have to break the news to her gently that their child's GGM has lived in social housing her entire adult life.

The DNA test is an excellent idea, something I'd want to do if this were our GS. He'll need to know for certain wont he which is only right and proper.

Haven't heard that expression she's got a bob on herself before Whiff, what does it mean?

Glad you had an easy but productive day in the garden DSL. Sometimes the old saying 'no news is good news' is true and I know how deafening the silence can be but it's better than the abuse.

Great cake hugs, hope you saved me a slice.

Had a great evening last night. Lots of bubbles, great company and good food. Before they arrived Mr. S solved the mystery of our little poodles poo rolling. There as some at the front of our decking which we hadn't seen, but he'd found.

After it had been cleared away, I went outside to see what he was up too and found a fresh pile; literally a pile. I mean we must have flying elephants around here. Cleaned it up before the little bugger had the chance to 'do his thing'.

So now we'll be spending the next 3 weeks on poo watch!!

When I need a liftI read the posts of the many sensible ladies on here ?for you all and thank you.

Oh dear, DL - quite the bombshell. It sounds as though you're handling it great - giving your GS time to work out his own feelings. It sounds like the young woman needs a lot of support and your GS can't supply it all, she need some professional help. I'm hoping the ante-natal team might pick up on that as whiff says.

Glad the gardening's going well DL. I agree, the cost of shopping and energy prizes are becoming eye-watering. I dread to think how anyone on a low income will cope, never mind with a new baby. We live very frugally, but we'll be looking to tighten our belts further.

Glad you had a good evening smiles. I've got the If I see an elephant fly song from dumbo in my head now lol.

Good to see you GS

Diamond Lily was wondering how far into the pregnancy and what evidence?
If the girlfriend’s track record is causing shock by faking events then there’s an element of suspicion.

DSL I’ve bought some of those chrysanthemums too.
The cake looks a chocoholics dream and yummy.

Thanks to you all for your good posts.

Thanks for that hugs it's going around in my head now too .

Very stressful news for you DiamondLily and for your grandson. The young woman’s behaviour rings every alarm bell. Yes to DNA tests. Her medical records and her dramatic presentation my lead the midwifery team to refer to children’s services for pre birth assessment. I’m sure you know that if mum and her family aren’t considered safe carers, your grandson and his extended family will be approached. Phew, breathe out

Thanks all.

I have spent years telling the three boys to protect themselves, and not listen to objections. Unfortunately, young men often keep their brains in their boxer shorts, so here we are.?

She did send through a scan pic, so I assume it's genuine, and she's all over social media with the damn thing.?

I think someone will have to intervene with this, unless she swiftly changes her ways. As she was in care, I would think SS probably know the family anyway.

But, we'll all have to press on for now and see what happens.

Thanks again x

What would in normal cases be an event for celebration, is going to bring some very difficult issues DL. I'm so sorry .

Reading another thread and reflecting on what someone and I posted, I've been wondering about how long it takes for an EAC, whose involved in a dysfunctional relationship this being the reason they estrange, to accept what they previously would have and in our ES's case did find unacceptable.

I'm thinking of 'nose blind' where someone no longer smells unpleasant odours because they live with them all of the time.

Our ES talked about little things that his wife had said and done before they were engaged, after they became engaged, before they were married, after they were married and after she became pregnant.

Simple things that were to him showing a 'side' to her he hadn't been aware of before. We've always believed that the main driving force behind his decision to estrange us was her, and he did what he did to keep the peace.

But now after fast approaching 10 years, I'm wondering if he still sees those things that at one time troubled him, or if he's become so used to how she is, that he now accepts her behaviour as normal. Has he in a sense become 'nose blind'.

I think if you live with someone dysfunctional, their behaviour does become "your" normal. It ceases to be odd.

I suppose it becomes a sort of gaslighting - they convince you they are right, and in the end, it becomes a pattern.

But, I would guess that he also has those "quiet times" when you reflect on the past and the present, and he realises that this is not really normal at all.

I wonder what she gets out of it though. A wife doesn't have to compete with a mother, any more than a father has to compete with a husband - they are two totally different relationships.?

If she's really that jealous of a mother/son relationship, then she's the ones with the problem.

Some people are very strange.

My daughter was married to just such a character DL

You’ve hit the nail on the head with your observations.
Your GS is lucky to have you and your advice.

I don't think he thought that when I calling him every sort of silly sod yesterday.?

?. It’s not an easy position to be in at all. You’ll need your sense of humour and your wits about you at all times.

To be fair though DiamondLily you weren't wrong. Isn't it staggering how much heartache and misery a dysfunctional person can inflict on a family just by their presence? Depending upon your GS's decision, he's going to have to deal with her for a long time and that will have it's own problems.

Chewbacca

To be fair though DiamondLily you weren't wrong. Isn't it staggering how much heartache and misery a dysfunctional person can inflict on a family just by their presence? Depending upon your GS's decision, he's going to have to deal with her for a long time and that will have it's own problems.

Yes, he will, and I expect it will impact on the rest of us.?

At the moment, my only concerns are with GS, DD, and SIL.

When the child arrives, that's another worry to deal with.

Miss Dysfunctionality, in my view, isn't part of my circus and will never be my clown, any more than strictly necessary.?

Right, so DS's tent is up in my garden and it would appear that "it's a bit bigger than I thought, Mum". I'll say it is! It's bigger than my living room and takes up every inch of my garden entirely. I have to hang onto the fence to inch my way down to the greenhouse and can only get in there by straddling guy ropes and tent pegs. No chance of hanging washing out or even getting the wheelie bins out to be emptied. And I've got it until Wednesday! Meanwhile, they've b****ed off home to sit in their garden leaving me with it! I can only repeat what I said to Smileless yesterday: that's men for you!

So sorry to hear all you are going through Diamond Lily, and so grateful you are there for your grandson as I guess his parents are in turmoil as well. I hope your gs will listen to your wise advice, and understand there are a number of options going forwards, although none must look ideal right now. Hope you can hold the ship steady while all this gets worked out. Take care yourself.

I have to hang onto the fence to inch my way down to the greenhouse and can only get in there by straddling guy ropes and tent pegs. No chance of hanging washing out or even getting the wheelie bins out to be emptied

I'm sorry Chewbacca but the mental picture of you inching your way down to the greenhouse whilst hanging on to the fence and then straddling guy ropes and tent pegs, has given me a fit of the giggles!! At least as you can't hang washing out, there is no chance of it wrapping itself around your face whilst you straddle and hang on!

Having said that I sympathise as well even with a grin on my face!

DiamondLily what a difficult situation, so sorry.

If she is a drug and alcohol abuser then this should be picked up at antenatal check ups ...and SS would be alerted if that was the case

Nice to I catch up with all your news today.
DL sorry for your grandsons situation. He's been trapped by the sound if it. I know through my gs that there are girls doing exactly what his girlfriend has done, they are looking for a meal ticket as they think it's easier than getting a job. One of his friends had it gs open to him. She's no chance of
social housing, good idea about dna test, he will have to pay support towards the child and want to be part of their life, but she sounds such a drama queen I doubt she will be reliabe.
Chewbacca, what can anyone say, trapped in your own garden, the neighbors will be thinking its a marquee.

Yes, I have explained to him that he will have to support it financially. He is 50% responsible for this mess.?

Hopefully, in time, he can sort out an arrangement where he has regular contact with the child, and involve his family with him/her.

But, it's early days, a lot can happen, and it's a case of doing it as we go.

Chewbacca - sorry to laugh, but your tent saga did sound funny ?

Tent saga sounds hilarious!! You could always have an adventure and camp out in it maybe???

In normal circumstances there is no competition DL but it was her jealousy of my relationship with our ES that was our undoing.

The night they got engaged, when we met up with them and her parents to celebrate with champagne, she looked at me and said, out of the blue "I have only child syndrome; I don't share" it replied with "well you'll have to learn too". It was so bizarre and of course we had no idea it was a precursor to what would come.

You GS's relationship will without a doubt affect everyone whose close to him but as you say, as his GM you'll at least be able to restrict your actual contact with her.

We can only hope that any substance abuse is picked up with her check ups and that some action is taken for her and her child's welfare.

Good grief Chewbacca and you've got it until Wednesday!!! What happens on Wednesday then? Why do you have to have this enormous erection in your garden? Sorry but I just couldn't resist that one.

Well we were awoken at 3.00 am by a loud crash, stumbled around to see if anything was amiss and as all seemed well, went back to bed.

At 6.00 am when I went into the bathroom I was horrified to see that the over the bath shower had detached from the wall, and it was like a scene from a horror film. I'll get Mr. S. to post the pic he took later, and you'll see what I mean.

So there I am cleaning up, worried sick that the walls would be stained and cursing that we hadn't put the light on when awoken by the crash. It was the incident all over again. Panic stations until I knew that no permanent damage was done.

Now I'm worried because 'these things come in 3's' don't they, and I don't want anymore potential disasters.

I replied not it grrrrrr