Friendship,advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

That was a very nice gesture from UU Whiff, it's the little things that gives our day a lift isn't it?

Allsorts.

Your son will get in touch when it suits him, unfortunately.

Lol. Spot on, he will. Probably when he wants something or when DIL "allows" him to.

I've been doing a lot of "thought work" today. Especially around saying "No".

Today I have said no to something which normally I would have acquiesced to but which would have caused me stress and anxiety. I felt nervous about refusing but oddly enough once I had done it and politely declined to do what was expected of me it was as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

It feels good, I haven't offended anyone, everyone is very supportive. Son and DIL don't know yet, they will find out tomorrow. They will doubtless make some snidey comment. But let them, their opinions no longer count. By their own actions, by being so dismissive, continually sidelining me and freezing me out of their lives then they have now forfeited any right to comment on my choices.

So this what I have to do from now on.....I need to be more assertive, stop people pleasing and always trying to be the "good girl". Listen to my instincts and follow my intuition. If it doesn't feel right for me then I mustn't allow myself to be badgered into submission.

If only I had learned this a few years ago when all the nonsense started. But I didn't, I kept on giving way, Placating them and trying to keep peace and harmony. I should have been much firmer. Ah well, there's no point dwelling on past mistakes, just learn from them and resolve not to repeat them.

I think they are going to be in for a bit of a shock tomorrow. ?

Same story over and over, their wants, their needs, their entitlement.

What a nice surprise whiff.

Heat and tiredness is making it hard to keep up with commenting but I've enjoyed reading all your posts.

I had a nice surprise too - one of the journals I wrote a short-story for is nominating me for an award. Don't expect to win anything but it's lovely of them and feels great to have something I wrote appreciated. A little of that is wonderful when we have been rejected by out loved ones.

Hugs that's lovely bet that made your day.

This heat is exhausting. Makes everything harder.

Congratulations hugshelp that's definitely something to celebrate and be very proud of.

Well done Hugs, that’s a lovely confidence booster.
DSL whatever you’ve done it was obviously the right thing. I always hated saying no in the past, it was a mistake, oh for the time back knowing what I know now.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Congratulations Hugs. ?. Well done you.

Golly it's hot isnt it. ?

It's the last super moon of 2022 tonight and it's a beauty. Well worth a look.

It's also tonight when the Perseid meteor shower is at its peak, although the brightness of the moon will make it less obvious.

Anyway it's too hot to sleep yet so I've made myself a cuppa and I'm off outside to see if I can see any shooting stars.

Night all. ❤️

Morning everyone.

I know this hot weather isn't to everyone's taste by I have to say I'm really enjoying it. Probably more so because we're at our lodge which is simply perfect.

We can waste so much energy being angry with our AC DSL and there's no point because even if they know, they don't seem to care. Trying to be all things to everyone is exhausting too, so whatever you said 'no' too yesterday, it's a good start to putting your needs first.

Let's face it, when it comes to some of our AC, putting their needs first is all they ever seem to do. So you're right hugs we must stop wasting our time and energy on those who don't give us a second thought.

Congratulations on your award nomination. Feeling appreciated and being of some value is even more important when your own child refuses to have anything to do with you.

You've done the right thing Whiff. They may not want you to be, but you are and always will be GM to those children so of course, if you feel there's information they need to know for their welfare, you'll pass it on.

What's he afraid of I wonder, that he can't even respond with two little words 'thank you'.

Your family is how families should be DL; how I thought our family was. It must be unfathomable to see how your DH's family are carrying on and I know how awful it is to see your H being treated so badly and there's nothing you can do about it.

So the enormous erection is back Chewbacca. At least the RugRats will get their camping experience, even if it is in GM's back garden but I wouldn't mind betting, that will make it all the more special.

Hope you managed a better night's sleep last night Allsorts. There's nothing worse than being unable to sleep.

'Another day in paradise', bobbing around in my egg chair with another book and sitting under our big parasol when it gets too hot, which will be the extent of my labours today, once I've had a tidy around which doesn't take long when we're here.

Yep, another lazy day here too. I walked to the corner shop first thing, had a bit of a tidy up and shall just take things easy now. There's nothing that can't wait. The house feels "grubby" but in another couple of days we should see temperatures falling. I will set to and give everywhere a deep clean then,

You are so right Smiles. No point wasting my time and energy on my son and DIL any more. They really don't give a hoot. So I'm just concentrating on the (hopefully) impending house move and I'll take it from there.

Onwards and upwards.........

I know I’m a kill joy, but I do not like this heat, glad I don’t live anywhere that has these temperatures as the norm. From what we have been told this is to be ours. Concerned about all those animals out in fields, do hope they have shade and plenty of water. Also see people round here walking dogs on these hot pavements, I’d makes me? They should be fined.

I agree they should be fined Allsorts and made to walk on hot pavements in their bare feet to see how they like it. Makes me really mad too.

You're not a kill joy, we're all different.

Allsorts it's 29° in my living room . Had curtains shut all day and fan on. Making sure I have water every hour then I have to go too the loo more often ?. All the dog owners I know take the dogs out very early and very late. This heat is killing my balance fell into a door today they are solid oak.

Staying in doors and taking it easy ready for my 4 hour train journey on Tuesday. Taking 2l of water with me.

?????

I'm feeling completely wrung out in this heat now. I'm just wilting. Praying for rain ?

I'm wilting too. No breeze! I know what you mean about drinking water and having to go to the toilet more often Whiff !!

The supermoon was lovely DSL. We went out for an evening walk when the temperature had dropped but it was still pretty balmy - very pleasant.

Sounds blissful smiles. Keep up the good work!

Wow that's hot whiff. We managed to keep it down to 26 inside by keeping it all shut up during the day but opening all the windows and back door before bed and again in the early hours. Will be glad when the heat breaks though. Hope you're not too battered from that fall!

Our buyer's coming again tomorrow. Heaven knows what for this time but I could do without visitors faffing around in this heat.

??. Feel like I'm being boiled alive. It's been like a furnace here today and tomorrow is forecast to be even hotter.

Am going to sky watch for a while to cool off. Just hope I sleep better tonight. But doubt it. Hey Ho, just another couple of days and then it is scheduled to drop by 10C.

Fine by me.

I thought I'd wait until it was cooler and then go and see if I could find any blackberries to pick. I've picked 2lbs in blackberries and must have lost that much in sweat!

Temperature here is unbearable also, I've had to resort to putting damp tea towels in the freezer and then wrapping it around my head turban style! I've also had to set up a parasol to shade my little Bramley apple sapling in the veg garden. I am positive my French neighbours are now sure that the English are quite mad

I have hurt my knee. I bought a wide knee ice pack that I can strap round my knee so that I can move around whilst wearing it. It is coming in very useful laid across my mid riff after any sort of movement atall in this heat, never mind my knee!!

Cant help but chuckling at the innovative ways some of us are using to keep cool......midnight sky watching, tea towel turbans, midriff ice packs. Well we Brits might seem mad but there is method in our madness. ?

Luckily this should be the last day of the real heat. Again I won't be doing much, another lazy day beckons. The plus side of this heat ....my odd job man did a spot of plastering in my kitchen yesterday. It looks almost dry already. Should be able to paint it tomorrow.

Had both a phone call from son and a text from Madam yesterday. Double whammy. Both very pleasant. Lol. They know they've overstepped the boundaries again thus week and are now creeping back. Honestly they are as transparent as toddlers.

This was due to the way I responded or rather didn't respond to my sons behaviour regarding the anniversary this week. I tried a new approach......I just ignored him, total silence, not letting them see how upset and angry I was.

I am now employing what I have christened "The Queens Gambit". Basically I am emulating the way Her Maj. is dealing with Harry and Megan. She is being gracious and very diplomatic whilst keeping them in the loop and simultaneously bringing them to heel. A difficult trick to pull off but one she seems to managing very well. Maybe her experience in dog handling helps. ??.

Her "recollections may vary" was pure genius and the way she skated through any potential explosive situations that Harry and Megan's presence at the jubilee might have caused was a masterclass in the art of diplomacy. Making them welcome but holding them at arms length so they couldn't upstage her or upset the celebrations.

So this will be my modus operandi from now on.

I am not running after them.....I responded yesterday in a polite, warm and friendly manner but kept the interactions brief, making no attempt to engage them in protracted conversation, and certainly not issuing any invitations for them to visit.

Let them do the work......

After this weeks upsets I have made something of a quantum leap. I think it's because you reach a point where a line is crossed and something just snaps. The anniversary was the catalyst for me, It has pushed me to a new understanding of what I am prepared to accept and with that clarity I have come to realise that I am no longer afraid of being estranged. I was fully prepared to do the estranging and not wait to be threatened with estrangement. Still am, if push comes to shove.

With that realisation I have become much stronger, more confident and I've regained the power to be pro-active rather than re-active. No more quaking in my boots, no more eggshells.

They will have to take me or leave me ....just as I am.

This year is killing us ?. What with breathing problems and my constant "hot flushes" problem (the medics are trying to find out why this is happening, I am constantly dripping with sweat?), the humidity has been awful.

DH is on and off his CPap breathing machine like a yo-yo, to get some air.

Yesterday, I'd had two showers in 3 hours and laid on the sofa in front of a fan - that was ok, but then a constant stream of people kept turning up, for no real reason.

I was silently screaming at them to buggar off lol - which I wouldn't normally.

DD and eldest GS turned up, but it's her birthday today, and mine Monday, so I knew we'd be doing exchanging of gifts and cards, but the rest of the visitors just rocked up aimlessly lol

Ah well, it's supposed to be cooler on Tuesday, so we live in hopes..?

I think I'll hang a "go away" sign on the door until then.?

Hope everyone has a nice day.?

Hugs the last buyer who pulled out on me kept popping round to check things. In hind sight I should have said no. She was there the Sunday before contracts where due to be exchanged on the Friday. I let her bring her man to measure for new windows. Even though it didn't need them. Next day she pulled out of the sale.

Haven't said this to frighten you but this is what happened to me. So be careful.

DerbyshireLass didn't see the moon last night but did at 4am it was beautiful glowing yellow. Watched it for ages. Funny how the little things can make you glad to be alive. And it was free.

Normandygirl good idea protecting your Apple sapling. I make sure my damson has plenty of water and spray water on the leaves. Like the idea of a damp turban . I image steam rising as it dries out ?.

Madgran hope the knee feels better soon. My legs have been like tree trunks all week and my hands are swollen it's the heat and water retention even though I have been drinking lots of water then need the loo a lot hence I have put weight on this week. Hopefully the temperatures will drop soon.

DSL - best way. If people don't treat you properly, then best to let them stew in their own juices.

I'm getting to the end of my patience with people behaving badly - sooner or later DHs family will see another side to me, that they haven't seen before.

DH used to call me a "smiling assassin" - and there is a reason for that lol ?

Have a nice day.

DL. Sorry to hear you are having such a rough year. The heat certainly won't be helping with your and your DHs health issues. Hopefully you will both pick up when it cools down.

My poor garden is struggling too. I've lost quite a few plants.

Well my tactics seem to be bearing fruit. More texts from DIL. Sent me pictures of the gc,

I have just joined weight watchers online. I really need to lose at least 2 stones. I feel so bloated and unhealthy. I am sure I would have coped better with the heat if I wasn't overweight. Time to time action.......