School issues

These are unforgivable mistakes in a school. Speaking as an ex-teacher the headteacher and all staff should have been aware of the situation and have treated you and your grandson with great sensitivity. Even a large Academy chain school should be able to get this right.
It's a good idea, as you say, to write your points down so that you don't become too sidetracked by emotion.
There should be counselling provided for your grandson through the school from organisations such as "Winston's Wish".
I hope your meeting goes well missadventure.

We re all here with our bovver boots on
You have been treated badly and perhaps your complaint will help someone else in the future look at it that way
GOOD LUCK

Winston's Wish offers ongoing support to bereaved children and their families. You may find it useful for your grandson.
www.winstonswish.org/

As Bluebelle says we have our bovver boots on and we are all right behind you. Hope they grovel..... shall wait for an update!

Message deleted by Gransnet.

I've worked in schools for many years and understand how miscommunication happens, but and it's a big but, there is no excuse for this to have happened to you in such an awful set of circumstances. This is not a trivial matter, it's about as serious as it can get for all of you. My thoughts would be to request a meeting with the Headteacher and any person responsible for family liaison or welfare as well as the appropriate Form Tutor and/or Head of Year. Up to you whether you request the presence of the Chairman of the Governors. I would. I would be asking them to ensure that such a thing NEVER happens again, how they intend to do that and request that it is brought up in Staff Briefing, which they should have at least weekly. Also ask that the meeting be minutes and a copy sent to you.
Having said all that though, I'm aware that this is a lot to ask of you after what you have been through and you must do what feels right for you and your grandson. It would be understandable if you've had enough. No-one would think you were wrong to let it lie ... you know your grandson best and it may be best all round to do just that.
It's all to easy for others (like me!) to suggest things, I know that only too well.
Sending understanding and sympathy.

Actually, my message above was deleted at my own request - why did you not say that GNHQ? because I thought better of it after thinking about it.

However, I would just like to say that I was being supportive, MissAdventure and with you all the way.

Actually, I will repeat the part that matters:

We shall all be there behind you, giving the HT and whoever else is there the Paddington Bear Hard Stare.

(sorry if that sounds frivolous).

Didn't we all do well, ladies?
I got a very heartfelt apology, and will be getting a written one, regarding the letter in my daughters name, I also asked that grandson should get some acknowledgement that it upset him.
The head was very forthright and said 'oh, excuse me, I believe you dont have an official order to say that grandson lives with you'. I told her I don't need one, actually, and that they have been informed by email and phone that grandson lives with me. I asked how many more times they need to be informed, and told her how hurtful it is to think our greatest tragedy seems to mean nothing.
She tried to bring up the fact that we didn't attend a meeting, and I reminded her that it was arranged too late, my daughter was in no fit state to see anyone by that time, and died less than a week later. She again said 'oh but we arranged a meeting after then and you didn't want to attend'. I explained that it was 2 days after my daughters death, and of course I wasn't in any fit state.
I told her about a teacher asking grandson why his work had 'gone down' in the last couple of months, and she admitted it was unacceptable.
I did get the feeling that she was trying to wriggle out of it, but I think she realised very well that they have fallen very far short of being 'supportive'.
I did have a cry, but managed to hold it together, and it ended on good terms. Sorry, all a bit rambly, but I'm relieved its done, and wanted to thank you all.

Oh, almost forgot. I also asked why they are not texting my number with upcoming events and special days. She checked the computer in front of me and just fell silent. My number is there, in an email, sent to the school back in November.
I also have a meeting next week to meet grandsons teacher, and the lady who has been spending some one to one time with him (who I didn't know about - so they have got something right)
She also told me that his work is as good as ever. It hasn't declined at all.

Well done! I think they should send you a big bouquet of flowers with the letter and write an apology letter direct to your grandson.

Well done Miss Adventure!
It's a shame that the Head had to be so defensive about the school's mistakes. She should have just accepted the blame and apologised profusely without you having to provide explanations of why you and your daughter couldn't attend meetings. But hopefully she will be more sensitive and supportive in the future.

Phew well done MissAdventure

Well done, MissAdventure, for being so strong when you were feeling so vulnerable. I too think the Head could have just apologised wholeheartedly without being defensive, but you've put the record straight and set the scene for improvements to the school systems, not just for your grandson, but for any other child who needs support.

Well done!

Well done MissAdventure, you were strong and stood up to her.
I still think that the attitude of the Head and the school was and is less than acceptable and that you need a wholehearted apology from her on behalf of all those who failed to support you all.

However, let's hope their attitude will be better in future and that they will be much more supportive.
(Otherwise we will be marching again)

Well done to you people. I wouldn't have done it without a push, and it would have festered: my resentment would have grown, and that's no good for anybody.
You've no idea how much of a help you've been.
Also, special thanks to silverlining48 who has been helping me too, quietly though, because she has the lurgy.

Oh well done MissAdventure congratulations.

Well done Miss Adventure, it's so tough to face up to those who have behaved badly and misused their power. I've been shocked and distressed to read of your experiences with your grandsons school and I admire the way you've held it together and challenged where necessary without losing your cool. Here's hoping the head teacher now takes a more effective lead in meeting your grandsons holistic needs. Her comment that you'd declined to attend a meeting made me so cross!

Thanks missA happy to have helped. Well do ne for saying what needed to be said, you should be pleased with yourself. I hope things improve at school from now on. However like other g/ netters, am not impressed with the head. X

Congrats MissAdventure . What a weight lifted for you. Well done x

Well done MissAdventure. Now the HT and the school know exactly what the situation is and that a feisty gran is on the case.

MissAdventure , well done! I hope things improve from now on. I was horrified at the way the school dealt with your family.

Me too, Marydoll. The things outlined today are just the tip of the iceberg really, but hopefully today has ironed some things out, and made clear that I meant what I said. Even if I did blub..
Again, thank you all.

Excellent work MissA! As someone else said, it's a pity the HT tried to offload some of the blame on to you ... but all round I'd say that's a result. I hope lessons have been learned and that they behave very differently in future. x