My heart is broken

But isn’t the 6 yr old in school……so you wouldn’t have her all day would you OP?

Do you mean you texted to say no on the day you would normally have had the 6 year old after school. Before they left for work or once they’d got there?

That really put them on the spot didn’t it?

One of them would have to ask to leave work early. What would they do if their employers sad no, walk out?

Did you unthinkingly create a working parents nightmare?

How old are you Katie? Are you on your own? Is your health generally good?
With all sympathy I think you brought much of this on yourself by (it seems) not giving the parents enough notice and seemingly favouring 1 GC over another.
Would doing the school pick up with the 2 year old really have been impossible? And you don’t say what time the children would be collected.
Getting tea doesn’t sound like much hassle with a 2 and a 6 year old. How hard is it to pop a pizza in the oven? Plonk the kids in front of Bluey or Dangermouse if you need to keep them out of the kitchen!
What did we do when we had our own children?
What is the safety issue?
If you are into your 80’s or infirm I apologise, but this time I’m afraid you’ve brought it on yourself.

Yes she was in school and it was after. Her mum is off work until mid February. The circumstances are a little different because I have no peripheral vision and the 2yr old runs around with no fear and the 6yr old is still a child who doesn’t realise dangers. I tried and never bring up that my vision is not great because that would just add fuel sons partner would have stopped me long ago I am positive on that. In the txt my son said he is sick of defending me but I have never once in 6 yrs not had her. If I did say about my sight I know for sure big red flag and she would stop me from having her. Just have to see if they follow through and do stop me tomorrow.

If the 6 yr old is a regular commitment then I think it would’ve been better to have both of them and do sandwiches (for instance) or say you couldn’t have the two year old. I expect the parents of the 6 year old are already a bit put out by you reducing your days but that’s no excuse for being aggressive. However I would apologise this time for letting them down but don’t beat yourself up about it, we all make questionable decisions sometimes.
It sounds like you’re nearing the end of your willingness/ability to be the drop-off childminder. Be really clear and realistic with what you think you can manage, leaving rest time for you, and stick to that. Don’t take on any extra.

Ooh, just seen your comment, you really need to let all your children know your vision is not good, in case anything did happen, and that you can only manage one child at once. Discuss with them ordering in pizza or making a cold meal while she’s at school. For 2 days a week a nourishing meal doesn’t have to be hot.

55Katie - they won’t cancel you - they need you more than you need them….

What they all definitely need to know is that Katie has no peripheral vision😱

If your vision is impaired to a significant extent you need to be frank with your family however much it will hurt you not to look after the little ones.
What if something were to happen to one of them? You would never forgive yourself.
I don’t think you can continue to ignore this. In the meantime, as a one off and so as to not let anybody down, could you invite a friend round for a couple of hours to lend a hand?
You need to have a serious think about future arrangements and a frank conversation with the GCs’ parents.

Goodness me, you looked after your granddaughter from birth until she went to school for 5 days a week, 7am to 7pm, this is the first time you’ve missed and the child’s mother is off work at the moment? You deserve a medal, not criticism!

Personally I think in this instance it would have been better to say you could only have the two year old up until the time you have to pick the six year old up. Explaining that having both would be too much but it’s happened now so you can’t undo it.

However, I do agree with RosiesMawagain that, given your deteriorating eyesight, the time has come for you to talk to all your children about your childcare commitments and to agree arrangements that would be better and safer for all of you

I don't think critism is deserved either and you were not letting the six year old down, her Mother was at home. The adult children have had a good deal.

I do agree you should discuss your perifial vision with the parents and have them one at a time.

The care of children is the responsibility of parents, not GP's. Giving so much of your time f.o.c. to care for your GC should be appreciated and it's the parents who are out of order here.

Why do they expect you to have your GC, when the mother's at home?

I really don’t know how to approach this I have never let my Retinitis Pigmantosa define me. If I did have a discussion about what I can see and not I know for a fact that my sons partner will totally pull the plug and not let me have her and also my little grandson who is 10 months old. My daughter who has the 2 yr old and fully aware in someways mainly when it suits. I know if I say I struggle even my son would pull the plug. He is even moaning that I don’t go to his house often enough there is no bus route and either walk of taxi he has a car and when I have visited and going he just say bye no offer of lift and when I have asked he moans and just can’t be bothered dealing with it. When he does drop granddaughter off he always on phone sometimes doesn’t even come in. Well if he does turn up with granddaughter after school he is going to say it’s my fault and his words I dumped her and he is sick of defending me to his partner god know over what not a clue. Other than doing this the once and not visiting his house often enough. Her mum apparently goes round often but she has a car and is 10yrs younger than me. The granddaughter goes to lots of clubs at the weekends my son works long hours through the week and I have night blindness so winters are hard. Even when I have gone they leave me to play with grandchildren so it’s like I’m looking after grandchildren there too.. never in a long while have I chatted with my son and really it’s like he is a stranger at times. The occasions I have asked could I take Grandson and go down which is a 35 minute walk up and down hills his partner has said yes then when I have got there she has said can you bring him back in an hour so I literally just walked round to streets with him. I have him one full day on a Monday she drops him off then picks him up so I can’t at least get some quality time. The only days I have free is one because I also have an elderly mum still who wants my attention also. I am never going to win on this so yet again I will keep my mouth shut not cause issues not and carry on. The only time reality will kick in is when I am gone but, even then I will probably still be the bad one. Never mind at least I can see bits god help me if it kicks in and I go totally blind.

Sorry all my input seems to be long winded I am just off loading no one else not any friends and I do mean non.

I think breaking the regular visit of six year old would cause upset. If I didn't feel able to have both I think I'd have said I was fine with the two year old till school pick up for six year old. It would still help with two tear old without breaking the arrangement with six year old.

Well they have done it txt to say granddaughter won’t be coming. I just put okay back.
Just wondering what they will do school holidays cos I have her full 2 days then.
Or am I over thinking it? They know I would never refuse so they hold the cards.

Your life does not sound a happy one Katie💐

But truly I cannot understand how you would put your grandchildren’s safety at risk, knowing that you cannot see at all well. And you conceal that from the children’s parents because they would not take such risks with their children if they knew!

What you want or what the patents want in childcare are nit important.

The children’s safety is everything. Frankly I’m horrified.

I know I made the error and on the day txt back straightway to say leave it as it was and I would have them both that was before even I got all the txt of dumping and such. I know now to keep my mouth shut. If it comes and they make other arrangements then I will just txt and see when I can go and visit or when they will visit me with grandchildren. What’s done is done. I even apologised and said I didn’t realise it would cause such an impact. Six and a half yrs of never missing and one occasion it ends it.

I can see my central vision is fine I don’t have peripheral. I have never put my grandchildren in danger that’s why I had the 2yr old because daughter was having work done and no heating. And the 6yrs old was in school and coming later both her parents were at home so didn’t think it would of been an issue and as for safety that’s why I said I couldn’t have them both and cook teas and it was a one off because whenever I have both my daughter is usually with me.

Katie, these are your Grandchildren, not your children, you have put there needs before your own, even at the expense of having no friends.
To be honest you come across as needy, and that gives the adult children an excuse to treat you badly. You must speak to them about your eyesight because it may be dangerous.
I don't excuse your children, especially your son, who is too lazy to even give you a lift home, especially given the amount of childcare you do and the money they save.

55katie

I know I made the error and on the day txt back straightway to say leave it as it was and I would have them both that was before even I got all the txt of dumping and such. I know now to keep my mouth shut. If it comes and they make other arrangements then I will just txt and see when I can go and visit or when they will visit me with grandchildren. What’s done is done. I even apologised and said I didn’t realise it would cause such an impact. Six and a half yrs of never missing and one occasion it ends it.

Is it because they see it as daughter's child as more important than sons child? I see a lot of that on Mumsnet, don't know if it is true but lots of DILs seem to feel it and are very resentful that their child isn't the golden child.

Thank you for putting things in prospective and never thought of myself as being needy. When I put everyone before me but, will from now try to be more upfront.

They've all been using you for free childcare and now you aren't compliant or capable, they're making your life hell. They only care about themselves and they don't respect you or love you as a person. Tell them to pay for childcare going forward. They should be helping and caring for you. You aren't a dumping ground for the kids they freely chose to have.