Bloody etiquette coaches! AIBU?

A chopsticks story - we were in Hong Kong, 4yr old asleep, head on table.

The lovely waitress was giving our 10yr old instructions on how to use chopsticks. He couldn’t get to grips with them (he is 45 now, still refuses to use them)

Four year old woke up when our meal was served, picked up chopsticks and ate his food.

😁

Aha, GNs, the angle of placement is different for posh folk in different countries.
Unfortunately, the programme was so long ago, I can't remember the details.

Maremia

Aha, GNs, the angle of placement is different for posh folk in different countries.
Unfortunately, the programme was so long ago, I can't remember the details.

It's up there if you ask Chat GPN for instance.

I put in asking for the British way - and yep...confirmed as what I thought. I then thought I'd ask re a European country and chose France - and it's different (I don't remember the details - but one would confuse the heck out of anyone if doing it like that in Britain). Thinks - might go and ask re one of the most egalitarian/modern societies I can think of - of to ask re Denmark.

Avoid The Telegraph.

There’s a simple answer.
Just don’t read the Daily Telegraph 👌

Crossed posts Geordiegirl!

Sago

Fish knives always remind of this poem.

How To Get On In Society by Sir John Betjeman CBE (1906-1984) circa 1920s

Phone for the fish knives, Norman
As cook is a little unnerved;
You kiddies have crumpled the serviettes
And I must have things daintily served.

Are the requisites all in the toilet?
The frills round the cutlets can wait
Till the girl has replenished the cruets
And switched on the logs in the grate.

It’s ever so close in the lounge dear,
But the vestibule’s comfy for tea
And Howard is riding on horseback
So do come and take some with me

Now here is a fork for your pastries
And do use the couch for your feet;
I know that I wanted to ask you-
Is trifle sufficient for sweet?

Milk and then just as it comes dear?
I’m afraid the preserve’s full of stones;
Beg pardon, I’m soiling the doileys
With afternoon tea-cakes and scones.

So snobby, but funny! Thanks for posting!

well, I would say, don't read the DT which has become utterly bonkers over the last few years.

Manners vary so much that it can be hard to know what to do so as not to give offence. For example offering and receiving or refusing food could make me embarrassed or anxious when I was young.

It was very difficult with Highland people as you didn't know whether they wanted it or not. They would refuse. But you were supposed to press them by continuing to offer it. But I didn't know how many times to press them.

Also I often didn't want to eat. But it seemed rude to refuse several times. I wasn't sure if I had to eat in the end whether I wanted to or not so as not to give offence.

I wished it could be more straightforward. But I suppose it was ritual eating of a sort.

My father would come home to his island and have to go round the houses and eat huge amounts of food in one house after another. It was painful. But they did themselves and him honour by putting as much on the table as they could. And he did them honour by eating it.

But I was a poor eater and it made me anxious.

No Highland house could turn away a visitor. Sometimes Englis tourists took advantage of this. But perhaps they thought the people were genuinely delighted to see them.

I agree Pinkhousegirl. My DH used to buy the DT and, although I did not agree with its politics, I used to find that it was, on the whole, an intelligently written paper. Also I am big fan of Matt.

Recently it has descended into the same realms of bonkerdom as all the other right wing papers.

Glad I don't come from a part of the country where that happens - ie all that food offering. Thank goodness in my own area and where I live now it gets offered once and that's it. So you either say "yes" or "no" the once - dependant on whether you're hungry or no and that's that = job done.

I presume it's the norm throughout the country to offer a drink of some description as soon as a visitor comes through one's door (whether they're a friend on a social visit or a tradesperson come to do a job). I don't think things vary here in Wales - and I've got a Welsh friend that's very much in the habit of popping in unexpectedly and he heads straight for the kitchen immediately and looks meaningfully at my drinks cupboard obviously expecting to be offered one - and so I suppose it's the same here.

Calendargirl

Allira

I do think it's a pity that many children today are not taught correct table manners and have no idea how to use cutlery when they start school.

Remind me not to fly first class again, I'd hate to be perceived as common! 😁

It’s not just children.

Many adults seem to have forgotten how to use cutlery.

Knife never used to cut food up, fork in the ‘wrong’ hand, (unless you’re left-handed), the food just pushed around the plate and sort of scooped up…..

On Coronation Street last night, (o.k. not the height of great etiquette), the family at the pub were eating a meal and Eva, the landlady, didn’t seem to know how to handle a knife and fork.

It was painful to watch.

🍴🥄🍽️

Apparently Julian Fellowes felt impelled to dispense cutlery etiquette to some actors in Downton Abbey as their eating habits would definitely not have been acceptable in the period depicted!

Of course flying first class snobbery is clutching at straws, a fill in. Anyone who has flown first knows how comfortable it is and what a difference it makes to a long journey.

I’m assuming Vita Sackville West’s white garden was chosen to stay away from those awful gaudy colourful gardens. Clutching pearls😁
My garden when I first moved here, had Battle of Britain roses (lived in by a colonel). Bright orange and red. Gone now and not missed but I do like colour.

Mrs Doyle in 'Father Ted', 'go on, go on, go on, go on'.

Kittylester me too!🤣

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Me !!
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I still like to do things the right way and as I was raised but like to keep uptodate.
BTW I adore William Hanson !
P.S. Asparagus with cutlery is okay if it has a sauce on it, but if not (but with melted butter in s separate little pot for dipping) then it's eaten using your left hand which leaves your right hand free
for handshakes!! Fingers bowls should be provided!
.

Barbadosbelle

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Me !!
.
I still like to do things the right way and as I was raised but like to keep uptodate.
BTW I adore William Hanson !
P.S. Asparagus with cutlery is okay if it has a sauce on it, but if not (but with melted butter in s separate little pot for dipping) then it's eaten using your left hand which leaves your right hand free
for handshakes!! Fingers bowls should be provided!
.

Anyone wanting to shake hands with someone who is dining was not blessed with good manners.

Comment

Etiquette is important. My parents taught me how to behave, eat correctly and good manners. I have been to rather nice dinners and see people who are far wealthier than I eating like pigs. Money can't buy class.

I think good manners and thoughtfulness are the mark of a considerate, kind, civilized society

However, etiquette to me is something that really belongs to a bygone age.It was full of snooty, snobby silly rules for the idle rich to look down upon the lower classes

And l.really think.some people from the Upper and Chattering classes still long for the age DeBretts Etiquette and Debutante's Balls.

...and, as for the asparagus, best of all (if possible) is if you've actually managed to coax some to come up in your own garden.

In which case - break the top off and eat it then and there - raw.

Not a huge fan of raw vegetables - but really really fresh asparagus (or garden peas) = yep.

Re my last post.

I forget to mention Who's Who.

I doff my cap to my betters.