Being Scared Of Youths In Supermarkets?

We have problems at our Morrisons and Tesco youths and girls creating a distraction to enable theiving. Unless police are present there is little that can be done. They know they can get away with it, after school is worst

The only way is to ban under 18s unless supervised

NotSpaghetti

I wonder if you had spoken to them (say) "excuse me lads" and just walked past if they would have moved aside?

NOT excusing them - but speaking to people (especially with a smile) generally yields a more positive response I find.

Agree totally with this

Yes, as others have said, you should inform the manager. It may be that staff, as well as customers, feel intimidated by this sort of behaviour.
Ask exactly what the manager is going to do about it. If you get a shrug, say that in thst case, you will inform the police and Sainsbury's head office.
If you do nothing, you are in effect condoning the bad behaviour.
And by the way, as a fairly senior ex- secondary teacher, I find that, with young teenagers, a sharp but slightly humorous "Calm it, lads!" will often elicit "Sorry, miss".

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

AuntieE

These youngsters were behaving badly, and got away w ith doing so because no-one felt brave enough either to tell them off, or to ask to speak to the shop's manager, or to ring the police.

As I see it, none of us have a duty to put ourselves at risk, so I quite understand why no-one either reproved the younsters or complained audibly about their behaviour.

But if we want this kind of behaviour not to continue, we do have a duty to report it, first to the store manger, then to the chain's headquarters and to get in touch with the local authorities and the press.

The police cannot well do anything , unless they are called and manage to get to the store while the incident is taking place, but they should still be informed ,as the crime prevention squad needs to be aware of what is going on.

We had a similar incident years ago in the shops we used, and as it was very obvious from the languages spoken and the boys' names that they belonged to the Muslim community, my husband went along to the mosque the following day and had a pleasant and useful conversation with the Imam who had not known of the problem, but certainly took steps to ensure that it did not continue.

So, identifying which community a group belongs to is not necessarily racist, but can be a way of stopping the rot.

Would your husband gave gone to the local church to speak to the vicar/priest, if they'd been white?

How horrible for you. Definitely get in touch with the manager. It's hard, but try not to let it make you scared to go out.

I am very cautious when out and about now. Not long ago I was punched in the back by a drunk who was chasing another drunk in the city centre. I was walking into TK Maxx with my daughter when I felt the thump in L2. I knew it was L2 because I broke that vertebra in a fall some years back.

These idiots weren't youngsters, they were older dishevelled looking drunks having "fun"

NotSpaghetti

I wonder if you had spoken to them (say) "excuse me lads" and just walked past if they would have moved aside?

NOT excusing them - but speaking to people (especially with a smile) generally yields a more positive response I find.

This is what I would have done, just an "excuse me lads" can I get to....! I refuse to let the younger generation .ake me feel afraid. My DD once told me off for asking a 20 something chap to pick up his litter and put it in the bin close by. He just looked at me
and said "ok love" and laughed. Not all are going to respond positively and yes I would have let the store know but I'd not be scared to go back in.

These youngsters were behaving badly, and got away w ith doing so because no-one felt brave enough either to tell them off, or to ask to speak to the shop's manager, or to ring the police.

As I see it, none of us have a duty to put ourselves at risk, so I quite understand why no-one either reproved the younsters or complained audibly about their behaviour.

But if we want this kind of behaviour not to continue, we do have a duty to report it, first to the store manger, then to the chain's headquarters and to get in touch with the local authorities and the press.

The police cannot well do anything , unless they are called and manage to get to the store while the incident is taking place, but they should still be informed ,as the crime prevention squad needs to be aware of what is going on.

We had a similar incident years ago in the shops we used, and as it was very obvious from the languages spoken and the boys' names that they belonged to the Muslim community, my husband went along to the mosque the following day and had a pleasant and useful conversation with the Imam who had not known of the problem, but certainly took steps to ensure that it did not continue.

So, identifying which community a group belongs to is not necessarily racist, but can be a way of stopping the rot.

Ou4 Sainsbury’s in Deal has a security guard.

Macaydia..you can't do that anymore,they don't care,the type of youths who do this aren't bothered about respecting their elders.My family had a horrible incident with a group of youths,the ringleader,known to the police was 14,my daughter was trying to prevent the group from following us ,this 14 yr old punched her in the face,it was all captured on CCTV but because my daughter walked up to him the police said it looked like he was defending himself, she's 43,she was asking him,not shouting to leave us alone,there's no fear of reprisals

There were only eight or nine of them, no different to the strapping sixth-form teenagers (so no uniform) that gather at the supermarket here buying snacks at the end of the school day. Why on earth would boys of this age cat call an elderly woman? They wouldn’t do it to their nan, surely? If they are causing an obstruction just make a path through or around.

I agree with NotSpaghetti and others. Stop assuming groups of lads are hostile. They may appear full of bluster but that’s just the human species of any age in a group - no different to any group of blokes having a pint ... or indeed women ... or pensioners - read on.

Reka’s right. It’s about perception and communication. Ask the lads to reach for something on a high shelf for you or for a Lynx recommendation for a grandson. If teenage boys know anything, they know how to asphyxiate a room full of people with the smell of assorted body sprays. And don't be surprised if they laugh and push at one another. Its just a nervous reaction and what youngsters do.

Intimidation is often in the mind. Teachers work with teenage boys and girls every day and they manage for the most part. I’m not saying they are always easy but they are just people.

As a schoolgirl, I remember how we used to feel aggrieved by the large groups of female pensioners who used to leave the bingo hall at the same time as we left school. They would push their way to the front of the bus queue in front of us because they thought they had priority over children - which of course they didn’t. That’s not how queuing for the bus works. If we remonstrated politely we were told not to talk to our elders in that manner. It cuts both ways. It’s just how people are en masse.

I know we used to "hang out" in loud groups when I was a teen - especially when on holiday. I expect we were intimidating too at that point.

I think all groups can be threatening on first sight...

Sorry to read that you have had such a scare.
Hope that if you make a complaint, you will get some resolution.

NotSpaghetti

I wonder if you had spoken to them (say) "excuse me lads" and just walked past if they would have moved aside?

NOT excusing them - but speaking to people (especially with a smile) generally yields a more positive response I find.

I was delivering leaflets around our town, the business area one evening.
When I went into the small covered shopping area there was me and a group of young people. I hesitated then I put on my big girl knickers and spoke to them. They helped me deliver the leaflets.

NotSpaghetti

I wonder if you had spoken to them (say) "excuse me lads" and just walked past if they would have moved aside?

NOT excusing them - but speaking to people (especially with a smile) generally yields a more positive response I find.

Absolutely this. If in doubt, I smile. Usually works for me, almost invariably people smile back and step aside.

I'm so sorry you had such an experience with those freaks.

Sadly, in this day and age, security and shop staff are no longer allowed to tell them to get out, just in case they're ''delicate'', have some sort of ''mental or physical illness, " or are ''snowflakes or woke''. Or they scream they ''don't like being told off!''

Numpties, the lot of them idiots!

Long gone are the days when security could physically grab such morons and toss them out!

Some time ago I used to have to battle my way through a group of youths that would hang around by the station. I would guess they were 16-18 years old. Ish.

One day I realised I didn't have my lighter with me. Shocking admission about smoking. So I just glanced over and asked if they had a light.

Three or four of them all looking for lighters. Offered me one. Perfectly polite. Rather sweet really.

I'm not suggesting that all gangs of teens are delights, just that in my case they just looked threatening. Perception.

Oh, I'd best mention they were white.

Macaydia

Cat call to elderly? Laugh in their face and put them in their place. They are only children

They are only children
Teenagers can be huge! and intimidating and some carry knives. I would not be laughing in their faces.

twaddle

I would speak to the manager. The store does have the right to refuse customers. If some customers are intimidating others, the manager needs to warn them and, if necessary, ban them from entering the store. If the manager chooses not to take action, you need to take your custom elsewhere. Depending on how threatening they were, it could be a police matter.

I agree with what twaddle says.
The manager should be told about this and staff can look out for them in future.

Cat call to elderly? Laugh in their face and put them in their place. They are only children

I am sorry that this happened to you .
Don't allow it to intimidate you.

I find teenagers actually very pleasant and polite towards me.
I'm smiley and friendly. I also talk to them a lot.
A group of six yelled out God Bless to me yesterday and were genuinely happy to encounter me.

But in one week - I had two lots of verbal racial abuse yelled at me .
The perpetrators were in her twenties and the other in her fifties .
The last one was extremely unpleasant.
If she'd persisted I would have alerted the cafe manager .
Perhaps you could contact the supermarket manager .
I hope that it doesn't happen again .

NotSpaghetti

I wonder if you had spoken to them (say) "excuse me lads" and just walked past if they would have moved aside?

NOT excusing them - but speaking to people (especially with a smile) generally yields a more positive response I find.

I do agree but I can absolutely see why she didn’t, once you feel intimidated it’s hard to do this.

I probably would have said very loudly “excuse me” and simply walked past, because this was a very public place, but I understand why others would want to feel they just wanted to get away as soon as possible.

I wonder if you had spoken to them (say) "excuse me lads" and just walked past if they would have moved aside?

NOT excusing them - but speaking to people (especially with a smile) generally yields a more positive response I find.

I dare say the staff are not allowed to approach or say anything, for fear of being punched or stabbed.

During the height of Covid restrictions I saw a group of at least 6 youths in a supermarket, talking and laughing extremely loudly all round the shop (obviously no masks).

I said something to one of the staff, who just shrugged and said they weren’t allowed to do or say anything.

It’s not nice for anyone to feel intimidated whilst out in their own community , especially us older people.

They should be reported and monitored.

Please don’t let this horrible situation stop you going out when and where you need to be.

But please don’t use it as an excuse to single out a single cohort of people, it’s utterly irrelevant what nationality or faith or colour these youths are, they are behaving badly and need to be brought to account for this.

As for their language, sadly bad language appears to be the culture of many youths, I sometimes cringe when I hear the way my younger children, in their 20’s speak to each other and their friends, but have to say, they do not speak to me or their father this way nor would they ever have dreamt of doing this in front of my dear Mother, nor do they speak this way at work, it’s all just a bit “meaningless”, it seems and I tend to ignore it.

They don’t do it when out with us, nor in front of their 11 year old nephew 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️