Ludicrous round robins. Who can be the braggiest.

I have the biggest most wonderful Christmas tree, cut especially for me because I am such an important person. Melania has decorated it with baubles showing my handsome face on each, so the tree is even more wonderful, the most impressive and greatest tree in the world.

I won’t talk about the children because I know you’d rather hear all about me.

Love Donald

And that’s an order, everyone should love me.

I’ve really enjoyed reading these but LauraNorder your Dear Cousin Philippa made me need a quick dash to our newly installed solid gold toilet!
What else can I say about this year?
My DH has taken to feeding the hens that sit on our hearth. Our live-in housekeeper remonstrates with him constantly, reminding him that they are NOT REAL but it falls on deaf ears (he has abandoned is supersonic £1m hearing aids in favour of a sound bar for every one of our TV’s).
One DGC had a leading part in the Christmas performance. It had to be recorded due to COVID but we bought the video and proudly watched him leading the donkey across the stage!
Cousin Philippe and Xaveria have decided not to visit this year as their private jet is being converted to a luxury helicopter. Xaveria assured me that ‘one has to do what one can. Recycling is SOO the thing right now’.
Some parents are complaining that school fees are so ridiculous- but I sponsored so many bricks whilst my own children were there that my DC are entitled to automatic places. They look so cute in their blazers and boaters with coordinating masks.
Well, must go. I’m expecting my deliveries from Sainsbury’s, Ocado and M&S and the darling local farm shop. Our housekeeper was so thrilled to be offered delivery slots after staying up till the wee small hours, that she signed up with all three. Thank heavens the utility room holds 5 freezers!

I just put round robins straight in the recycling without reading them. The only one I have though is from someone I haven't seen since I was a child so I am not involved or really concerned about their life at all now. If I was, I would make the effort to see her. A couple of personalised sentences in the Christmas card is enough.

I can predict who will put the round robin in their Christmas cards and I don't even open them until I'm sitting down and have time to spare as these truly do provide reading material, but thankfully not of the boastful sort, just news of the year. And as I'm too busy to be in contact with these people who have genuinely been great friends in some part of my life, I'm happy to keep in touch that way. Myself, I don't do this. But I do know that there is great therapeutic value in reflecting upon your year in this way, and if you do count your achievements, then hopefully you are also counting them as blessings.

Thanks for this great thread - I needed a laugh. Here's wishing everyone no round robins this Christmas!

A lot of my friends had 4 or 5 children or in one case additional adoptees and fostered. It was bad enough when they were all children excelling in grade 8 piano and 10 A stars but now they are all adults I get the life story anyway without ever having met them

What a wondeful thread...best laughs I've had in many a month - thank you so much fellow GNetters - you've cheered up my Friday morning more than you can imagine!

I'm sorry to tell you that this will be the last Christmas card you will receive from us as we have taken the conscious decision to save the planet. I know you will be very sad at this news as you have often indicated how entertaining you find our news. We are all strictly vegan of course and I have spent lockdown providing mung bean hash for my elderly neighbours, unfortunately the drains in the street have been blocked and we can't understand why. We now collect our water in a barrel in the garden next to the hole in the ground toilet. We would love you to visit us and look forward to welcoming you post lockdown. Gerald could pick you up in his helicopter - essential for his job of course or I can send the chauffeur with the Bentley, essential for my job of course.

Greetings from my secret location.
I am so very sorry I cannot share with you my coordinates but we have been in hiding since this terrible outbreak happened.
As you know my husband George was working with the Chinese government on bio hazards and there seems to have been a mishap for which he is being blamed.....
It has rather put pay to the 6 month holiday I normally take on the yacht every year (it developed a fault and spontaneously blew up just before I arrived)
Farquar has had to change his name to something common (he chose Brandon ?) and the last I heard was wandering the desert in Baghdad, just to keep safe!
Clarrissa has taken to wearing a burka and married a lovely chap called Mohamed. Its really not what we wanted for her but it keeps her out of harms way in that cave.
Well toodle pip, here's hoping next year is better for us all x

I am laughing so much at reading this thread that I am beside myself.
Suffice to say that my DH and I have been invited to the Castle for lunch so may see some of you there.

My goodness what an imaginative lot you are. Something to cheer us all up at least.

It has been an exciting year, despite Covid. I have read 365 books, knitted 14 blankets, 11 sweaters, 73 pairs of socks, 81 woolly hat and scarf sets, 64 soft toys and a Christmas wreath. All donated to charity, of course. It goes without saying that I get my wool from Charles’ estate.

Outdoor expeditions have included 63 coffee mornings in the garden with neighbours and friends, exciting lone walks down local footpaths, hacking at the brambles and nettles, and receiving greetings from various masked strangers passing by my house.

My psychiatrist is very pleased with my progress, and I haven’t shoplifted any mince pies in the past week.

The family are all doing well, as usual. It’s a pity that all their accolades and awards have had to be received in the post, or the internet because of the Virus, but heigh-ho, next year’s may be presented in person.

I hope that you and your family are coping well with the lockdown. It’s quite fortunate that you have all had previous experience of close confinement, so staying at home won’t be difficult for you.
I’m looking forward to hearing your news, though I expect that you won’t have much of note to report.

I sent an honest one, one year. Don't get many back any more. It read: Been a good year, only two encounters with the Police and one of those was the Traffic section. The Speed Awareness Course was a fun day with tea and a biscuit. Our sons have done better - one arrested for mauling a 'friend' on a railway station and the other a drug possession charge. All in the middle of exams which resulted in lacklustre grades. Son's girlfriend found out that her father was our builder, other one got pregnant accidentally (all sorted now). No holidays, no famous friends, no money and no interesting days out to speak of. We are a happy middling family with professional careers and quite NORMAL

I’m honestly not boasting (as if I ever would, you know me!) but our house has been featured in Beautiful Homes for the second time. Our cosy little seaside 2nd home, only 5 bedrooms, was also featured in Coast magazine, but I promise that all the uniquely stylish features were either homemade by me or garnered from our daily early morning beach combing walks - after our usual 10k run and year-round swim in the sea, of course! I suppose I really can’t help being so artistic - no doubt inherited from a grandparent whose work was regularly exhibited at the Royal Academy.

Youngest grandchild, Tobias, 4, won a special prize at school for not only being able to read Winnie the Pooh in Latin, but also being able to translate it! I can’t think where he gets it from, dh must have been at least 6 before he could do that!

Elder grandchildren are now very proudly vegan - daughter Tansy has taught them from her own book, One Hundred Tasty Ways With Lentils - which has now gone into its 6th printing and made number one in the Sunday Times Bestseller list last week! There are talks of a TV series soon - I know I shouldn’t say it, but she really is even more glamorous than Nigella. Dh keeps saying it’s because she takes after her mother (blush) but I’m sure he’s just trying to be nice!

Unfortunately we won’t be able to spend the usual delightful Christmas at our ski lodge in the snowy French Alps this year, but the newly installed helicopter pad will come in useful for a certain VIP (I dare not say who - official secrets and all that!) who’s rented it for a month. All helps with the pennies, doesn’t it?
Anyway, all the best - so sorry to hear about your redundancy and your house being repossessed - chin up, things can only get better, nothing plenty of hard work can’t fix! That’s always been our family motto!
Merry Christmas from us all!

Due to lockdown this year we have struggled to keep appointments in our diaries but having the little plane parked up at the airport has been a boon for getting into town for the usual round of lunches and shopping. The little chopper is only used for short dashes to friends pool & barbecue parties and a sneaky dinner for fellow Etonians at a rather lovely Country House (often used by the royals as a getaway, ssssh!). DH is getting so bored with not being able to play golf on our course is Scotland but makes do with the clay pigeon range at the bottom of the meadow. Needless to say half the staff have buggered off back to their precious families and we are left abandoned to care for our own (adult) children, tend to our dishevelled estate and clean our own pool. Luckily the indoor one is still usable although the sauna packed up and it took massive bribes from DH to get an errant plumber flown in from Europe to get it fixed. Our son's Nanny has stayed with him thank god otherwise I don't know how they would have coped with the child. I have some solace in knowing that they are only at the bottom of the meadow in the Lodge and I could see them if I looked out of the West window, but I don't get up there that often as the lift is broken and all those stairs! What a nightmare! The wine is still flowing (or rather flying in from Gers) so all hope is not lost! Hopefully soon my dear friends we shall all be back together again at Finty's little villa in Cannes very soon. THIS IS ALL TRUE although put together from assorted acquaintances' emails and missives during lockdown. I KID YOU NOT! It's not that I move in elevated circles but have some well connected friends, ha ha!

We got this one year from 'friends.' X is trying to decide whether Oxford or Cambridge will be better for her. The following year's round robin said that X has chosen to go to Exeter!

I have just been accepted as a passenger on the first Space X mission........I have donated my body to cryogenics ..........but before that, I climbed Everest in my bathing cozzy .....fought with a polar bear in Antarctica and had to drive my own boat back to Ushaia .........and I survived on a piece of bread and water from the ocean ....even managed to catch a whale but had to throw it back as I couldn't eat the poor thing .....other than that, its been quite a quiet year .........might run for US president when Biden goes ...still working on my manifesto ....have a good new year everybody

As you know I live in the most beautiful house in the village - Grade II listed, don't forget. So very tasteful. The garden was designed by a chap on the telly, forget his name, you should see his topiary.

I host such lovely parties so I simply must have three Christmas trees - one by the front door, one in the large hallway and the biggest and best in the sitting room.

One of the rooms is given over to a library where I display my extensive knowledge - so well read, hadn't you noticed? Young Tarquin passed his final exams with flying colours and has taken up a fab job offer in New York - but I mustn't boast or you'll think me vulgar.

Meanwhile Jemima is a 'big cheese' in diplomacy on the continent. She has her own team as she speaks several languages fluently. So good of her to pass on last seasons designer gear to me so I'm the best dressed gardener on the allotment. But little me - a show-off? Perish the thought.

You're most welcome to stay in my little pile sometime when you're in the country. The guest cabin in the woods is very secluded if you want to get away from it all and so comfy. Well, toodle pip, chums.

Serious observation - I really don’t mind being told about children’s achievements, and if they have Grade 8 piano and at least ten A*s so much the better! I expect to be told.

"Laughter is the best medicine" and we certainly got that today! What a very talented lot you are.

The trouble is, we used to get very similar letters each year from a friend who was clearly the inspiration for Hyacinth Bucket and who did her best to impress everyone with what she saw as her superior status. We always enjoyed reading them but not for the reason she would have wished!

Someone mentioned Simon Hoggart. I have two of his books about Round Robins, titles "The cat that could open the fridge"and "The hamster that loved Puccini" long out of print but you might find them in a charity shop so worth looking.

Nanananana1

Lovebeigecardigan, how lucky you are to have seen his topiary in person.

All you lovely, funny people, thanks and please keep them coming.

Its been a tricky year for the Fforri-Smyths, Sadly my eldest daughter’s wedding to the crown Prince did not go off as well as we had hoped! the gardeners managed to chop the heads off the topiary swans in our rose garden where we were holding the reception, quelle disaster? The celebrant turned up sadly inebriated, and the youngest of the twelve bridesmaids was sick on the antique lace train on my daughter’s wedding dress. However we have managed a decent listing in who's who (finally) and my daughter was happy with the spread that Horse and Hound did on her.
My second daughter has recently been awarded the fellowship of an Oxford college; we are naturally thrilled, but hope that she continues to find time to work on her second book which you may spot in the history section of Waterstones. If you chance to be in town do have a look.
My darling husband was pipped at the post for leadership of the party again this year??‍♀️ but took conciliation in the OBE which he was awarded in the new years honours list, not the knighthood we were hoping for but never mind??‍♀️
We have sadly had less holidays this year due to pressure of work at my chambers, but managed a month in Hawaii and 2 weeks skiing in January as consolation.
Our lovely villa in Tuscany has been hit by freak winds and we lost the roof of the pool house! Unfortunately our maid was away at time so we were only alerted to it when a neighbour rang to say our pool chairs were in his olive grove! I cant tell you how upset we were as his groves dont even produce the best quality oil!
Hope that all is well and little Johnnie’s ASBO wasn't too onerous after all. Did Jane get the suspended sentence she was hoping for?
Seasons greetings the Fforri-Smyth family

Am sitting here chortling with tears running down my face at some of these, especially Dolphindaisy and Green Grange 78. Thanks for bringing laughter to a dull day.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.