Guilty feelings about not hosting christmas

last year i was in hospital with sepsis, the first week they were not sure if i would even make it, i got home on the 24th, my son wanted me to go to there house but it was the first christmas without my partner and i did not want to put a dampner on there family time, this year is the first in there new house and it is a take away day so no fancy meal to cook, but i am going to spend it here on my own and i am more than happy to do this. people should spend christmas the way they want, i have watched people mainly women in the supermarket filling the trolly and looking stressed at the thought of cooking christmas dinner and all the mess that comes with it, one of my friends is doing what i used to do, having a buffet and another is sending out for take away, mums deserve to have a nice christmas without all the stress that goes with it. i hope you have a lovely day and happy christmas.

Corall ,you will be fine. Just follow the plan you have with DH and it will all go well. take good of the brake.
You'll see them in the morning then enjoy the rest of your day. Let guilt go up the chimney.

Best Christmas was during lockdown! Due to have all the family ( 8) over but it was banned at the last moment. Cut the turkey in half, divided up the veg and other random bits eg mince pies, snacks, booze etc between our 2 children, spouses and grandchildren. Had venison for our Christmas dinner - very short cooking time not hours! Great.

Plunger

Best Christmas was during lockdown! Due to have all the family ( 8) over but it was banned at the last moment. Cut the turkey in half, divided up the veg and other random bits eg mince pies, snacks, booze etc between our 2 children, spouses and grandchildren. Had venison for our Christmas dinner - very short cooking time not hours! Great.

You’re not wrong!
Every cloud can have a silver lining!

My DH is an only child and both his parents passed away, so no obligations on that side. I'm from a big family, lost my dad recently. My mother never loved or even liked me, I'm too much my dad's girl. The last years she has started to say she would like to see me dead and that she can't cope with me being around. My siblings dote on her and think I should do so too, just because she gave birth to me. After years of therapy I decided on self-defence, deleted myself from the family scene. My husband and I, with our son, daughter-in-law and grandson, and our daughter, son-in-law and their 2 children will spend the holidays together, abroad, and only come back after new-year. So no, I will not be in the kitchen, not hosting, but thoroughly enjoying my incredibly lovely family. Let me tell you I don't feel guilty át áll ❣️

No one should feel guilty about not hosting Christmas Dinner, I certainly don't. I did dinner for years until we moved to Devon but on the final year we took all 4 children, partners and GC to a restaurant. I'm 70 now and have no desire to cook a huge meal for lots of folk. Anyway we now have the perfect excuse we don't have room in our Dolls house sized bungalow 😊

In my childhood it was usually the young parents with children who were the hosts over Christmas and the elder generation of grandparents, great-aunts etc were invited either for Christmas Day or Boxing Day.

As far as I can see our generation has made a serious mistake in going on doing the big family Christmas for far too long.

The day comes when we have to stop. It can be a bitter realizaton, but it usually turns out well.

Enjoy your quiet day.

grandtanteJE65 I agree with you. My DD and DS (DS’ gf and DGD boxing day) are coming here (I’m widowed now) and we muck in together to produce the Xmas meal. Even though it’s a joint effort, I really don’t feel I have the energy for it.
It’s clearing my dining room table of artwork, music, decorating tree, decs and all that goes with it. After fifty years of massive turkeys, I’d like a break…

Years ago, my family - parents, my sibling and I (both single) decided that the way to avoid all of the "whose turn is it, do we have to ask so and so" was to go away. We found a nice self catering cottage not too far away but far enough that we had new places to explore if we wanted to go out. That became our tradition for several years until I got married - they carried on and I would have liked to but had dh's wishes to consider; so we started our own traditions.

We have hosted every major event in our family for almost 40 years including birthdays, easter and of course Christmas.
this year due to my being unable to get everyone in the same place at the same time we will not be doing christmas dinner, instead we all gathered at my grandsons house last night, exchanged gifts, sat around a fire pit in the back yard and had a really nice time. everyone brought a plate so no one had all the stress of cooking. Yes I felt a bit guilty at first but sometimes we just have to let go of long held traditions and go with the flow. In the end it didnt matter that it wasnt at our house and that it wasnt Christmas day.

I never had any criticism when I stopped hosting it. My parents and oldest sister always went to my other sites house. Never once did they come to our house at Christmas. When my girls were born and until they had homes and children of their own they came here once the girls had children the youngest daughter and her husband always invited me and still do. I live about 3 miles from then. My daughter in Glasgow doesn't invite me because it's too difficult to get there with no transport running on Christmas day. I very happy and grateful that I get to spend Christmas with my daughter, son in law and their teenage children.

Have a lovely time doing whatever
You want to do. Too many people feel guilty and end up trying to please everyone. This year for the first time ever I’m going out for Xmas lunch and really looking forward to it. I’m only 63 but I find all the shopping and cooking a bit much now and also love seeing everyone but all the noise and chaos is sometimes overwhelming. Wish everyone reading best wishes for Xmas and 2023 xxx

Guilt is an emotion that serves no purpose! I'm not saying that I don't feel it but I've learned to (mostly) turn the tables on the emotion.

You've done lots of hosting over the years and now is a good time to hand over the reins or do something different. Perhaps you could keep in mind that it's just one or two days out of 365? I find this puts the whole kit and caboodle into perspective! Embrace a new way of being.

Preparing food for a large get together takes a lot of time and energy - standing while doing so will likely exacerbate your knee difficulties. You will be seeing your family on Boxing Day and that's what's important. Take it easy the day before and enjoy a change of routine.

We're spending Christmas Day with our eldest son and family (DIL's French parents will be there too). Usually I'd volunteer to host Boxing Day but the house is in chaos (building work) and I really don't want to, having had lots of family stresses this year, despite Citalopram working it's magic. So I'm not.

I wish you a merry christmas and a happy healthy new year.

It seems that Christmas dinner has always been the task of one person and been stressful. My mother got fed up with always hosting sixteen relatives every year and insisting one year that we went away to a hotel.
For years my niece , now 75, has decided after twenty years of hosting twenty people that she is giving up.
It is only one day a year and too much is made of it.

What a super husband you have and so very sensible! You are totally daft to feel guilty. I think this is a Christmas you may well enjoy very much!!!

No guilt trips! I’ve never hosted Christmas, have no children or grandchildren and, now 64 and divorced for the last 5 years, enjoy going to one or other of my sisters’ for Christmas lunch and to spend the day with their families. I contribute food and drink and no one has ever passed judgement. I think too many people - women in particular - are made to feel guilty and do so. No need.

Sounds to me that you're overdue for a well-earned break. Please don't feel guilty. Let someone look after you for a change. I bet you will really enjoy a much more relaxed Christmas.

I am in awe of what you have achieved in the past and how you manage your life now.

Have a good Christmas and let others do the work now. It's time.

I remember when my mum handed over the Christmas lunch baton! She was only in her early 60s and just told me that she wasn’t doing it any more! So I do it still and I’m 70 next year. Elder son did Christmas lunch one year in his home because he had to work at Christmas so invited us all over. Anyway, I enjoy all the cooking still and just try and do as much in advance as possible.

I think you have done well to host Christmas for 40 years, so it’s time you gave yourself a break. Family don’t understand if for any reason someone wants to just be in their own home over Christmas day etc. enjoy the day

Many moons ago I posted on here asking how many people were doing exactly what they wanted for Christmas, and quite a lot were not, so please enjoy your time, and don't feel any guilt.

I too have guilt feelings this year…. I’ve hosted Christmas for 50 ( barring 1 Covid year) . I’ve been looking after a disabled husband for 25 years( stroke) while working 35 hours a week to keep our house going! Then I retired at 65 and my husband became ‘odd’ . It was obvious he was dementing. I carried on looking after him still and then he developed Alzheimer’s ….I had a second stroke last year and still carried on with husband….then this year after two years of absolute misery of living with this and 2 hours sleep per night I gave up…. threw in the towel…and my husband is now In full time care. I’m now poor ( they’ve taken his pensions) and am struggling physically so I told all that I’m not doing Xmas this year as I couldn’t face it without my husband , and also health deterioration. My family aren’t happy …, and the only person who seems to understand is my estranged son in law…so he’s invited me to his house where I’ll also get to see my grandkids . But most rellies just don’t get it! I’m 72 years old in poor health …missing my hubby …. and all I want is to rest! So why oh why do I feel guilty about not hosting Xmas for just this year!!

Don’t feel guilty! I wish I was having your Xmas 😄. I’ve got my daughters and their families and my sister who’s learning disabled. I envy you 🥴xx

@Saggi
You have NOTHING to feel guilty about!!. Sending you hugs and wishing you a peaceful and restful Christmas and New Year.

no guilt needed. There comes a time when the AC take on the role of the parent and they do the fetching and carrying, cooking and organising. My last big gathering was in 2016 and I was widowed and thoroughly exhausted by bedtime. I had done christmas for 40+ years by then and it was time to hand over the baton

My DDs started to take over, with alternate christmases each and I happily go to each and am thoroughly spoiled. I like peace and quiet and they ask if I would like to stay overnight but no need, I don`t drink and prefer my own bed and surroundings. So I drive home comfortable that they too will have their own family time

It is the best of both worlds but that turnaround needs to happen first, when they take over