Narcissistic adult children

BPD sufferers will push you away, beg for you back, push you away, beg for you back... and it hurts them probably more than it hurts you

NPD will push you to nearly NC, but then manipulate you to come back for more so that they can hurt you some more. They dont want you to recover and move on from them. But unlike BPD, They thrive on the "game"

NPD ppl will often derive some benefit from their actions: financial gain, making themselves look good to others, the benefits of gasslighting so they appear a victim etc

BPD wont benefit. In fact they cut off their noses despite their faces. They will display other self destructive habits like debt/addiction/risky sexual behaviours.

"then they will seek to destroy you" chilling words notanan and so horribly true.

Our ES's wife sought to destroy us and our relationship with our DS. Thank God she failed. She did destroy our relationship with our other son and only GC though.

notanan "NPD ppl will often derive some benefit from their actions: financial gain, making themselves look good to others, the benefits of gasslighting so they appear a victim etc" oh yes and definitely "seek to destroy you".

The terribly sad thing is that ppl with BPD can act the same way, but don't want to be that way, and can have treatment to help them manage the tendancy to sabotage relationships.

Whereas there is no conscience to appeal to with NPD.

But how do you know which you are dealing with?

The term "crocodile tears" was made for NPD

They can appear to care depending on the audience/aims. And act it very well

But with BPD the tears are real

I think when you are confronted with someone with NPD and when you start to find out from others their history, there's no doubt what you're dealing with.

No doubt at all in my mind but I do think it must be difficult for someone who has never experienced someone with NPD to understand. I only know one and thought it must be my fault for so long because I couldn't believe anyone could be like that. It was one of my DiLs, who never says anything bad about anyone and has the sweetest nature, who made me accept that it was this person who was 'evil' and that I had only treated them with kindness and consideration. It is logical that if a person has fallen out with their own family, has very few friends and has abused us that it is them, not us.

Its clear if you are recieving the full throttle venom I suppose but from other peoples point of view and from a professional diagnosis point of view......
Tricky..

It is logical that if a person has fallen out with their own family, has very few friends and has abused us that it is them, not us.

See from a TEXTBOOK point of view, narcs are often popular, charming and sucessful....

There will be a trail of dumped friends and bullied co workers if you dig deeper...

But as good as they are at being cruel, they are just as good at being charming if that means serves an end for them.

Ive seen someone (who I think has narc traits) befriend and invest in getting close to people they never liked, despised even. Who they sabotaged behind their backs and bad mouthed, but the "friends" only saw a sweet, kind and caring friend in them and will probably never link certain events to that person's manipulation..

They are manipulators. They may manipulate by being cruel to you, or they may manipulate by making you think they are your best friend in the world.

Narcs tend to be too "clever" (and sly) to overtly appear "hard work" & unpopular

From the other prospective I am the child of a narcissistic mother.

I thought she was a one off until not so many years ago I read a similar case to mine and identified her as having Narcissistic personality Disorder.

She had no time for me as a child as she was number one so me and my dad had to worship at her alter.

There's too much to bore you all with but it taught me to look after myself from a very young age. My philosophy even back as a seven year old was if I don't look after myself no one else will. This was my emotional well being. I was fed and clothed that wasn't an issue.

Gosh notanan have you met our ES's wife? We spent months before the estrangement listening to her, backed up by our ES, telling us how she was being bullied beyond endurance by a co worker. Her oldest childhood friend told us once our estrangement had happened that it was her who was the bully. She spoke to her about it because she was so shocked by her behaviour and then was discarded.

Our ES and his wife were God parents to her friends youngest daughter who adored our ES. She was only 4 and had a picture of herself and our ES by her bed. She was so distraught when our ES's wife severed all contact with her mother and she never heard from or saw our ES again, that her mum had to take the photograph out of her room. Another victim, just a little girl caught up in the web of deceit and cruelty of our ES's narcissistic wife.

We spent months before the estrangement listening to her, backed up by our ES, telling us how she was being bullied beyond endurance by a co worker. Her oldest childhood friend told us once our estrangement had happened that it was her who was the bully.

Narcs genuinely do see themselves as the victims whenever others resist their manipulation or bad behaviour, so IMO whole heartedly see themselves as victims in scenarios where they are systematically targeting and bullying others.

And in fact, reporting their "targets" to HR for bullying can be their method of bullying! It makes people terrified to challenge or stand to them for fear of getting a bullying complaint on their HR record!

notnan there you go again, confirming it! Bullying a co-worker until they left, yes, that happened too. Also 'making out they are the victim'. Oh yes, watched it all happen over and over again and also saw the people who were taken in by it all. Always alluded to the bad behaviour of others but never gave any actual examples and has managed to convince those on the fringe that they are the victim.

I still can't work out if they are so ill they actually believe themselves.

Must be so hard for the children of such a person. I imagine they think their life is normal but when they leave home they will realise what their parent is.

I still can't work out if they are so ill they actually believe themselves

I believe yes, personally.

When lying is your default it becomes your truth maybe?

Whereas people with BPD are fully aware that they are lying. And tell dufferent versions or different variations if the truth to different ppl

Oh, overthehill, your post brought tears to my eyes. Hugs!

Smileless, your EDIL is unbelievable!

Interesting information, notanan!

Im not an expert its all stuff I have read online or experienced personally so dont take it as 100% fact its just what I believe to be true

I believe it to be true too notanan as we've seen it and it really does have to be seen to be believed and even then, you still hope that it's a bad dream that you'll wake up from.

It is shocking to desperately appeal to someone's humanity/conscience only to find that there is none there

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bordersgirl, the first 4 on that list are good, but the second four are so dismissive of the other person. I wouldn’t suggest using them.