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estranged grandchild's upcoming birthday - what do you do?

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nina1959 Thu 02-Mar-17 14:05:26

Hello all

I'm in the estranged camp, I have been for some time and having read posts and run groups for estranged parents, I have no answers. I've just learned to accept it although I know it's incredibly hard and just reading a few posts here, I understand the pain many of you are going through.
So all this being said, I have a small grandaughter who has a birthday coming up this month. The saddest thing is that her mother, my daughter, has decided not to allow her to know us. In some ways I think she's punishing us for her own unhappiness but I just don't know anymore. I think it's wrong not to allow a child to know it's own gene pool but I can do little about it.

There's no point sending anything, I don't have an address. Email cards aren't opened and I imagine any other form of offering a gift via a third party isn't given anyway. Then I also think to keep on trying does three things, none which are good, a) keeps you dangling on the false end of hope, b) makes it look as though you're insisting on staying connected, c) keeps you in a control battle.

Then there's the child herself who knows nothing about us but may grow up wishing she had so I feel I've got to keep an ember of hope glowing for her sake.
I just don't know how.

Any thoughts> I've started a family footprint of photos, notes and other things so maybe one day, she can trace back her roots. But otherwise, I'm at a loss.

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Whiff Sat 30-Mar-24 06:39:51

FGC52 this thread started in 2017 might be better if you started a new thread.
But to answer your question since my son sent his birthday and second sons cards back along with my new grandsons birth presents crushed all unopened with a hand written letter stating he didn't want my vindictive and manipulative behaviour anywhere near him or his family ever again. Zero contact. August 2020 never sent anything again. But wish him and my 3 grandson's happy birthday etc to the air. He estranged me via email in May 2020 4 days after he was here for my birthday had a wonderful time with him but Covid rules in place. No idea what was to come . But I have never been vindictive or manipulative in my life. Will never know why I became disposable along with our side of the family. My husband his dad died in 2004.

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Allsorts Sat 30-Mar-24 06:56:45

This post was started 7 years ago and someone resurrected it, I do wonder why as you would have to look far back to find it. As Whiff has said maybe start another one. I would like to hear if Nina and original poster reunited, I was one on there and I didn't.

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Smileless2012 Sat 30-Mar-24 08:36:47

Hello FGC52 as has already been suggested, it might be better to start a new thread as you'll probably get more replies.

FWIW I think you'd be better off starting a savings account for your GC and maybe a memory box, where you can put those cards for birthdays and Christmas so that one day your GC will know they had a grandfather who although they never met, thought about them.

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