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Estrangement

Friendship,advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

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Whiff Wed 03-Aug-22 18:58:20

Setting this up now as posts are coming thick and fast .

Smileless2012 Tue 29-Nov-22 12:39:46

Morning dear friends. Just been catching up with all of your wonderful postssmile.

It's a shame you wont be going to the music festival Pixie but if you don't think your DH's up to it, it's probably for the best. Whitby's a lovely place to visit, and we're fortunate that it isn't too far from us, and no matter what the time of year or weather, it's always busy.

Having your son staying for 5 days over Christmas sounds wonderful and something to look forward too, especially as he's a good bakersmile. You were right to respond to your son's text and at least your d.i.l. had the good manners to thank you.

You can never have too many souperatorsgrin and your parcel from your youngest son sounds yummy.

I'd loved to have seen you in your Saturday gardening outfit Whiff, sounds both practical and rather fabulousgrin. TBH I don't think Mr. S. thought the suite looked any different for being cleaned; that's men for youhmm but as long as I'm happy, he's happy. Well that's what I tell him anyway.

No idea if Johnny Depp's any good at singing but apparently he's a very good guitarist and I do like a man who can play the guitar.

Thank you Bea for that kind messagesmile.

DS would have spilled a drink on the newly cleaned suite Namsnannyhmm. He was and still is to a certain degree accident prone. Years ago, he came back from secondary school about an hour after the carpet fitters had left having fitted a new living and dining room carpet.

He stood in the doorway between the two rooms with a glass of milk and as he was talking to me, jarred the hand holding the glass upward and spilt the milkshock. He looked horrified, as did I and all he could say was 'I have no idea why I did that'; he wasn't the only one.

Oh Allsorts umbrellas and wind just don't mix do they so next time it's wet and windy, wear trousers and avoid the skirt incident.

Still no news hugs, you must be totally p..... off with it. Aran sweaters, now that's impressive. My gran used to knit them, well there was nothing she couldn't knit or sew. Well at least I inherited her cooking skills and used to do a bit of dressmaking but knitting is a definite no no.

Wow DSL Thursday; that's great. You must be so excited. You've certainly had a year that's shown you going from strength to strength and it's been a joy to share that with you.

Looking forward to seeing what 2023 has in store for you and for us all.

It's getting very close to the 10 year anniversary Yoginshock. Hope you're OK and have put the recent unpleasantness and upset behind youflowers.

Thanks everyone for asking, yes the lesson went very well and I'm feeling very positive about being able to improve my range and stamina. She got me up one and a half octavesshock. It wasn't pretty but she said what's important is I can get up there, and the more we and I practice, the better it will sound.

The house is decorated inside including the 6 Father Christmas chair covers I got for our kitchen/diner. They look really good, honest!!!

I was very good, and as we were putting up all the old favourites, I was putting to one side things we haven't used since we moved here and Mr. S. took them to the RSPCA shop this morning; two carrier bags full.

Mr. S. will hang the outside lights tomorrow and put lights on the conifer on our roof terrace and of course there's the stag that's so bright, you can probably see it from outer space.

I'll be shutting myself away later to go through the vocal exercises she showed me and take a look at a video on you tube she recommended before choir tonight.

Don't want to scare Mr. S. and the dogshmm.

hugshelp Tue 29-Nov-22 17:00:40

Flying visit. We just exchanged. Move thurs!
So much to do.
Catch you all asap. x

Whiff Tue 29-Nov-22 17:26:58

Hugs brilliant news so happy for you.🍾🥂

DerbyshireLass Tue 29-Nov-22 17:50:11

hugshelp

Flying visit. We just exchanged. Move thurs!
So much to do.
Catch you all asap. x

Wahoo. 💃. Congratulations. Same day as me. 😂

Smileless2012 Tue 29-Nov-22 18:07:14

That's wonderful hugs. Absolutely thrilled for yousmile x

Whiff Wed 30-Nov-22 05:47:50

I didn't want to spoil Hugs exciting news yesterday. But thought I would tell you what a wonderful day I had yesterday. I meet a GNer think it was on a health thread . And we started to email and phone eachother. We decided to met she only lives 50 mins away from me via car. We where going to a cafe but I decided it would be nicer for here to come here. She accepted my invitation.

My daughter was worried about me having a stranger in my home someone I met on the internet. But I told her all about her even her address and phone number. I told my friend all this and she said her daughter would be just the same. Love the fact my daughter wants to protect me ,my son used to be like that. But I asked her to trust my judgement. She said she did.

She forgets I have lived on my own a long time now and only came to live near her just over 3 years ago . And there is no one stranger than people viewing your house when selling it. Even though they give their name and address to the estate agent they could be false.

But I love the fact she loves and cares for me that much.

Anyway my friend was here for 4 hours. Had a wonderful time it was like we had always seen eachother. She liked my bungalow and could see all the work I had done on it. Well paid and had tradesmen do the work. She liked my gardens . I will be visiting her next year .

Funny how life turns out. If my house sale hadn't fallen through the second time I would never have joined GN and in turn found all the support I have and friends on the various threads I am on. But especially on here.

I can imagine DerbyshireLass and Hugs are up and running round like headless chickens getting ready for there moves. At least they can get settled before Christmas . Even if they are surrounded by unopened boxes. I still had unopened boxes a year after my move as my bedroom wasn't ready to move into as it needed the walls and ceiling re plastered. I was in the spare room with the furniture for both bedrooms. But only my king size bed. Didn't buy the double bed until the spare room was decorated.

Have a good day everyone. Baking for my grandson's Christmas fair and having my roof repaired today.

Allsorts Wed 30-Nov-22 07:20:34

Glad it all went well for you Whiff, after years on your own you develop a feeling if someone's ok. Lovely of your d to be so caring though. Good your roof being done before really cold weather and enjoy your baking for your little helpers.
Very good news DSL and Hugs, very exciting and will be done well before Christmas. Pixie how great your son staying for five days over Christmas.

DerbyshireLass Wed 30-Nov-22 11:31:18

Whiff...glad your meeting with yiur online friend went well. I did something similar once, met a lovely lady online, she invited me to London for a couple of days to attend a seminar. I accepted her kind invitation.

I was stunned by how many people were so negative and fearful on my behalf. I appreciate they had only my best interests at heart but felt so sad to see how many fearful and distrusting people there are.

I think you just have to listen to your gut instincts, mine have never let me down. I have always met with kindness and consideration, no one has ever been really nasty to me and I've never felt uncomfortable or in danger.

I am not a person of faith, but I do have faith in my fellow humans, I do believe that most people are intrinsically good and kind hearted, even if they may seem a little brusque or grumpy at first.

Yes of course there are evil people and some people are dangerous because they are mentally unstable but I think we can usually spot the dangers, if we listen to our intuition. Mother Nature gave us good instincts, we just have to pay attention to the signals.

I had a wonderful time with my new friend in London. I enjoy travelling alone, of course I'm careful and don't take stupid risks. I wouldn't do it if I didn't feel safe but I do think we have to step out of our comfort zone from time to time, otherwise we stagnate and become stale.

Carpe diem and all that.

Feeling a tad frustrated. Car all loaded ready to go when I get a call from the EA to say they were still doing the inventory and I couldn't have access till 12 o'clock.

Rant time.......why oh why is everyone (except me, ha ha) so dilatory and incompetent. 😂🤣. They promised me the inventory was being done yesterday and I could have the keys at 10am. As always over promising and under delivering.

You gotta laugh, no point getting wound up. But it is frustrating.

Purplepixie Wed 30-Nov-22 13:19:43

Great news hugs - hope all goes well for you with the move.

Whiff - that sounds fantastic meeting up with a fellow GNer. Great the day went well and you have a visit with her in the future.

I agree - you gotta laugh and try not to get frustrated but it can sometimes be so arhrhfghghghghghghghgh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’ve sat this morning and wrote some christmas cards out as the strike might put paid to them getting there at all. I did get a card for my eldest son and his wife (that horrible phone call on 20th December last year) but this time I am not putting any money in it at all. I will send to the two grand children because they text back when I send to them.

My youngest son is phoning some time this afternoon. I am going to have an afternoon of knitting a hat for a friend for Christmas. Its foggy and damp here and enough to send my head funny! Haven’t felt like doing my watercolour painting this year much but I might get them out at the weekend and have a bit splash about.

Whiff Wed 30-Nov-22 19:21:39

Roof didn't get repaired but made 142 biscuits 4 different sorts. Got to make some in the morning for craft group. I love baking.

Allsorts Thu 01-Dec-22 07:55:17

Whiff, 142 is a whole lot of biscuits, are they plain or spiced? Are they for the school? Now you’re making more this morning. I can’t rub butter into the flour now, my hands seize up somehow, I do a bit of baking, I make a cake each week and sometimes crumbles or a shortcrust meat or fruit pie as there is nothing like homemade.
DSL trust you’re in your new home, I know you are renting this one. Know they do the inventory but also you need to photograph any faults etc in case you get the bill. As you’re wised up on things I dare say you have done that. Hope you’re happy there.
Hugs hope you’re moved in or beginning to be, good luck.

Whiff Thu 01-Dec-22 09:41:11

Allsorts they where oat and marmalade ,cheese,choc chip and gingerbread they are for my grandson's Christmas fair. Thought biscuits would sell well . Bagged them into 8's and the odd 6 took to my daughter's yesterday. Didn't know what time my older grandsons new bike would arrive and the old being taken back. Instead of buying him one last Christmas they pay so much each month and when he out grows them they give him a different one. They can choose which colour. To expense to buy a new one especially as his old one would have been £300 once he has stopped growing them they will buy him on. It's not his Christmas present but just a new bike. He goes on long rides with his dad.

Made another 20 this morning they are blueberry and cranberry. I can't rub in so use my mixer . I learnt long ago lots of short cuts but everything turns out fine . Except muffins no idea why mine turn out like rubber balls . Think I over mix. Haven't tried to make them since my husband was alive.

Got my craft group party on 15th so will have to make things in advance and freeze as my friends husband's funeral is on the 14th at 10.30 so will be an early start because of the traffic.
I will make my brownies will be moans if I don't and some savory things.

DerbyshireLass and Hugs are going to be exhausted by the end of the day but happy.

Have a good day everyone.

Allsorts Thu 01-Dec-22 12:32:01

Whiff what a good idea, renting bikes, never heard of it. Your biscuits sound lovely.

Purplepixie Thu 01-Dec-22 13:00:25

Wow! All of those biscuits - well done to you Whiff

I got up this morning with the wobbles - just feel so down in the dumps. Get the knitting out this afternoon and knit a hat for a friend.

Take care everyone.

Smileless2012 Fri 02-Dec-22 10:04:43

Morning everyone.

I'm glad you had a good time on Tuesday Whiff; how lovely to meet in personsmile. I'm going to have start skipping over the parts of your posts about your fabulous baking, as I swear that just reading about it makes me put on weightgrin.

Annoying about your roof not getting repaired; any idea when it's going to get done?

Hope yesterday went well for you DSLand hugs. I was thinking about you both throughout the day, as you were rushing around with a mix of excitement and nervous anticipation.

I still remember the first morning I woke up here in our new home with a smile and hope that that's what you both did today.

Hope you're feeling less wobbly today Pixieflowers sending you a BIG (((hug))) and hope it helps.

Whiff Fri 02-Dec-22 16:32:26

Just a quick one . Roof repaired. These are my Belgian decorations.

Yoginimeisje Sat 03-Dec-22 08:42:41

Morning all

Lots of posts to read! Hope all went well with your moves Hugs & DSL flowers The first cuppa in your new home signals you're in champagne later flowers

Well done on all our baking Whiff

Hope you have a good chat with your son today Pixie that will cheer you up no-end.

Hope all's going well with you Allsorts

Smiles keep up with being a singing lark!

Did a bit of decorating this week, surprising how a little makes a big difference & makes you feel good that you've put your stamp on your new home. Off for a drizzly walk now!

Yoginimeisje Sat 03-Dec-22 08:43:49

Your baking Whiff blush

Whiff Sat 03-Dec-22 10:15:07

You can bake with me anyday Yogin🎂

Allsorts Sat 03-Dec-22 16:08:10

It’s a difficult time for those who have lost loved ones at Christmas and put estrangement in the mix very hard. I am trying to think ahead and not back, not easy. Know I’ve wasted too much time and the only person it hurt was me, so it’s me first as much as I’m able.
Thinking of all you lovely ladies and hope those with families enjoying being with them.

Purplepixie Sun 04-Dec-22 13:04:27

Whiff - the Belgian decorations are fabulous - you are so talented.

Two of my grand children stayed last night and they had to be back by 10am. The usual routine - their dad’s girlfriend drops them near our house - never within eye shot! Then I drop them off at the lay-by near to their mam’s (my daughters) house. We had a lovely evening painting Christmas cards which they took with them. One for each parent, their other grand parents and sadly none for me. I havent had a one from any (4) of them in years. They rhymed off all the things they had done lately without me asking - I never grille them. It turned out that they spent friday night at my eldest son’s house after all of them went swimming and out to dinner. I felt so left out. My friend said I just need to look at what I have and not what I have missed out on but it is hard. The house feels empty now but my youngest son is phoning some time today. It is a week today when I spend the day with him. So looking forward to it.

I don’t think I will put the tree up until around 15th December this year.

Take care everyone.

Whiff Mon 05-Dec-22 05:42:23

Pixie I didn't make the Belgian decorations my brother and sister in law brought them me. I have tried air dried clay. With mixed results. But some of my decorations I made after painting turned out ok. Well my grandson liked them so they are on their tree. I do like the feel of working with the clay but it's hard on my hands.

I hope you feel like doing a painting soon as they ones you have posted where beautiful. The friend who visited paints on silk. Showed me soon of her work it's very beautiful .

Hope you had a nice chat with your son.

We all have wobbles. Wouldn't be human if we didn't. Hope you are feeling better today.

Pixie your friend is right look at what you have got not what you have missed out on. You see your granddaughter's and spend quality time with them. I am lucky I get to spend so much time with my grandson's. But I have 3 others who don't even know I exist . The oldest 2 will have forgotten me and the youngest never got to meet. I do miss them and my son but he made his choice. It's hard to deal with at times but I do find myself losing patience with the situation. I have a temper and am stubborn. Think one of these days properly next year I will have enough of feeling like I don't exist as far as they are concerned. And their will be a recounting whether my son likes it or not. When I let him know my diagnosis and told him about my friends husband's death. And his none reply especially about the death as he has known them all his life. Just made me so angry . See how I feel next year.

Seeing my cardiologist on the 21st don't know what about but they sent through the appointment so I am going. I am not worried as no point. I can't change the fact I have a hole and PAF.

Seeing my neurologist in January hopefully he will be able to help with the pain if not it will be easier to get referral to pain clinic via him .

Allsorts Christmas is a hard time on anyone on their own. It will be my friends first without her husband . Because they couldn't have children it's always been just them. She has put a few decorations up but no tree. I have always put my tree up as we all love Christmas especially my husband he was a big kid. Before I moved I always decorated it myself singing Christmas songs badly. I couldn't have Christmas without my tree. My mom was the same after dad died. But my mother in law only ever put out her robin decorations. It looked so bleak she didn't have a tree after her husband died. Our children where young so you would have thought she would have liked them to decorate it. My parents always had 2 trees one for my children to decorate and one for my brother's children. Up until the last couple of my dad's life they always had decorations hanging from the ceilings even up the stairs. Dad didn't have Christmas as a child but made up for it when an adult.

Smiles hope you are enjoying the singing lessons. Bet your choir has noticed a difference. I have a song for you. 'Bumping along bumping along bumping along to Bethlehem ' my grandson has to sing that as he is a king in the nativity. I asked why he was going to Bethlehem he said to see the baby I said what baby he said you know the baby . One of his friends is a camel just hope he doesn't expect to ride him.

Hope DerbyshireLass and Hugs are settling in to their new homes .

It's getting colder keep warm everyone.

Yoginimeisje Mon 05-Dec-22 07:52:22

Sounds like you had a good visit from your GD Pixie, you should have got them to make you a card too! Even if you weren't estranged you may not have been invited to the Friday outing, I'm not always and you do think what about me. Just keep thinking about the lovely visit. Same here re Xmas tree & deco going up. Hope you had a lovely chat with your son yesterday.

Yoginimeisje Mon 05-Dec-22 07:57:08

Yes Allsorts difficult time of year for a lot of folk. Missing all those that have passed away, remembering all the happy Christmases together and then having to deal with the estrangement too. Not fair is it!

Purplepixie Mon 05-Dec-22 08:58:34

Thank you for your kind words and I know I probably wouldn’t have been invited out with them last friday night. They had a love/hate brother/sister relationship when they grew up. Even now they go for ages without seeing each other then they are in each other’s lives none stop. I know from what my eldest son used to tell me and lately my 2 grand daughters tell me stuff. I never ask any questions but they are innocent and freely speak about stuff. I just get these horrible wobbles every now and then and even feel panicky that I might be gone when they realise they should have been “human” with me. Who knows?

Had a great chat with my youngest son yesterday and spending sunday with him. He might get here for 22nd December until 27th - so all of this is to look forward to.

Hubby decided that he would service the bathroom fan today. A cold and wet day so I am heading out and going to bingo this afternoon. Catch up later.

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