SUPPORT for all living with estrangement

If any of us stop posting here the bullies win. I for one will not be bullied by anyone . Had enough of that as a children . Bullying by an adult is unexceptable.

We all know why we joined this thread we needed a safe place to be be. Where we could get support,advice , understanding and more importantly friendship.

I will never understand why my son has thrown me away but I have never wished his marriage to fail. I know my son and daughter in law love eachother very much. And know my grandson's are the centre of their world.

It's me they have a problem with but no idea why. I know what my son put in his email and letter but it was a pack of lies and re writing history. But it's not just me he has thrown away but all over side of the family.

My grandson's are only young so they have no say in who they want to see. And by now would have forgotten me.

But I don't hate them don't want and need hate in my life had enough of that from my in laws from 1975 until his mother's death in 2015.

As I said before until I found this thread I didn't know it was called estrangement . But by finding have made peace with what my son has done. I have wobbles but his wanting zero contact has helped me deal with them. Couldn't play the games some of you are subjected to. I know my limits.

My daughter in law had a lovely time on Reddit bashing me but she over stepped the mark. When she wrote FIL died to get away from MIL. Up until that point I still loved her even though she had started the bashing about a year before I moved here. Knowing she wrote that any love I felt died. How could anyone write such an evil thing. My husband died in agony from cancer and she never knew my husband.

Often wonder if my son knew or ever read what she wrote. But will never know.

Anyway enough of that.

Wishing you all a early happy new year and hoping 2022 will be a better year for everyone. ???

Grandpanow

This thread is very toxic. As you reference seeing it on mums, I just want to share with the other posters that this thread is making the rounds outside of Gransnet. I’ve seen (not favorable) references to it on other sites, including Reddit. For any who genuinely want to reconnect with any estranged children, you might want to ensure what you’ve said, perhaps venting, isn’t identifiable for your children (and perhaps to). Outside the posters on this thread, the perception is that these are fairly horrible comments.

There are sometimes threads and posts on MN about these situations and posts on here.

Comments on it are not usually complimentary towards some posters on here.

Inevitable I suppose. Some on here post on there, so I guess the sites cross over at times.

But, if the poster thinks his mother is on here (?) it might have been better to deal with it by PM, rather than an angry post.

Or, at least, start a separate thread.

Thank you DSL and I totally agree with your positive outlook on what appeared on here yesterday. They have been reported and I see no reason why GNHQ wont be taking out the trash at some point today.

I agree, that this support thread being known about outside the confines of GN is a good thing. Despite the obvious pain there's a lot of positive information, help and advice, as well as our chat about our everyday lives.

I'm sure that making us feel anxious about our honest posts here was the intention Bridie, a way to silence us and make us afraid of being here for one another.

So as you say Whiff, we will not be bullied into silence. If the mere existence of this thread makes others feel uncomfortable, well IMO that says more about them then it does about us.

It isn't easy facing the truth and perhaps the reality of how cruel and cowardly some EAC are makes uncomfortable reading for others. If the reasons for estrangement are genuine, then why be so angry about and nasty to the decent, kind and loving parents who've been estranged.

That actually made me laugh laugh DL the poster suggesting his horrible bullying mother is one of the posters on here. Reminded me of those 'dead herrings' that Baldrick used to mention in 'Black Adder'.

We are fortunate to have one another, to know that we are here to say a perhaps not fond farewell to 2021, and to be able to look forward to 2022. Secure in the friendships we have made and in the knowledge that no one here, and anyone who is yet to join us, will have to face whatever the forthcoming year may throw at us, alone.

My fellow Warrior Queens, I salute you xx

I too think its not a bad idea for our thoughts to be discussed elsewhere and I welcome the chance to expose the differences of our experience to a wider audience.

In protecting ourselves we are protecting the damaged personalities that are causing havoc not just in our families but I'd bet neighbours, workmates ect would have a story to tell though I accept not all who estrange family behave in this way..

I think these latest texts though are somewhat different.
This thread is a very good support for all of us and we've become virtual friends. Our discussions are genuinely our thoughts and feelings let's keep it that way.
I'll not be bullied either.

What doesn't break us makes us stronger Granniesunite and where we stand united we will not be conquered.

Whiff.....you are right, we mustn't let bullies win, whether it's in RL or on social media. There are always keyboard warriors, who jump up now and again. One or two posts and then they cut and run. They use their anonymity to say things they wouldn't dare say to anyones face in RL.

Our two guest posters did just that......trying to silence us and install fear. They think that by telling us that this thread has been quoted outside of Gransnet it will frighten us into silence and submission.

It's a little late in the day now, EGPs are starting to speak out, both on social media and in RL. The genie is out of the bottle. Such tactics don't scare me. I don't succumb to bullying in RL, nor will I on social media.

Anyway, here we are last day of 2021. A new year beckons. I aim to make some big changes next year, put all the bad stuff behind me and start living my best life.

I'll probably start slowly. Covid is still with us so I'll tread warily until the situation improves. Plus of course we have got the rest of winter to get through. Hopefully come spring I should be ready to start implementing my plans.

Some blue skies this morning, although quite windy. So a brisk bracing walk......then a gentle couple of days to see in the New Year.

Happy New Year everyone. ??. May 2022 be happier for us all.

We salute you back, Smiles. ??

‘That actually made me laugh laugh DL the poster suggesting his horrible bullying mother is one of the posters on here. Reminded me of those 'dead herrings' that Baldrick used to mention in 'Black Adder'grin. ‘

You’re probably right *SL….I always assume, that, in personal matters, people are being truthful. Perhaps not, though. I just thought it was an unpleasant post. ?

Anyway, it’s been a difficult year for many of us, for many different reasons, so I hope everyone has a happier and healthy 2022.?

*Sorry, I don’t know how to link names. ?

For me, the language used is a good indicator of the truthfulness of the content DL. When we are in pain of course we are often angry but when it's expressed in such a hostile way, I doubt it's genuine.

Smileless2012

For me, the language used is a good indicator of the truthfulness of the content DL. When we are in pain of course we are often angry but when it's expressed in such a hostile way, I doubt it's genuine.

Yes, you’re right. I guess my perception antennae is off kilter at the moment. ?

Wonderful posts from you all as usual.

Perhaps Smiles you could put in an order for more chariots and spears as it looks like we are going into battle .??.

Well I will wish you a happy new year to all the old hands and all our new friends who have joined us over the last few months.

Shows how much this thread is needed and how safe people feel being here.

Take care my friends and hopefully 2022 will be a better year for all. ?????

I apologize if my post upset anyone. I have never been estranged. I’ve seen posts on both sides and while there are some very toxic, seemingly abusive posts here and on other venues, I also can see real hurt. My intent was only to share that this thread is being shared elsewhere. I am seeing it used as a reason to reinforce decisions and I am also seeing genuine hurt about some of the posts here. For those of you capable of self reflection, surely you can review the posts on this thread and see that some, not all, are very vile. I can understand it may be possible that they are not a true reflection of the poster- but it can have unintended results. You and the other visitor all have my sympathy. I hope you all find peace some time soon.

Could you point me in the right direction for the vile posts on this thread please * Grandpanow?*

Grandpanow

I apologize if my post upset anyone. I have never been estranged. I’ve seen posts on both sides and while there are some very toxic, seemingly abusive posts here and on other venues, I also can see real hurt. My intent was only to share that this thread is being shared elsewhere. I am seeing it used as a reason to reinforce decisions and I am also seeing genuine hurt about some of the posts here. For those of you capable of self reflection, surely you can review the posts on this thread and see that some, not all, are very vile. I can understand it may be possible that they are not a true reflection of the poster- but it can have unintended results. You and the other visitor all have my sympathy. I hope you all find peace some time soon.

Aye right. Doesn’t work for me at all.

Grandpanow

I apologize if my post upset anyone. I have never been estranged. I’ve seen posts on both sides and while there are some very toxic, seemingly abusive posts here and on other venues, I also can see real hurt. My intent was only to share that this thread is being shared elsewhere. I am seeing it used as a reason to reinforce decisions and I am also seeing genuine hurt about some of the posts here. For those of you capable of self reflection, surely you can review the posts on this thread and see that some, not all, are very vile. I can understand it may be possible that they are not a true reflection of the poster- but it can have unintended results. You and the other visitor all have my sympathy. I hope you all find peace some time soon.

It wouldn’t be the first time threads from the estrangement boards have been shared and discussed elsewhere.

It is good to be mindful of this as I am aware that posters on here have been identified in the past.

I’m not saying this to put anyone off posting, just that this is an open forum and you don’t know who is reading.

Chewbacca

Could you point me in the right direction for the vile posts on this thread please * Grandpanow?*

I don’t want to pick on anyone, particularly if what was said was said in a moment of hurt. If you think none of the posts here are vile, that’s your right.

GG65

Grandpanow

I apologize if my post upset anyone. I have never been estranged. I’ve seen posts on both sides and while there are some very toxic, seemingly abusive posts here and on other venues, I also can see real hurt. My intent was only to share that this thread is being shared elsewhere. I am seeing it used as a reason to reinforce decisions and I am also seeing genuine hurt about some of the posts here. For those of you capable of self reflection, surely you can review the posts on this thread and see that some, not all, are very vile. I can understand it may be possible that they are not a true reflection of the poster- but it can have unintended results. You and the other visitor all have my sympathy. I hope you all find peace some time soon.

It wouldn’t be the first time threads from the estrangement boards have been shared and discussed elsewhere.

It is good to be mindful of this as I am aware that posters on here have been identified in the past.

I’m not saying this to put anyone off posting, just that this is an open forum and you don’t know who is reading.

Thanks for the warning. However........

The thing is if we are speaking the truth then why should we cower in fear of being discovered.

"And the truth shall set you free".

The second thing to remember is that people who have been estranged have already probably experienced the "worst that can happen". They have nothing left to lose.

For many estrangement is a living bereavement. If you can survive it, then you can tackle anything. Being outed on other forms of social media will hold few terrors for those who have suffered the pain and heartache of estrangement.

Once someone has survived their worse case scenario then anything else pales into insignificance.....the old "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger"

Of course I can only speak for myself but I feel certain that others feel pretty much the same way I do. I survived my worst case scenario, in my case the death of my my beloved husband. I can tell you that nothing, not even estrangement from my son, could top that.

Threaten me with "Shaming" me on an Internet forum?? Pah. The bullies will have to do better than that. a internet could happen, in speak from experience here.

As far as I'm concerned I take the view of Oscar Wilde..... "Publish and be damned"

Sorry that penultimate paragraph should have been edited to finish with "the bullies will have to do better than that".

I don't know how to gain access to my post to delete the following "stream of consciousness".

I'm not terribly techno savvy ?

Grandpanow have you trotted over to MN and given them the same warning that their posts about parents and in laws are very toxic, seemingly abusive and very vile and open to public scrutiny? I bet you haven't dared!

I’m not on mumsnet. I’ve commented when I’ve seen hurt on Reddit. You seem very angry and just looking for a fight, so I’ll disengage now. Have a good new year!

That sounds familiar.

What my son has done pales in comparison to my darling husband dieing at the age of 47 in agony unable to breath and me saying to him stop we will be ok. He died a few minutes later. That will be 18 years ago in February. My grief for that man never ends. It broke my heart when he died and lost half of myself.

What my son has done can't break what is already broken . He bent what is left for a while. But like others have said estrangement is a living beveveament. We grief for the children we knew . My love for my son and grandson's will never dim. But I don't know the man who could write such hurtful things and the lies . The biggest of which was I love you mom. If this is love what is his hate like.

I had a lovely and caring son who so cruelly gave me a wonderful birthday and then 4 days later sent me that email. He has shown himself to be a coward and cruel. I don't know the man he has become.

I will never forgive him or my daughter in law and all the trust I had in him has gone for ever.

As I have said don't want nor need hate in my life. So I don't hate them.

If he ever wants to get in touch he knows where I am. But he wants zero contact so I will never contact him.

So he and my daughter in law can spy on me all they like I don't care. Anyway my daughter in law already trolled me on a different forums thread in June 2020 that's how I found out about the Reddit posts.

Nothing I have written on this thread I wouldn't say to their face. Because what I have said is true . But the truth doesn't get them sympathy.

This is how little my son thinks of me he knew when we last saw eachother on my birthday 2020 that after an echo they found something was wrong with my heart. He knew I was waiting for a bubble echo. But still he sent that email. Guess what turns out I was born with a heart defect. Which hopefully I will get the results of the tests I had done last month soon and see if it can be fixed.

So Granpanow do your worst I for one don't care.

I'm sure we will now that you have disengaged Grandpanow.

Just to let you know that the other poster has to quote GNHQ "been shown the door" so rest easy ladies.

For me, for this wonderful thread to be distasteful to anyone on Reddit is a huge complement. For any of you who know nothing of this site and the awful things that are posted there, it is not for the fainthearted or anyone with a weak stomach.

It is far and away the most toxic site I have ever seen. We had a poster on GN who frequently regurgitated what was posted there.

I'm sure I speak for everyone here that up until yesterday evening there haven't been any "vile" posts on this thread. It may be worth you knowing for future reference Granpanow that it greatly reduces one's 'argument' when references to "seemingly abusive and very vile" posts are made which cannot then be substantiated.

"Published and be damned" has been my mantra here on GN for years DSL.

I hope peace especially for you. I can see you struggle.

I doubt that Grandpanow for two reasons. One, you don't know me and if you think you do, what's on here is just one aspect of my life.

I am more than my estrangement.

Two, I cannot regard an 'apology' from anyone who suddenly arrived on this support thread and posted as you did, as being anything more than a faux one.