How do I opt out ?

It is said that joy comes more from giving than receiving. Therefore receiving a Christmas present should not mean you have to return the favor. You can be very gracious in accepting the gift with an especially nice card, or perhaps something home baked.

I feel that gifts that are given out of a sense of duty, are really no gifts at all. I really do not need or want gifts to make Christmas joyful.

A few years ago I popped a note in with each gift saying this was to be the last gift as I would be donating to charity in future. I did ask that they not buy me anything but if they did want to do something they could make a small donation to their favourite charity instead. The response was overwhelmingly positive and consequently many local and national charities have benfited.

Suggest putting a cap on how much each present will cost, after all it is a gift to be enjoyed but not expected. My group of friends all agreed to stop buying, we used to write a list with a maximum of £20, put it into a hat and we each picked one and then purchased an item on the list. As the family grew with grandchildren and circumstances changed for some we all agreed to stop. A long friendship is present enough, almost 50 years now.

We also stopped buying for the adults decades ago. Our son used to get money because it was simply more practical. These days we chip in when unexpected expenses occur in their household and assign those to Christmas and Birthday presents. Our grand daughter will, of course, get Christmas presents, but her very wise mum says that she is to receive ONLY ONE THING, either something she actually needs, something to read or something to wear. That's it.
Christmas has become such a materialistic event that even for the believers it has become a little obscene.
Rejoice in being together, knit a pair of gloves, paint a picture, make a piece of jewelry or a wooden toy... those are more personal and significant.

For the first time this year we are doing a Secret Santa, to help one daughter save, the other two don’t seem to welcome it though. We will see how it works out as to whether it will be continued next year.

Two people have said to me this year, “shall we just give it a miss this year?”. Was I offended? Nope. We stopped giving to our large extended family years ago but if we see them through the year we usually give something to the children. It’s all very relaxed and I can concentrate on my immediate family without all the stress of buying for people I don’t really know. Or even, sshh, like very much! We give a few ideas to our children and vice versa so we all end up with something we like!!

I saw in a tv programme, a throw away conversation, that the family gave a £10 Max Secret Santa present to each other. He said it was the best thing ever as the enjoyment of searching for a favourite second hand book or something a bit special that the recipient might like actually made shopping more exciting and not over stretching the budget. I’m going to suggest it next year. Some may like it others well......!

I totally agree with J52. I enjoy getting presents for people regardless of value as I do believe it's the thought that counts. I buy all year and this year I've also made some gifts for people. Hopefully they will enjoy what I get them as it's usually a mixture of various small things. I also enjoy the wrapping and decorate the bags etc. I've been making Christmas cards and tags too. I do not see the point in giving money or vouchers, too impersonal- the true meaning of Christmas has gone anyway as it's too commercialised (Christmas cards in shops on my birthday 31 AUGUST!! crazy.) I was brought up to appreciate anything I was given if people are good enough to get me something.

There is a multi-store gift card you can buy ( from the Post Office I think) which has numerous stores listed. I was given one a few years ago ( I am very difficult to buy for!) it was great!

We buy for the children (only 2 of them left), & for our 3 children we make up a box of goodies, that apart we gift my husband's sisters and choose 2 charities to gift to. Money is tight so nothing is high value.

It isn't difficult to establish the 18 cut off rule if established with family members when they are old enough to understand. It is never possible to catch up with older ones. We soften the blow by including them in a family present which, because of postage costs, comes down to a voucher for a store like M&S/Tesco etc. In our family that is fixed at £10 per family regardless of the numbers in it. Buys a bottle of wine or box of biscuits. No-one is offended and everyone is included. It is just done at Christmas. No birthdays after 18 except for 21. When they reach 18 I include a little note explaining why they are now on the adult list. They all still speak to me. I don't look for a present back from the children, although they usually arrange something.

We got fed up with receiving tins of biscuits/sweets etc that we didn’t want...and with racking our brains over what to buy for a cast of thousands relatives. We told everyone we had decided not to buy gifts and that from now on we would be making a donation to our favourite charity instead. We asked those who normally buy for us not to but to make a donation to a third world/homeless/food bank charity instead. Everyone was happy with that.

Our children - 4 of them, all married, so 8 people - have always done Secret Santa and this year we have joined in with them so that everyone gets one good present that they have asked for. We still buy for the grandchildren and they will give us artwork and photos I'm sure, but it seems so much easier and I am so relieved not to have to buy so many presents. The Secret Santa website we used is Elfster which seems to work really well - you just put in everyone's email addresses and it does the rest.

Martin Lewis from ‘money-saving expert’ has a campaign every Christmas to stop unnecessary and unwanted gifts, or pointless giving. Look up the phrases he uses. Brilliant. But it’s almost a taboo subject.

My husband’s children aged 43 upwards always ask whether we would like their lists! Aren’t they a little old for Santa? We are over 70 when can we stop this madness.

I totally agree. I am wondering at which generation should we stop buying. We have always bought for nieces and nephews but now they are older and have families of their own, should we be buying for great nieces and nephews? We rarely receive a thank you and have been sending money up until now, but like everyone else, we are counting the cost of Covid and I feel that now should be the time to bow out of the presents, but there would undoubtably be a backlash.

I’ve stopped too. I give a donation to Salvation Army so they can feed some homeless people. Everyone understands

I feel the same.
I do usually buy presents for my grandchildren though this year their Mummy is taking them out to choose themselves some clothes and other presents from me.
However I buy usually things for my children when they need them during the year, typically bigger combined presents for both Christmas and Bithday. For example my daughter had a mattress earlier this year and my DIL had a leather jacket.
I've just had a message from my DIL saying that our present will be delivered soon. Its very generous of them and I'm sure we'll love it, but we really don't need a present. I'd much rather they spent the money on themselves and the children.
My DH and I don't buy much for each other. We may go out for a lovely meal and sometimes I'll get him a book that I know he'll like or he'll give me some glace fruit.
My sister and I have agreed not to exchange presents this year and we give each other's children money. We no longer give presents to people outside the family.

We have 4 little ones and 6 adults so what we have done for the past few years is just for the 6 adults we all draw a name out of the hat and we buy a present to the value of 50.00 for that person. We can suggest things we want and get something if a good value. Sometimes the couple go together and get. Bigger item for 100.00

We all love it. No more struggling in what to buy, a lot less hassle and no more loads of wrapping up Christmas presents. All our efforts are put into the little one.

Only drawback is we wish we had done it years ago

I have always been generous with my family. My mantra has always been 'you can't take it with you.' Christmas gift has always been money plus a small something to unwrap. In return I ask them for something practical for myself.

I just buy for my son’s family and a little gift for mum ( aged 89 with mild dementia) I simply would not be able to buy for rest of family - I have 2 sisters and 2 brothers together with all their children and grandchildren and we all agreed this many years ago & it works out fine for us all.

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Hi... just wanted to say that I stopped all Christmas presents a few years ago... easier for me as all my family members over 18 & just explained to friends that I was intending to give all the money I would have spent on them to several charities.... which they're fine with...I love sending cards though....and always buy presents for birthdays... Christmas presents just felt like too much overindulgence every year, too stressful as well trying to imagine what other people might like...I get more satisfaction giving to charities,...I do give & receive the odd pressie during the year as the moment seems right so that's fun...I do have a far more relaxing time at Christmas though...all the very best and good luck whatever you decide to do for next year..

My list was also getting longer and longer and, to be honest, I was often uncertain about the success rate of them liking the presents. Money wasted. Sooooo a few years ago I suggested that each family bought for themselves or we did the invisible friend idea, and my present would be Christmas open house from 24-26!!! It went down very well. Everybody gets a present from somebody. Also someting they wanted because you can put a wish list in the friends/family WhatsApp group.

Maybe think of a small thing such as a small electric torch, or a tube of hand cream, that would be fairly useful to everyone.

If you can get out of the present-giving rat race you will be doing everyone a favour.

You can give prezzies throughout the year when you think the recipient would actually benefit.