We have all experienced wobbles, feeling hopeless, it's nothing to be ashamed of, Lizbethann55.
Your will find many on here, who feel the same. Please don't think I'm unsympathetic, there are times in the past, where I have been in a very dark place and needed help.
However, it's how we deal with the current situation that is important.
Do we wallow or do we decide what we can do to make life more tolerable at the moment.
I read all the positives in your post:
A DH who cares about you.
Nice home
A job
You see your grandchildren a few times a week.
Reasonable health or you would be shielding.
You can get out for a walk.
Retirement to look forward to, if you decide to embrace it and enjoy the benefits it brings.
Things will get better for you, just hang on in there.
For those of us, who are shielding, won't get out in the foreseeable future, have had medical treatment postponed, in poor health and unable to enjoy the freedom retirement brings, can't see our grandchildren and have to rely on others for food deliveries, life is not so rosy.
However, I have learned to look for the positives, albeit the small ones, otherwise I would become severely depressed.
I am still alive that's what's important!
Why don't you read the Black Dog Thread on here, you will find lots of support.
I hope things get better for you.