Retirement is it what you thought it would be?

Primrose53 💐

Sallywally1 I love being retired! It’s been a revelation as I was anxious and ‘I was never going to retire 😂’? Worked until 69, toxic NHS culture so happily made the that’s enough decision’! I’m heavily involved with the local theatre, box office, front of house and their gardening team.

Sorry that was for Kathmaggie not the OP.

I've only just seen that the OP asked for further info. I found two charities advertising for people to sign up to make friendly phone calls to housebound people. I found them on our local volunteering website which lists all sorts of opportunities but is obviously local to where I am. How about googling for more local info for your area?

I am not retired yet, but wanted to comment on the arthritis point and exercise. My mum had this and she swam every morning. She was fortunate that she lived close enough to a hotel that had an extra warm pool, that she could be a member of at a reasonable price. She made some good friends this way. She also felt it really helped with the arthritis, so if that is an option for you go for it.

I swim regularly, but have never made friends with anyone at the pool, but my mum could chat for England.

Kathmaggie

Aveline - I am so interested in helping people. I am interested in contacting lonely people via the helpline. I’m a retired mental health nurse and would love to help in some way. Can you advice please. My retirement has not been what I hoped after the death of my DH

AgeUk do online befriending.

knspol I understand your loneliness, but going somewhere once and not going again because no one spoke to you is not really giving anyone a chance. I have lived about half my adult life in villages and like anything, it takes time, volunteering to help is the usual way in. Not volunteering in the grand scale, but helping to gather up cups and saucers after an event and things like that.

You have to project yourself outwards, find some reason to speak to someone so that a conversation can start. Hav you considere joining something like U3A (University of the Third Age, National Womans Register.

I made several good friends through goingto Gransnet meet-ups.

Making the first move is always difficult, especially when you are not used to it and it goes against the grain but that is the only way forward.

Aveline - I am so interested in helping people. I am interested in contacting lonely people via the helpline. I’m a retired mental health nurse and would love to help in some way. Can you advice please. My retirement has not been what I hoped after the death of my DH

swampy 1961 I hope you can find some happiness of your own and your other half can do the same.It's very bad if you have got to this time of life and can't do at least a little of what you want, I hope you can have the conversation and it goes well.

Gingster and 62Granny so sorry to hear both your husbands have had dreadful strokes like mine.
I thought things were bad when I looked after my Mum for 14 years. She had dementia later on and lived to 97 so much older than my husband. I never expected to be caring for the rest of my life and it is exhausting.

My retirement is the opposite of what I hoped for. Terminally ill husband and frequent childcare for three very loved grandchildren including one with challenging autism. I am very busy. Not lonely but exhausted. I am 66 and hoped for a few years of relaxation and travel. Guess I must have been really wicked im a former life!

No really, my DH had a massive stroke 6 months after he retired and that meant going on long term sick myself during which we had to move as our house wasn't suitable for his needs , so I "retired" at 60, we had hoped that his recovery would be straightforward by it hasn't and his mobility and other health problems have got worse over the years. So our dreams of being free to go on holidays when we wanted haven't materialised , but we love our new home and we make the best of it.

I slipped into retirement without looking back.
I do a few regular things each week but otherwise take each day as it comes.
I love the slower pace - it suits my mind and body.

Sallywally1 it took me two years to get used to being retired as my husband continued to work 3 days a week , I struggled to get in a routine , but gradually got there then DH retired fully and this has been a nightmare as he expects me to drop what I am doing to either help him or go out for coffee! . I love him dearly but it’s taken a time to get to get into tandem again, now it’s great and long may it continue , I hope you get there .

I have very mixed feelings about it! I was made redundant four years ago and due to age - my employers encouraged/forced everyone over 55 to sort their pension so we are financially secure with my state pension due to kick in in 18 months time. At that time, my daughter was due to go back to work after having her second child so we began to look after GS 3 days a week. DH had already retired and was thoroughly enjoying his retirement by being lazy and doing what he wants but he's not a man with many - if any - friends!
I was missing the friendships and socialising that went with my job and was really struggling. DD signed GS up to sessions at Playgroups and swimming which got me out and mixing with other grandparents while DH stayed at home and did school pickups/drop offs with other GCs. - school is in easy walking distance - but over the years he has struggled progressively with mobility and pain when walking due to a back operation some 20 years ago. They told him he'd be in a wheelchair in his 40s he's 69 now and still relatively mobile but he doesn't go anywhere - I never have the house to myself and because he can be socially awkward around people by coming out with stupid comments that derail conversations. He doesn't see it but he has always been this way but people just accepted it even if it irked them. I am reaching the point where I can no longer accept it and need to have a serious conversation with him because I'm seriously beginning to dislike him even though I love him dearly.
I have progressed to school runs a few days a week which I love just because I can get out of the house and have a couple of friends who I see socially with both our GCs and at other times just for coffee or an outing.
DH is starting to get narked about me going out and making passive aggressive comments which are starting to drive me mad. Hence needing the conversation - he's happy with just me - but he's not enough for me and I don't want to always be around someone who makes stupid comments and derails conversations. I want to be able to talk or not as the case may be or go out without having to run it by him first - because he will make a comment - it's annoying and pisses me off big style.
I have struggled with retirement and have had therapy as this all has come about during a time of family estrangements - things have improved since and I now have a little job which gets me out for a few hours a week now along with school runs and looking after GCs. DD has tried talking to DH about the fact that he never goes out but he is just an anti-social man - he said when he did go out he came back and I'd gone out. He completely missed the point that I had briefly the chance to do entirely as I chose without recourse to him.
I think I would feel better if I could have a decent conversation with him that wasn't peppered with stupid comments or barbs. I do whatever I can to get out and find myself just ignoring him at home when he makes inane comments. It is not how I thought retirement would be and all my angst is focussed on this man. I need to focus and work out what I want and improve my retirement. So definitely mixed feelings - having a job gives you a focus and a reason to get up - retirement needs to be worked at to achieve the life you want and hope for. It's hard!

Tooyoungtobeagrandma …… well done you ! I do feel for everyone who has ties or mobility issues at this age. I lost my mum aged 95 last year, and am now a redundant mum and Nan, so I am doing everything I possibly can, as no one knows what life has in store, plus I already have lost friends and have 2 who are housebound. I travel all the time on singles holidays, or grown up granddaughters, and spend loads of time in Jersey, as son no2 lives there, and just live life to the full with no ties to anything. Am loving retirement and my kids call me Shirley Valentine ! Haven’t met a Greek man yet tho to go sailing with 🤭🤣 but a girl can hope !

Absolutely love being retired. Not having to live by the alarm clock, being able to fill my day with things I want to do not need to do! I can see that not being physically fit could impact what you can do but there is a lot of stuff you can do online. I do surveys and forum groups to earn a little pin money and keep the old brain going.

As a SAHM I never thought about retirement except in terms of DH being home more. As it is, he didn't retire till he was 71 and we both continue to be as busy as always.

We think it's a real treat if we don't have to get up and get going - but we like it that way.

No it’s not as expected I’m caring for my uncle now who has dementia I’m the only relative that lives close and I’m also his power of attorney. Retirement was thought of finally having time to myself but alas it hasn’t turned out that way.

I have been retired for 6 months (age 67) and I don’t know what to think really. I had a lovely job which I was so happy to do but my husband retired 2 years ago and he really wanted to move to the country to a place where he could have a workshop.
So I retired and we have sold our previous place and moved to a beautiful old farmhouse on the edge of a village. I like it but none of it feels real and I miss my job. I will feel better when I find a purpose I guess. Retirement just feels like a sort of mildly pleasant void if I’m honest.

1summer
".... I have found it hard being on my own, but end of last year I pulled myself together, have improved my health, lost weight and got fitter. I decided life is too short to be afraid and do a lot more on my own and say yes to lots of things I wouldn’t normally do."

iSummer, I really enjoyed this part of your post, quoted above. I am very proud of you and your positivity sets a good example for us.

Enjoying it far more than I expected I would. I retired six years ago and thought I would miss the routine, the company etc but can honestly say I haven’t missed it one bit l. Perhaps it helped that I retired just before the first lockdown in the pandemic and things were different for everyone.
I still have to sort of pinch myself to remind me that I don’t have to go to the. I’ve been lucky having a husband with a good pension and now I have my state pension which is a bonus.
We try and travel as much as we can and I have hobbies which I have time to enjoy.

No. I’m not complaining. The family concerned never asked for any of this, but I’m in a sandwich with a very elderly parent with dementia and a dearly-loved child and their spouse both with serious health issues and disabilities. Plus very lively grandchildren with now divorced parents.
It seems awful looking at how things will, inevitably, change in the future, but I have to confess that sometimes I do.

I enjoy retirement, but think it would be a different matter if we were not financially secure. I would hate having to get smartly dressed and brave rush hour traffic which I did for years when I worked.
I spend my time reading with children in a local primary school one afternoon a week- always puts a smile on my face, go to 3 fitness classes, see friends, and walk the dog. We also help out with our dgc every other week. My DD is presently on mat leave so we have been able to spend time with her, and also give our 4 yr old dgs some individual attention. I shouldn’t have favourites but I adore him and cherish the time we have together.
The only fly in the ointment is that DH has mild cognitive impairment affecting his short term memory. This may or may not develop into dementia. He used to be a keen cyclist and I had envisaged that he’d be out of the house a lot but he’s given up cycling and is always at home unless I suggest an outing. Some times I wish I had more time to myself but I know I should count my blessings because I don’t know what the future might bring.

Love it! Better than I expected and still very busy/active/ lucky!!
Currently in Faro for four nights as a quick break away! Retired at 58 and now 75 , volunteering, walking netball, choir, Pilates, gym , travelling, lunching ! Living my best life as long as I am able! Some arthritis and vertigo issues but not allowing them to dictate! I Recognise how fortunate I am !