Adult children and worrying

I worry constantly about my two daughters aged 49 and 50 and now I worry about the grandchildren and great grandchildren. It never ends

I'm not too worried about my two sons - happily married with children . But I do worry about my happily single daughter , who goes off to India every year for a holiday in July . She's done this for about ten years and loves it . Having been to India myself , I can understand the attraction - but worry about the traffic , the heat , the monsoon and illness .
However, she's been fine so far and does keep in daily contact . But every July I have this concern 😟

I am so sorry about those going through sad and difficult times x
My children have all had sad and testing times. My eldest has lived with me for several years, she has always struggled and was recently diagnosed with ADHD.
She also recently lost her fiancé, suddenly. She's being incredibly brave but it's horrible to see your DC going through that.

I constantly worry about both my daughters one 38 ,divorced and in debt...and one 35 tmw been with her fiance 10 years but she is now not sure and she has a 13 yr old stepson and their daughter is 4 autistic,non verbal with learning disabilities..awful strain on them and I worry about all of them. I feel your anguish...Sending hugs...🥰🥰

Fallingstar

I worry about my two DDs, SiLs, GCs, and a lot about my DS in Australia who hardly ever calls and hasn’t visited for years, we used to go there but because of my DH’s disabilities we can no longer make the journey. He hardly ever contacts his sisters either.

Aww I was sad to read this .

Fallingstar

I worry about my two DDs, SiLs, GCs, and a lot about my DS in Australia who hardly ever calls and hasn’t visited for years, we used to go there but because of my DH’s disabilities we can no longer make the journey. He hardly ever contacts his sisters either.

Fallingstar - please go! Easy to say I know and am well aware of the huge hurdles. My sister and her adult son were in a similar situation (not same country but almost the same distance as yours). She will always regret not going. I hesitate to say that to you but I'd wish I had urged her - wish I'd gone myself. Take one of your DDs if you can. Someone can look after your DH for two weeks.

My middle son has just been made redundant, also homeless so a double whammy. Luckily he has got another job, but he homeless due the landlord selling up. He is coming back home so he can save for a deposit for a flat, it will be a big change for all of us, but yes even adult children are always a worry, and life throws curve balls and we can just try to support them as much as we can.

I don’t worry about my four adult children and I love them to death my world as is my husband

I must remember what your mother said. It will help a lot in the future

Thinking of you, SueDonim and Old Fossil. My DD lost her (good, loving and responsible) husband to cancer 2 years ago. He had been seriously ill for several years and she had to stop work to become a 24 hour carer for the last few months of his life.

My GC was still at primary school when SIL died. GC has no siblings as parents turned out to have fertility problems; and of course when the illness became terminal there were other priorities.

I was being treated for cancer myself during the last few months of my SIL's life; lived at a distance and could be of little help at that time. As I am still here,this last I hope will change in the near future.

Worrying on its own never makes any difference. Talking things through can help.Learning to manage anxiety can, too. So can counselling from empathetic professionals. And practical and emotional support from friends, family and neighbours is without price.

I mention especially the wonderful staff at the hospice, who ensured the little family had contact with another going through the same thing. The school who assigned a teacher to give an hour of her time ( 1-1) to my GC every week for months so feelings could safely be expressed in private. And my DS - who has no children of his own and who also lives at a distance- but who made sure he was there for his sister and travelled to be with her and GC at the last. And who took several days off work to be there when GC started secondary school six months later.

Don't be afraid to ask for what you need - reassurance, advice, information- whatever. Most people in my experience are glad to help if they can.

NEVER!

Nope.

I think you are always only as happy as your unhappiest child . There always seems to be something to worry about. DD1 went through divorce and ex SIL is still being the lazy idiot he’s always been. DD2 has thankfully moved departments in work and is much happier but was bullied for ages by her boss before she could change . Both things were unpleasant and caused me a lot of worry.

We now live in a house altogether with the 2 teenage grandchildren which is lovely because I’m such a big part of their lives but if you’re together day to day there’s always scope for worry but also for doing nice things

Sending thoughts and hugs in support of Suedonim, Oldfossil & anyone else in this harrowing situation

I worry about my two daughters all the time, and my two grandchildren. My eldest daughter, husband and two children are going on holiday on Sunday and I won't be able to relax until I know their flight has landed safely. Same goes for their return journey. I worry about what the future holds for my grandchildren, as this world is turning into a more and more dangerous place. I worry about my youngest daughter who has asthma. Same goes for her and her partner with travelling. They recently went to Costa Rica for a wedding and I was glad when they got back. Wasn't sure how safe a country it was. My eldest daughter has Ehlers Danlos syndrome, which has only recently been discovered, although she's had the symptoms for years, so she has various health problems because of that. I have always been a terrible worrier, and it has been made worse by losing my precious son in 1980 aged 6. I won't stop worrying until I'm in my grave. I have constant anxiety. My 12 year old beautiful kind granddaughter was bullied and ganged up on at junior school, and I was glad when she started secondary school last year, but she was only there a few weeks when she was bullied again. Some nasty brat calling her trash and throwing her stuff on the floor. Now she has some boys who are calling her dumb and laughing at her, although she is very bright, and one of the bullies really is dim and bullied too, but he and the other bullies join in together to bully her. It seems never ending, the constant worries. I often wonder if I will wake up in the morning, but think at least I won't have to worry any more if I don't. Drives me crazy. I already suffer from anxiety and depression. Think maybe if I had a partner it would be easier, but been on my own for years. Sorry for the rant!

Both our lovely girls are going through divorce, one amicably and one not so much. I really try not to worry because I can’t change anything. At least they are very close and have each other, and the four grandchildren involved seem to be coping. It could be worse and I’m actually quite proud of the difficult decisions they have made.

SueDonim

Retread and Oldfossil, and anyone else affected, it’s a club no one wants to join, isn’t it? 😢

Thank you, and yes, the club we never wanted to join.

I don't worry about them...like FGT's mum...we are a safety net only. They are adults and fully capable of making their own decisions and mistakes and living with the consequences of them, just like we were/are. I don't agree with all they do but it is their lives, not mine. My daughter has MS...why worry, what can worrying do? She copes and does well enough and we are here to help when needed.

I've 2 adult kids, one living abroad (only mainland Europe, thankfully). Only one grandchild, who lives near me in the UK. Both of my offspring are better educated than me, and in a much better place financially, and I am very thankful for that. I do worry about them, of course, but I do feel I did my very best to bring them up well in order to equip them for life, which we all know can be very tough. It is a great consolation that they are now sensible adults, and it appears my efforts have paid off.

SueDonim, love , hugs and all best wishes to you 💐

Retread and Oldfossil, and anyone else affected, it’s a club no one wants to join, isn’t it? 😢

I don't think I have or will ever stop worrying about my 3 girls. They are all grown up with families of their own and I worry about them too. I cant always do anything about most of the things that go wrong. It doesn't stop me worrying though. I have sleepless nights about some of it. Just when you think they are all doing OK something always crops up. I also sometimes feel guilty about when I am doing well. Its not logical but it's normal.

Oldfossil

SueDonim
I’m living that nightmare too. My DC isn’t doing so well. As DC is mid 40’s with 4 small children there is a shedload of stuff to worry about. Some of the DGC ( 5,7,9,11) are clearly distressed - acting out in school etc. The school is supportive, I must stress. Anticipatory grief robs us of joy in life, so I try to focus on enjoying nice times as much as possible, keeping myself busy and distracted. But it’s hard.

Anticipatory grief is just awful. I'm thinking of you Oldfossil, and sending love.

We always worry but there's worrying, and maybe being able to help, and WORRYING. The latter is pointless and sometimes having faith that they will, and are able to live their own lives, is the better way. Resilience is a muscle that has to be exercised even if painful.

SueDonim
I’m living that nightmare too. My DC isn’t doing so well. As DC is mid 40’s with 4 small children there is a shedload of stuff to worry about. Some of the DGC ( 5,7,9,11) are clearly distressed - acting out in school etc. The school is supportive, I must stress. Anticipatory grief robs us of joy in life, so I try to focus on enjoying nice times as much as possible, keeping myself busy and distracted. But it’s hard.