AEC thread. Feel free to chat or add helpful resources here.

Endlessstrife that's so unbelievably sad.

endlessstrife -- I can certainly relate to that story. The sad part is I feel my 'mom' felt much the same way when she had her first. I think she had me just to be the scapegoat because my sis was her first and 'perfect' so she couldn't take her anger out there and heaven forbid she own that she was unhappy because of her adult choices.

So I never felt loved from day one. Yet when I say that of my life experience, I usually get a chorus of, "Of course your mom loved you!" My reply, "If she did? She might have tried a different way of showing it."

My heart breaks for that poor child.

Yes Smileless I can imagine that happening in this case. Hopefully there’ll be someone in this child’s life like your friend, who’ll step up and give her the love she’ll need. My own mother wasn’t brilliant with me. It was clear to everyone, that my sister and I were treated differently. If I ever tried to raise this, she just said I was jealous. Needless to say, we’ve been estranged for some years. There’s some horrible people out there, and they’re all someone’s relatives!

A terrible way for a mother to treat her own child

It must bring back difficult and upsetting memories for you endlesstrife and HolyHannah.

Has anyone had any experience of disassociation? I thought I was through this one. Earlier I was working and I suddenly realised my little dot had come to give me a bedtime hug and I had barely felt/heard him. I had to run after him to make it right

Sounds as if you were just engrossed in what you were doing. I think we all do that from time to time, I know I do.

I totally get that EAC often are experiencing pain, as are EPs/EGPs. What I wonder, though, is if NC doesn't bring the EAC some relief?

HolyHannah and OutsideDave, you agreed, "I have no beef with estranged grandparents per se. estranged grandparents who congregate on Internet forums- much more so."

Why would you have a problem w/ EGPs who congregate on Internet forums? Why is it ok for EAC to do this and not EGPs?

Oh... such heartbreaking posts, endlessstrife, HolyHannah, and Smileless! My eyes are brimming with tears. TG, Smileless, that one little girl has her GM to give her love and stability. But still (sigh)... no other words, really...

www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/summary
www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/
www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/why-estranged-parents-forums.html

These links explain the difference starlady

Interesting, OutsideDave... Thank you.

I couldn't open the first link as it said there was an error and didn't find the other two links either informative or helpful. Rather than explaining differences, they were IMO extremely one sided.

Thankyou for reposting outsidedave, it really shows where and how communication breaks down and how what people share reflects that without them realising.

Starblaze -- LuLu has a new video out.

She's not abusive and none of the people who watch her videos are either. If we feel we were abused? It's because 'someone' told us we were.

Meanwhile her whole attitude and that of many who comment on her videos, oddly act like what Issedai talks about in the 'Why Study Estranged Parents' Forums'.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1DYj1zCWwU&t=403s

Great great links Outsidedave. I've always loved Issendai as there's a lot of truth in there. Especially agree when they say:

In short, members of estranged parents' forums tend to be classic enablers and abusers.

There are good and bad forums. To say that someone who feels they were abused feels that way because someone told them they were is ludicrous.

Closing ranks and making sweeping statements and generalisations shows an inability to be open to the experiences of others.

If you're confident that the decisions you have taken were the right ones for you, or the way you have dealt with the decisions that others have taken was right, why would you be reluctant to 'listen' to those whose decisions and experiences are different?

How can you spend 15 minutes acknowledging that estranged adult children are angry and bitter, because underneath it all they are HURT. Then say they are only hurt because they know their parents don't approve of the their lifestyles so they cut them off... But then say they don't care about their parents anyway.

None of those statements make sense together.

Bonus points (in a nutshell) "we gave them everything and we expect that back, most people do, it's their turn to take care of us"

Extra bonus points for devaluing a trained medical professional.

What a loony

Sorry comment to HolyHannah about the video link.

What a loony

That's personal abuse. Reported.

I was talking about HolyHannah video link. I'll report your comment to explain that to gransnet.

But it's dually true ..

Chewless?

Hahaha

I didn't know there were comments between myself and HolyHannah as I was watching the video and hadn't refreshed the page. This happens to me often that I forget to refresh the page and people think I am talking to them when I forget to name the person I am talking to. As all can see, I corrected and added the name before I was reported. Also, my comment had no baring to what was said in between my comment and the video so should have been apparant.

Starblaze -- That's why I call her LuLu. So much contradiction in one video. I watch with fascination her beliefs about EAC.