Helping our daughter and husband with new born

Thanks for your comments. It's good to know that other people are taking the same precautions as us. We were beginning to feel that we were the only ones and a little moral support does help. Hopefully social distancing will continue in many families until we have learned how to live with Covid.

Annieblue you are not stupid following the rules. We are in exactly the same position with our three month old granddaughter. She is our sixth but no less special and I would not dream of holding her.We are all risk averse and would not dream of breaking the rules even though we have been shielding since March. We see her in the garden and that is enough in the circumstances.I can understand how you feel
but these are not irreplaceable experiences.You cannot be too careful and there will be many,many happy experiences ahead.

Because other people do things, does that make them right?
You are feeling left out which is understandable but your decisions have to be your own, not based on “other people” or a majority division from total strangers n GN.

Our first grandchild was born during lockdown and is now nearly 2 months old. We've met them with social distancing but are beginning to feel that we're very unusual as we've not held the new baby. Our friends all seem to be ignoring the guidelines and are building up happy memories. Both we and the babies parents are torn. Are we being stupid following the rules and losing out on irreplaceable experiences?

Ask your daughter what she wants...then make your own decision within her framework. You can only help as much as she's willing to accept. Post partum hormones are real.

When I had my DD my MiL and FiL came to visit the next day while I was still in hospital, then MiL came for a day soon after I went home. No help was offered - she just spent a lot of time holding the baby and cooing over her. She also announced that she intended to see the baby every 6 weeks - she didn't live nearby - and I soon had to put a stop to that as it was always on their terms, not when it suited us! My own DM who lived even further away, and didn't drive, had to wait about 7 weeks to see her when we could go to visit. Looking back it was very stressful having MiL visiting as we ended up looking after her!

My own DS and DiL are expecting their 1st baby in September but are going to be moving overseas in October, so I'll have to visit quite early or I'll have a very long way to travel to see them after the first couple of weeks, but after reading some of the responses on here I'll try not to put too much pressure on them. They should have a reasonable amount of help as they have just moved to live with DiL's parents until the move to Germany. I just hope the issues of travelling and staying with people have eased a bit by then.

I saw them this week for the first time since Christmas and not being able to give them a hug was really hard. At least we were able to have a coffee in the garden and they could use my house as a service stop as it is half way between where they had been living and where they are now. DS and his MiL visited 3 times, with my DiL with them as well on the last trip.

As a result my downstairs loo is currently cleaner than it has been in years, and my house is now referred to as Slough services!

The responsible thing to do is to stay away. It just can't be right to take even the smallest risk:

www.theguardian.com/society/2020/jun/18/covid-19-13-day-old-baby-becomes-one-of-englands-youngest-victims

just take your lead from the parents.
if they ask for anything, including staying away, do it without fuss.
not saying you would do anything else btw.
read of another new GM itching to pick up and cuddle a preemie twin, who was quite unwell, kept in hosp. as if her cuddling would help the baby. sounded annoyed that not allowed. some people are so deluded. i cringed reading it.

My advice is to speak with your daughter as soon as possible of this. A good plain talk to establish what she needs and how she feels. Don't assume they won't want you there, as they might and if you don't call to set some kind of agreed plan she may feel hurt and think you are not interested. You both need to speak as soon as possible and be guided by your daughter's wishes. There is nothing stopping you seeing your new grandchild from a distance or through a window, not the same as a first cuddle but hopefully that may be possible soon.

From what I have read on other forums new parents don't want people visiting for at least a couple of weeks. They want the time with their new baby without having to accommodate other people. Assurance you are at the end of the phone if need be and perhaps some of the suggestions eg Cook, nappies, etc would be really appreciated in the meantime. You will be helping your GC and family to stay safe.

have you ASKED your daughter.? see what she thinks .. give them time to get into a routine and space to sort things out. you could do a video call so you can see the baby.but a visit i dont think so. as you will want to hold baby .and hugs and cuddles are out....

I agree, arranging deliveries of ready meals or anything very easily prepared will be welcome. My dd was always especially pleased to see anyone who brought something that could just be shoved in the oven to heat up.

As for other matters, I was dying to show off my new babies to friends and relatives - I don’t understand this banning of visitors (in normal times) esp. grandparents. Though I do realise that some may be just an interfering pain - luckily none of ours were.
Dd is the same as I was - no. 3 was born in early Jan and we were all (2 older Gdcs included) in the hospital and taking turns to hold the new baby within about an hour!

I really feel for anyone who can’t see a new grandchild for the foreseeable. Though we have met up a couple of times recently, I really missed seeing our new little Gdd and the elder ones during lockdown.

Our new GS is in Perth, Australia. He was born on 11th May. His arrival was unannounced, except to the immediate family, for about ten days. This allowed his parents to have a peaceful time bonding with their first child.
DIL’s parents live nearby. The lockdown has been lifted there, so they have had their cuddles. He is their first GC, but they are behaving impeccably, and not being intrusive.
I have had to be content with a long-distance relationship with him, so far. It’s sad, but they are very good at Messaging me when he is awake. I will meet him eventually, when the risk of infection has receded, however long that may be. I certainly wouldn’t put them at risk by visiting now, Walsing. You can always have a safe-distance visit though, which is better than nothing, and offer whatever help they need in other ways.

I am not surprised to see the effects of baby recovering the weight faster.
I also wonder about post partum mental health impact due to pandemic.

There is a myth that the new parents need help with a newborn, as if they have no other option but to let people in from the very beginning whe the baby is born.
That's not the case. New parents may choose to do everything by themselves and take time as a new family, while relatives and friends may take offense on being "excluded"

The 4th trimester is not taken seriously enough. This pandemic has had some positive points.

Our grandson was born the first week of lockdown and, as soon as my daughter came home from hospital, we went to see him from the garden looking through the conservatory window. I have had a cuddle now but it wasn't until he was three months old. We visit each other now but sit in the garden.
The new parents said lockdown actually made things easier as they didn't have hordes of people descending on them wanting to see the new baby.
But she has been amazed at the number of people she doesn't know well who, when spotting her taking him out for a walk, will be all over him, regardless of any social distancing. She moans to me but won't say anything to the offenders. But he is rather gorgeous and worth the wait!

Congratulations on the new baby. My advice would be to see the little one from a distance but no contact. You are at risk as an older person, and so is baby. When our newest granddaughter was born in March, the doctor told her mum that newborns were very vulnerable to the virus, so it was very important to reduce all chances of infection.

We still have not had a cuddle, but that's now for our sakes rather than hers. It's my birthday tomorrow and I am terribly tempted to have a birthday cuddle. On the other hand, we live in Leicester which is currently undergoing a surge in infections, so it is probably a bad idea. Patience is a virtue...

You need to take every possible precaution now, with a newborn, to ensure that you all have years to enjoy together in the future.

Someone I know is expecting next month and her mother is planning to be there for the home birth and is staying for a fortnight.
It seems rather dangerous to me but I'm just a concerned friend.

Ive just got a new gd a week& a half old now.im just going to wait and see her on facetime and photos.

Give them space and time to decide themselves whens best time for everyone to see the baby- im sure the death of that 13 day old baby from covid19 has struck sheer terror into the hearts of any new parents or parents to be, so they will all be even extra cautious now.And rightly so.No cuddle is worth that.

Easy! This is a no brainer.
Ask the parents what they need

Help is what is requested, not what the helper is willing to do.

I agree with Mawb lovely generous offers. Cook are great. All her suggestions were.

Congratulations on your new Gc. I agree with lots on here about staying away and letting the parents have there bonding time, with midwife visits etc. The help my DDs appreciated the most was practical, cooking up meals for them to freeze, walking the dog doing the laundry all can be collected and dropped by front door, or sil can collect from your front door. Time is precious to them as a new family let them indulge in it.

You can be in a bubble with the family as a single person I am now doing this with one daughter.

I don’t see anyone else apart from my partner who never leaves the house and garden.

It’s difficult as if you are in the bubble with her you should not be seeing anyone else from another household. I personally would not do this if I was working out of my home.

Wait a while and certainly be guided by the parents. I would air on the cautious and keep away. You could go to their house and look through the window but I would wait before the cuddle as it is too risky. Congratulations.

Congratulations on your new grandchild! From my memories my MiL came to 'help with No.1 DD, with FiL, I'm afraid they just got in the way! FiL seemed to spend his life in the toilet (there was only one in those days) MiL was criled with arthritis so unable to do much. My DM came for 2nd DD, she was very colicky and cried a lot - my DM thought I should be able to switch her off (if only)
It depends how convenient you are to where they live. How about offering to do the shopping? And yes, cooking nutritious meals for the freezer sounds a great idea!