I’m at my wits end !

I'm beginning to think my husband has secretly married you and set up a second household with you .....
Seriously though, I have already moved to the spare bedroom, the house, especially the living areas, get sanitized several times a day and I'm now paranoid about what he's touched or used, from the we to the pepper pot.
I'd have to travel 250 miles to move in with my daughter.
He doesn't think he's being Sufism or uncaring, he honestly doesn't think he could possibly catch it or spread it .... I know he thinks I'm over reacting. There's nothing we can do to change them so we either live with the constant fear or move out.
I'm living with it.
Good luck

I would leave him, or more to the point ask him to leave - the past few months have laid relationships bare and we see the whole spectrum of abuse from physical to mental and your husband’s falls into the latter. He is placing you in a state of fear and the least he could do is ask for your opinion on how you would feel if he went - by simply telling you he is showing a lack of care and recklessness in his endangerment of your life - I have no confidence in the ability of pubs to enforce social distancing - if the police can’t do it in public spaces then I don’t see how a bunch of very young adults which is what the hospitality industry’s bar personnel comprise can ensure social distancing - this is purely an economic measure to appease business and totally against scientific advice - so have the serious conversation and then take a serious move.

I think I’d say if he goes to the pub he can stay there.

He sounds quite selfish, sorry if you think that’s harsh.

Good luck.

It's all very well pubs having to demonstrate they have social distancing, getting the public to adhere to it is another matter. I laughed when I saw churches are nit allowed to have signing as this is considered a high risk way to spread the virus. Pubs are an enclosed space and people will be raising voices speaking and laughing. No risk there then. Also air conditioning will be on in the warmer weather. Air conditioning doesn't filter air, it just sucks it in warm and blows it back out cooler. I would be moving in with daughter!

Beau1958 I have just read your post to my husband, and his advice to you is "if he goes to the pub, lock the doors after him and don't allow him back in until he sees sence", that coming from a man might make him realise how worried you are and how serious this situation still is.

He's not too bright...this is a deal breaker for me. Tell him exactly how you feel. If he doesn't care, explain the consequences. Still stupid? Move in with your daughter or send his selfish butt packing. Buh bye.

How awful. My first instinct is to say to move in with your daughter,or better still for HIM to move out. I imagine sharing a house with someone with such a lack of regard to rules would be exhausting.
Only you know your personal and financial circumstances. Does he have lots of positive attributes or is the current situation indicative of life in general with him?
A lot of people are hearing what they want to hear. I'm sure pubs will do their best but it's down to customers as well. The arguments for and against the current safety are covered elsewhere.
Sometimes people get entrenched in an argument and it becomes a matter of principle rather than based on reality.
Maybe a rational approach from you along the lines of if he cant remain living with you and even if its temporary its non negotiable may focus him?

I’d hate to be married to someone who put his mates before me. Thank God I’ve been single for 17years!

I follow the medical community on Twitter (as I’m ex-medical myself). They all say this undoing of the 2 meter distancing is bonkers and purely a commercial/political decision.

Do what you can to stay safe. Put you and your daughter/grandchildren first. Fingers crossed your husband doesn’t contract this awful virus.

I would move in with your daughter if you would feel comfortable. How lovely to be around your little grand-children. He has the most reckless attitude. Very selfish. Your daughters first if comfortable or the spare room at your place with him in it! Good luck.

Thank you all to the bottom of my heart for being so supportive and your advice some of your comments bought me to tears. This is such a hard decision my partner not husband has always been the main breadwinner, owning a large company. If I left I’d have nothing as we are not married. My daughters house is only 2 bedrooms she’s a single mum she would welcome me with open arms but how would I cope with no money I’d have to sleep on the sofa I also have 2 dogs that I couldn’t leave behind. This is so hard.

It is sad that your husband has displayed such a seemingly uncaring attitude towards you but you say you have had lots of rows about it and it may be that he feels very driven to say stupid things.
If you have been happy together for many years and been content with your relationship, it is important that you do not let these unusual circumstances drive you apart.
With the greatest respect, whilst you are understandably worried about the consequences, disbelieving of the current advice, etc, your husband has the right to take a different stance. Both of you have valid points. Is there no way that you can sit down and negotiate a way forward? Maybe write a letter to him telling him how important this is to you that you resolve this so it doesn't impact your marriage negatively for years to come and how hurt you are. Also acknowledge that he has a right to think differently to you but you would appreciate him going the extra mile to alleviate your fears. If you use threats you will only entrench him in his position and you will be more hurt so nothing will get resolved. Gently reminding him that marriage is about team work where you are pulling together rather than pulling apart may have more impact than a guilt trip.
One thing that jumps out at me is that you are helping your daughter with her children and that is a big reason why you are worried. Your husband may feel that he would like to live his life without the worry of children (seems to be a man thing) so whilst he may not actively want any harm to come to them, he might resent his life being impacted by them. At 40 your daughter is an adult who makes her own choices so he may want to live his life now. Even the nicest people sometimes feel that way!

How selfish can so many men be. I'm afraid that I would agree and go and live with your daughter and the children and maybe when he's getting hungry and the place is beginning to look untidy then he might realize that he misses you. Don't argue you are worth more than that and so are your family. Wait until he goes out and then you go.

Honestly, I would move in with your daughter. It's not safe out there.

I think if your husband thought about your worries then he should go to the pub at quieter times for now, and because the weather is ok, just drink outside.

I can understand him missing the social life of the pub and the govt has said that pubs can open. He probably thinks he's done exactly what he should and, as he's following the guidelines, he thinks it's you that's being unreasonable. I agree it's difficult to social distance in pubs but they should have measures in place. It's not such an easy thing to disrupt everyone and move in with your daughter either - she may not have room and why shouldn't you be in your own home? Can you tell him that you will accept him going to the pub but then he has to accept too that you are still fearful and you will need to keep away from him. Do you have a spare room? Maybe he'll compromise too if he's cooking, washing etc for himself. Eventually though we all have to get back to normal and each step is going to be worrying.

Sorry post crossed with yours Beau.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

You could try going with him to make sure he sticks to the rules

I really hope pubs obey the rules and are prosecuted or are threatened with losing their license if they don't apparantly owners of businesses who don't l adhere to the guidelines can face up to 2 years on prison. Hopefully that will encourage landlords to make sure their clients obey the rules.
OP I'm sorry I have no advice only sympathy. It's one thing for people to say they are not worried about getting it. They forget they are being selfish becaue they can also pass it on.

Yes - another vote here for moving in with your daughter. Let's hope he feels a few session down the pub are worth catching a potentially deadly virus.

QuoteBeau1958 - I really do feel for you. He is being incredibly selfish. Just remind him that a if fit and slim athlete like Novak Djokovic can get it, what's the likelihood of an unfit and fat man getting it.
And talk to a solicitor about adding you to his assets!!

Brilliant post icanhandthemback. I totally agree with negotiation. I'm a control freak and DH loves his pub times with his chums. All old fogies. In the fine weather we've invited five of the old souls around for socially distanced convivial chat as soon as it was allowed. They BYOB and I measure out the chair spaces,provide glasses from the dishwasher,packet crisps,iced water and keep a fairly beady eye on them from my sewing room. I think they are all a bit afraid of me anyway we have a wild area next to the garden so if their prostates bother them they can take a chance with the nettles. I think their wives are very grateful for a break . I know it's not easy if you haven't got a garden and couldn't do it if they had to walk through the house but it might be worth a try. They take their rubbish away and we collect glasses with gloves on straight to the dishwasher. I think it's good for my husband's mental health. As they have to walk and carry their booze no one overdoes it.

Okay this is not going to be popular.
I’m in Guernsey where things have moved on, we have used the pub during the first stage it was fine. Table service people kept their distance. The publicans are desperate to rekindle the business and were outstanding at observing standards of hygiene.
This whole thread is quite a husband bashing and reality is please trust him tell him your fears. He could be safe if he follows all the guidelines and then you will be too if you don’t want to go with him.

Divorce him end of he obviously only cares about himself and yes I am being serious too, it may not be convenient for this lady to move in with her daughter due to house size etc.

Exactly how much fun will the pub be anyway?

Everyone is to sit socially distanced (they say).

Air conditioning will be turned off.

A couple of pints and you'll be out.

Marvellous!