Are you a Giver or a Taker?

We start of as takers, babies, to survive.
We learn to give back as we become independent.
We go back to being takers as we 'vintage'.
How much, and how often, varies as shown upthread.

Neither I'm a member of human society and my relationships are in constant flow according to the situation.

I know of a lady who prides herself in feeding people, nurturing with her food and entertaining on a lavish scale. She is our generation. Recently, she had a birthday, just ended up her husband and her. Where were all the 'friends' and 'rellies' she entertained? Nowhere to be seen. Tells a story we can all heed.

I must admit, I am not very good at asking for help. I pride myself on being independent, a can-do person. There's a sort of privacy to trying to stand alone too, so I'm not very good at sharing troubles or needs but I think quite good at propping up others, being there, aiding if I can.
I am always overwhelmed by kind people who brighten my life with their generosity or help.
I am always happy to help others if I am able to....

I’m definitely a giver, sometimes to the extent that people expect it all the time and if one time I don’t step up I’m looked at as if I’m a bad person.

Giver
I find it very difficult to accept help

I hate feeling that I am being a nuisance to anyone, even my family. So I almost died in January because of this.
I remember posting afterwards that we must learn to ask for help before it's too late.
I still want to be a giver, but I seem to have reluctantly become a taker.

I think that there is a difference between being a taker and being a gracious receiver.
A taker imo is someone who expects to be given everything both physically and emotionally but never thinks of others, wouldn’t think to give back in any way.
I imagine that most decent human beings are givers who like to help where it’s needed, who give support to others without question and have a sense of justice, loyalty and love.
Most of us find it harder to receive but do try to do so graciously. Perhaps our reluctance to receive stems from our need to feel capable and independent both of which are questioned when we are given help.
Even our reaction to compliments can be strange. We often become self deprecating when praised. Is that a British thing, a female thing or just a thing?

henetha I am in your club of 'reluctant taker' now too, due to health issues. Lack of safe mobility and other health issues have me asking for help with certain chores on certain days, which (luckily for me) my DH is happy to oblige. AC's not so much, as they don't live nearby/have small children. I do have friends who help me and I, in turn, help them in ways that I can. I am happy to give financial help to those who are close to me and struggling, and love to surprise people I love with surprises/gifts/outings/something I've made for them, use of my experience and so on.
So my giving/taking can change with the wind.

I wonder what Allira’s take on this question would be. Please bring her back.

I feel I'm a giver at heart level as have always liked to help, since a young child really & offer services, it's not to feel good it's just my nature -
However as 'old' I now hate my feelings on this, if a friend asks for lifts (sometimes over 2o miles) I struggle with the no offer of help towards petrol on a practical level
I get it that she has never run a car, but am I being mean or harsh. ( I'm not well off). It just feels awkward now I know I would struggle asking for petrol contribution but needs must. Principle thing I guess m( she pays for another ladies meals if she drives her & she actually lives next door to her
Feel petty any thoughts welcome pls x

Ps
Sorry don't mean to gate crash thread. Realised I'm last

Nor me! I feel mean after wards lol

I generally get pleasure from giving and have always been a willing giver. Maybe too much though as I struggle to be a taker like the times I've walked miles to get home after meeting up with friends rather than ask for a lift.

Polly 7. These days I don't think it's unreasonable to expect an offer from your friend to cover your petrol. Like you said, I don't think non drivers are aware of the cost of running a car but if she's happily reimbursing her neighbour then isn't she taking the Michael with you?

Allira was always a giver. The taker should be ashamed.

Polly you aren’t last now.

Whenever we give we feel good about ourselves so those who take do give something back. As long as it’s a two way street.

I am a cynic. I think all of us, whatever we say, are givers and takers, there are some that are either one or the other, but not many.

But seeing yourself as a giver is a comfort, but some people would get a shock if they realised what other people consider them to be. Giving can be a form of oppression for the recipient.

M0nica

I am a cynic. I think all of us, whatever we say, are givers and takers, there are some that are either one or the other, but not many.

But seeing yourself as a giver is a comfort, but some people would get a shock if they realised what other people consider them to be. Giving can be a form of oppression for the recipient.

How true! Monica

Well as I’ve had my birthday this week and the only cards I received were from family bar two, I know what I am due to how many I send.

Agree I'm a giver too!

I am a giver. Love buying gifts, making cakes and preserves to give away . I always worry about what people spend on me for gifts especially my daughter and family. Plus when we go o
ut unless its her birthday she never let's me pay . Years ago before we got out of the car she said mother you know you are in trouble if its mother none of I'll pay nonsense. So I have let her have her way.

I give my time and experience what ever is needed. I am no goody two shoes nor a Christian but an atheist. But I like to help people . My daughter says I have one of those faces and when I say hello to people it can turn into a conversation and they tell me things happening in their lives. If I have experienced the same thing I share but if I haven't experienced what they are going through I listen and even hugged strangers women and men of all ages if they wanted one .

Just wondering if anyone would actually admit to being a taker. In my experience most people wouldn’t do that and wouldn’t even recognise themselves as takers. The bigger the taker, the less likely they are to admit it. We mostly have all come across those who take take take but they lose their friends over time and end up very isolated. I knew one such woman and in the early days went out of my way to assist her and eventually stopped seeing her. Lo and behold she turned up many years later as one of our social work clients looking for food parcels and cash etc but I actually knew she was reasonably wealthy. Still gave her help, though. The mind is a funny thing.

I have decided I am a taker. No particular reason except that there really are too many givers on this thread. i will take anything anyone offers me and then find a way of passing it on to a charity shop or selling it at a boot fair.

Well said, Monica What a thoroughly miserable world it would be if all the givers were surrounded by reluctant takers. It would suck the joy out of life.