Sorry to hear you are alone at Xmas. A lot of us are. My girl has given twenty years of estrangement to me. Although, she dipped in and out of my life when she had a crisis. Of which, there were many. She did not learn from any mistakes she made in life. It was almost like she had a self destruct button, for herself, and others. Not just me. Social services told me recently, as they had to safeguard me. That she has an Avoidant personality. Well, I will have to look that up now. I have always loved her, and I have always left the door ajar. So to speak. It's not your fault, we can only bring them to adulthood, the rest is up to them. Enjoy Xmas on your own, at least it will be peaceful