Friendship,advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

Oh Whiff I totally understand how you're feeling. I felt the same when ES emailed me 2 days after my mum died; wished at the time and still wish he hadn't.

As Yogin has said, you built a wall around your heart to protect yourself and now feel it has been breached. FWIW I think you were very brave to have contacted him at all.

Madgran is right dear friend. Don't let this disrupt the life you've rebuilt for yourself. You will probably never know why he put 'thank you', just as I will never know why our ES broke years of silence to send me his condolences.

Any communication is disruptive, painful and confusing. I'm glad you're feeling better today.

It's wonderful that you and your son are together again Yogin .

Well we've decided to go home today. I know this sounds silly but losing my beloved boy feels surreal while I'm here so I think I need to go home.

Whiff If your son said 'Thank you' then he meant it. You are feeling emotional because you built a wall up to protect your heart and now that wall has been opened it hurts.

My son sent me emails without mum on it and without love or anything, it hurt a lot! But he is now living back with me after 6yrs of estrangement, caused by his sister. He's been back for 2. 1/2yrs now, we get on really well and did do right from when he first came home.

Is the son I knew still there

Whiff that must have been very hard for you. As you told him that you would not contact him again maybe the thankyou was for both the money and for "respecting his decisions and wishes". Or maybe it was because you said you didn't expect a thankyou, so he gave you one! Or maybe he did it without thinking! You will probably never know the reasoning and there seems little point in disrupting the settled life you have made for yourself around his decisions, so I am so glad that you have woken up this morning feeling like your "normal self"!

I hope that the sun is shining with you as it is here too....always helps one's mood, and for me the daffodils in my garden in the sunshine are a real lift!

Finally when I woke this morning feel like my normal self. Monday I had to contact my son via text. Didn't want to as he said zero contact which has been best for me after his email and especially that letter with all the returned cards and presents. I had sold something my late husband had left the children . Neither one wanted it so as executor and guardian of it I could sell it. Gave my daughter her half and first thing she asked if I had to pay costs. Which I didn't. Was going to contact my son via my solicitor to get his bank details. But after she told me her costs I decided not to. I asked my brother to send him an email just asking for his bank details. He sent it early Friday afternoon. My son didn't reply. I woke at 4am Monday really annoyed he had ignored his uncle. So I sent him a text. Just stating facts. Because he ignored the email I had to break the zero contact. Told him there where no strings attached and didn't even expect a thank you. Needed name on account ,sort code and account number. Told him I wouldn't contact him again as he got what he wanted zero contact. His choice not mine. They where still my family and I loved them. I gave him a time limit if I didn't hear from him by 6pm he lost the money.

I didn't expect him to reply and if he did expected some horrible comment. He sent his details and put thank you. I sent the money via bank transfer.

On the afternoon I found myself in tears because he said thank you. He's letter in August 2020 was so vile he didn't even put mom or his name on it. The thank you just threw me. Is the son I knew still there or did he just put it without realising it?

It still haunted me yesterday. And for some unknown reason was very tired. Even though I had a good nights sleep. Lay on the sofa after breakfast and slept for over 2 hours.

Needed to write it down to get it out of my head. Thanks for being here for me. ?

Smiles you are grieving for your much loved cat. Your animals become family members. And just like family you grieve their passing. I know how much it effected my friend when her car died. Mr S is a treasure to spare you putting away your cats things. You are much loved . ?

That is a definite downside agnurse.

Mr. S. bless him popped home today as he had a bowls match and said he would put everything away, so I wont have too when we go home on Friday.

Still got this bloody headache so am going to take the dogs out for another walk and see if the fresh air helps.

Oh Smileless I am so very sorry for the loss of your dear cat, your special boy. I know how much it hurts to lose a much loved pet. My thoughts are with you and Mr.S

I'm so sorry Smiles. He sounds to have been a very nice boy, and you were able to be with him at the end. It sounds as if he passed peacefully in your arms at the last.

The only downside to having furry frens - they don't live as long as we do

Thank you everyone. I feel like shit TBH, can't get rid of the headache I've had all day. I know it was the right thing to do but it really hurts.

So sorry about your cat smiles.

Smileless. So sorry about your lovely cat. I am pleased you got there in time to be with him when he needed you. The pain is heartbreaking, they give so much love and comfort and leave a terrible gap. I know how my husband and I felt when our lovely cat had a fit and died in front of us. One day at a time. ?

Smileless So so sorry to hear about your cat. It is always painful and added to when so sudden, unexpected and traumatic

So sorry smiles, they leave such a hole in your heart ?

Smiles and Mr S I am sorry about your beloved cat. How old was he? Your dogs will.wonder where he is when you are all back at home. ??

Oh Smiles. I am so sorry. RIP brave boy.

A very sad day today. I got a 'phone call this morning from the cattery that there appeared to be something seriously wrong with my beloved cat.

Thankfully the cattery is halfway between our lodge and home so we dashed through to take him to the vet. He was extremely distressed and had given the lady looking after him a bad bite; not like him at all.

He was very cold to the touch and I've never seen an animal in such distress. I sat in the back of the car with him, stroked his head and he was calmed by my voice.

He'd had a massive heart attack and being unable to open his eyes and control his neck and head the vet suspected brain damage.

It was a no brainer. I couldn't agree to invasive procedures to try and bring his temperature back up and increase his heart rate so I had to let him go.

To say I'm heartbroken is an understatement. I can't believe I've lost him. It was all over so quickly that all I feel is shock.

We stayed with him. I stroked his head and spoke to him in the silly voice I used and as the injection was being administered he made a little meow; I think he was saying goodbye.

It will be awful to go home on Friday and have to pack his things away. He was my special boy. I'll miss our cuddles and how we would 'talk' to me. His weekly bath time and how he'd annoy our cockapoo by staring at her until she looked away.

RIP my beautiful boy. Our home wont ever be quite the same again without you.

Well said whiff. Very inspirational.

Allsorts I'm ok with weekends now but I have struggled in the past. The trick is to make sure you arrange something.....even if it's just a trip to the supermarket. Anything to get you out of the house.

Covid restrictions are ending.......find things to do that you can do by yourself......cinema, a museum., art galleries, craft/antique fairs. . You can still socially distance, wear your mask etc.

Have your considered joining a meet up group or U3.

Glorious day here......Spring at last. I'm going to crack on with those wretched fences.....?

Allsorts we all cope in different ways. Feeling low is normal and if we didn't have lows we wouldn't enjoy the highs as much. I would think there was something wrong with anyone who was happy all the time and acted as if nothing was even wrong in their life . We are born packed full of emotions so we have to embrace each and everyone. Anyone who says their life is perfect is a fool and a liar. What we go through in life makes us who we are. And I for one like me.

Look at all the things you have overcome in your life and you are still here still living your life. It's easy to give up but all on here haven't given up we are still fighting to live the life we want. Each day brings new highs and lows but we get through them.

I am grateful I wake up every morning and have another day ahead of me. At the moment I am sitting on my sofa bathed in sunlight. Amazed at how much colour there is in my garden. I have a sweet potato ,onion ,red lentil and chickpea soup cooking on my hob. And determined to finish my grandson's height chart this morning and getting my sewing machine out this afternoon to put the backing on.

Hope you all have a good day no matter what it is you have planned.?

Hello everyone. I have realised all my lows are weekends when friends are busy with their families. I feel like the only person alone which is ridiculous I know, how how have I ended up where I am? When I come on here I know it’s not just me and your all coping. So start another week with things pencilled in for each day, including checking here daily.?

QuotePurplepixie Sun 13-Mar-22 11:33:22

Not sure if when you delete pics as your phone is full up, it deletes the same ones sent. [?]

Really glad to hear your friend hasn't got cancer Whiff. My daughter loves cross-stitching. Too small for my sight I'm afraid.

I really hope the new Fibro treatment works well for you DSL I'd love to know more if it's helpful too, Fibromyalgia is one of my DD's complaints. My house is upside down atm too. We've just finished pointing and rendering the celler but the celler steps and head still need doing and it's a dusty messy job that's taking ages, and ofc all the stuff we store there is sitting around elsewhere.

I do hope you find your photos PP.

No answer so far to the reply I sent our ES to the letter he sent us. But then it took him several years to get around to that one...

Cut DH's hair today. I got quick a dab hand at it during lockdown so it seems to be my job now and I made us a lamb dinner. Apart from that a bit of knitting and some TV for me today.

Hi everyone...

Smiles, Whiff, Yogin you are all so inspirational. Whenever I feel slightly overwhelmed at the thought of putting the house on the market and making a move I think about you all and the new lives you have built and it spurs me on.

This Morning I have cleared the top bedroom ready for the decorator. I could do it myself but I'm delegating. It will be much quicker. The house is terribly upside down at the moment but hey, you can't make an omelette without breaking eggs. I keep telling myself it will all be beautiful and buyers will be falling over themselves. Ha ha.

Good luck with your medical investigations Whiff. It does sound like you are getting excellent health care.

Speaking of health care I am trialling a new "wonder product" for my fibro and arthritis. I can't take nsaids because they play havoc with my digestive system. (I'd rather have the pain than the stomach problems). Anyway this new stuff is all natural. It's early days but it does seem to be helping and so far no stomach problems. So hopefully win-win. It's a bit expensive but if it works then it will be worth every penny. I'm so fed up with being held back by pain and exhaustion. I want my energy and my life back.

Pixie...hopefully your son will be able to find your photos.

Not started the fence painting yet, it's been dry and sunny but a very cold wind. I don't want to aggravate my fibro so I'll just wait. The forecast looks better for this week, temperatures rising slowly so hopefully I can get stuck in.

Smiles.....I am so envious of your little "bolt hole". It sounds wonderful. Again you are spurring me on. Once I have moved and got myself sorted out I definitely intend to have a few holidays.

Just about to cook dinner and then settle down with my book. Still not managing to lose weight but I'm not giving up. ?. I'll get there.

I think our EAC would be surprised to say the least, if we were to meet up with them Whiff. We're just no the the people we once were. I think the change in his dad would be a bigger shock to our ES. It's taken him 9 years to accept that our relationship with him is over and, as sad as it is for us it's better this way.

Well it sounds as if you're really getting on with things in your new home Yogin. Like you, like all of us I guess, I never thought the love I had for our ES would change.

TBH where there was love, there's predominantly numbness. Occasional tears which shows the love remains I just rarely 'feel' it, if that makes sense.

You have a difficult and painful anniversary on the horizon socksandsocks. I remember our first year, we were still in shock TBH that it had even happened, never mind that it had been a year.

A very strange thing to do Elless, I mean why would someone do that? Did your ES know you were going to be there? If so then perhaps your d.i.l. was trying to do the right thing by getting you together but a very risky stunt to pull IMO.

It does sound as if she has munchausens and munchausens by proxy which is very concerning for your GS. It's positive that when he's with you, he does some things that his mum doesn't think he's up too, and being able to keep that going will be very good for him.

It's a difficult one. On one had you don't want to encourage your d.i.l.'s health obsession by being overly invested, and on the other, you don't want to appear disinterested and unfeeling.

Perhaps a kind smile and then moving the subject on may be the way forward. It must be so difficult and when I read your posts, it reminds me how fortunate we are to not have to have any contact whatsoever with our ES's wife.

I'd have bitten through my tongue a long time ago.

Glad you're feeling perkier hugshelp. We've had some lovely sunny all be it chilly weather so far, and it's been so good to get away.

We wouldn't be here, wouldn't have bought our original static if we'd not been estranged. Life goes on and our estrangement has made positive changes in our lives which we'd never have expected.

Every cloud as the saying goes .

Pixie I am sorry the photos and texts are gone. Hopefully your son can retrieve them. Have you got hard copies of the photos?

I just checked the photos of my grandson's are still in my library file of my photos. I have hard copies as well in an album. Luckily all the videos are still on my phone. I can't watch them as they make me cry but just knowing I have them is something.

Glad you are painting and hope you post some of your work soon. Seen your dog blankets they are very lucky dogs.

Can't remember if I said but seeing my neurologist on the 1st and got an ultrasound on my kidneys and bladder on the 7th. Health care here is excellent.

Had some good news this week my friend hasn't got cancer. It was a great relief . She starts some treatment this week and seeing her consultant in 6 weeks .

Just having a chill out day. Lots of cross stitching and TV.

Take care everyone. ?

Ellesse - I would be worried sick as well. Sorry I dont have any advice only a hug to send to you.

I have had a few days away from the internet to just gather my thoughts. I had a look back at my eldest son’s photos that he had sent to me in the past via text messages and they are all gone! My youngest son is coming here in 2 weeks time and I’ll ask him about them but it looks like he has blocked me from texts and WhatsApp!? I’ve typed a long letter on the computer which I wont send and it was good to get it off my chest and into words.

I’ve got back into painting and I have a dog blanket to sew together for Battersea.

Take care all. Hugs and love to you all.