New swear words—really good ones

Mind you joking apart....After years of really loathing the very sound of the 'F' word and never ever using it, I have found that on a few occasions and only when alone I find that saying it very abruptly, just the once, very effective. As in at that moment of real annoyance for say breaking a decent cup or stubbing a toe, it passes off quickly and I just let the moment go.

Mine is usually "What the blue blazes?" Or "Beep,beep, beep" as on tv when they beep out the bad words but we all know which word were said.

"Uriniferous tubules!" - a genuine anatomical structure but great for having a swear!

Oh and one for when feeling threatened.....'Scary Biscuits'

I've enjoyed all the variations on 'Upstart Crow'.

My mother used to use 'Not Pygmalion likely', a sanitised version of Eliza Dolittle's 'Not bloody likely'. Don't think she coined it herself but never heard it elsewhere, nor her 'Down in the forest something stirred' if someone dropped and broke something.

'Rissoles!' was one of my father's, though he wasn't exactly reticent about stronger language. He could be quite inventive - two I remember are, 'Crap and corruption!' and
'Shit and seduction!'
Often out of frustration when IIRC he couldn't find what he was looking for in the cupboard under the stairs.

My sister, when young, used to shout "Bugleegs!"

I couldn't possibly divulge the swear words she uses nowadays, your ears would curl.

I like, 'Hell's Bells and Buckets of Blood' too. I wonder what it means! Also 'Blood and Thunder' ! When DGC came along I invented, 'FFlippety-Floppety-Floo-Fla! The FFs are very satisfying.

I've also just remembered, 'Heavens to Murgatroyd'.

I'm sure a thesis could be written about the phrases on this thread or maybe even a popular book. It could be called, 'I Swear to You' or maybe, 'I Swear to Tell the Truth...' Any ideas?

Joanna Lumley once said she used to shout "Turgid ramekins" at bad drivers who always looked suitably baffled. She said the words were quite satisfying to deliver in a loud voice. (Possibly the said bad drivers were more surprised to note that it was Joanna Lumley!!)

Stay me with flagons seems appropriate to my lifestyle.

GrannyGravy13 my granny used to say “I’ll go to t’foot of our stairs”. Another favourite was “Blood and stomach pills”.

Surprise was indicated by “You could have blown me down with a feather”

An old friend of ours would come out with ‘Well starve the lizards!’ to express incredulity.

Hooty, I started to say 'flipping nora' in front of DGS but I thought I had made it up myself! Maybe I had heard 'flaming nora' somewhere subconsciously....
Needless to say there is now a 2 year old going around saying 'flipping nora' whenever he drops something etc.... ?

I too like ‘ barsteward’ Greyduster along with ‘ Boldricks’

Just about the most effective expletive for me is "FOR GOODNESS SAKE!' shouted at volume, usually at myself for being clumsy.

Does anyone remember Jennings and Derbyshire who used to say, 'Oh fish-hooks!' ?

A friend of mine was always talking about her wanky knee until I put her right.

My father always used the expression 'clot'. I don't think you hear it now.

My father would sometimes say, 'Rissoles!' - no prizes for guessing what it was a substitute for. He often used rather more 'colourful' expletives, though - often alliterative. 'Crap and corruption!' is one I remember.

I once said “shit” in front of my older grandchildren (12,10,8) after I had knocked a much loved teapot off the bench and smashed the handle clean off ! They have never let me live it down ! The other “nana” swears like a trouper but I say “shit” once and I’m tortured for it !

Now I just say “teapot” instead of swearing . They know exactly what I mean .

I use "Hell's teeth!" quite a lot. I also use other stronger words and phrases occasionally which are not for this thread!

I always like "By Jove!" as an expression. Can't say I have ever used it!

Fudge is a useful variation if you are almost caught saying worse with children around.

Make your own up. Sugarplumithas works for me.

Is there any reason by gillybob can't tell us who the pm'er was?

I used 'Poodles' when I was frustrated or cross and the grandchildren always laughed if I used it in front of them. Had forgotten about the word as I no longer have to be careful and now I'm retired I don't often feel the need to swear unless I read a newspaper

I still quite like "Hell's Bells and Buckets of Blood"