Feeling like I missed out on so much in life

My main regrets are not things I could have done anything about. I regret not having a sister, only a brother, and I regret not having a daughter, only sons (much as I love them). Too many males in my life!

I had to be persuaded to leave home when I went to London for university. If I had stayed at home as I wished, I would definitely have regretted it later. The best decision I was ever pushed into!

It’s so easy to think “what if” but it really is never too late to realise some dreams. One of the biggest regrets for many is not learning to play the piano or giving up too early. I have taught many older adults in this position and it is very moving to witness people fulfilling their dreams. While, realistically, they are not going to be the next Martha Argerich or Lang Lang, real progress is very possible with practise and the enjoyment gained is priceless.

For myself I have no real regrets apart from the fact I do not have a life time partner now. I regret the fact my mother married my stepfather and her personality and the way she treated me changed.

My art teacher wanted me to go to Art College and was arranging it but mother stopped that - 'You didn't like school so you won't like college'. ! Actually expecting me brought her own Art Studies to and end. And she wanted me out to work to bring in money.

My decisions in life meant I have few regrets now. I've usually been very happy at the time in terms of jobs, housing, children, grandchildren, long term partners, holidays etc. Maybe I was just lucky and I am so grateful for everything. I have had so many good times with ex partners, great memories, decent people.

I just regret things I didn't say to friends and family who have since passed. I wish I had talked to them more, given them more time and told them clearly how much I loved them.

I’ve had a blast, mostly! No regrets, just a waste of time.

I had a son that was born brain damaged and profoundly deaf. I've spent the last 40 odd years caring for him. I've missed out on a hell of a lot. Job prospects, a decent living, social life, my sanity, my physical health. It's been an uphill struggle. I've also been a single parent for 40 years. It's affected every area of my life, even my marriage disintegrated over our boy. I also had another healthy son who was younger to care for. He was god sent and has helped me no end. What I gave up for my disabled son had to be done, it was as simple as that. Now I am 63 years old. I'm still trying to catch up living and trying different experiences on a low income. I don't regret caring for my son, but am aware what I've had to give up too. Just do your best daily to enjoy your life. This is what I do. Your also a long time dead, so seize the day darling. Lots of live xx

One regret: I wish I'd found my birth father before he'd died so I could tell him what I thought of him and his treatment of my Grandmother and my Mother which greatly affected their lives. [I never knew him].

I'd have wiped the floor with him to say the least.

henetha

HS62

Oh Passiflora your post was so poignant. I think over the years you’ve held yourself in purgatory for such a long time maybe it’s enough now? Whatever you did you seem to sincerely regret it and feel thoroughly ashamed. I think it’s time to cut yourself some slack. Mentally atone one last time for any harm and hurt you’ve caused others … then truly let it go. Best wishes.

I should have joined the WRENS but I was too short and my life took a completely different turn. So if only id been a little bit taller!

Thank you for such kind comments. I do try and will keep trying. The worst person to forgive is oneself it seems to me. I should have done better. Cowardice is another thing I deplore in myself. But I do appreciate what you have both said.

HS62

It's no good fretting over what might have been, so yes seize the day.

One of my mother's (many) sayings was "If I knew then what I know now ...."
Well, we do know now so that can help shape the future.

My problem is that I’m clever enough to know that I’m not stupid, but I’m too stupid to be clever enough. Both parents had passed before I was 15; which meant going into care which very little guidance and support, having to find work and to support myself financially and emotionally

M0nica

NotSpaghetti

travelsafar not sure how busy you are but why not look at part time degrees now?

I did my MA part time and it was SO amazing!

OU is very expensive for anyone funding themselves. The fees are the same as for an 18 year old going to university.

Our lives are what they are. Regrets are pointless. Much better to take ones life in ones hands and make the most of what is left to us than sit around regretting the past.

I agree, the OU ( and a pre OU course ) changed my life … not the eventual honours degree but the fact that I enjoyed learning! I was divorced from a brief early marriage, lived with someone I thought was going somewhere til he got a job far away and didn’t ask me to go with him ( eventually realised it wasn’t me but his mental health issues. He checked himself into an institution for 5 years and came out having learned to make Lutes!) So whilst working full time ( I the 70s) I took a part time OU Degree Course. Married one of my Lecturers at the end of it ( Bad mistake!). However THEN I was paid for by my employers - The Civil Service - now I would have to pay my way. As the OP said …expensive!
But why not find a local course in something that might interest you, cheaper, often funded by the local authority? Or join the local U3a … lots of courses/ groups usually available depending where you are. Any form of education or craft can open you up to new experiences, new friends and get you doing something you never thought of . Forget what you MISSED… and find something new to do. I’m sure we all have various regrets, rarely does anyone’s life go the way we thought it would. So open yourself up to a new experiences? One to start …and the skies the limit. I’m still working from home part time as health allows and go out to various U3a groups to the point where I’m pretty tired ( 80 next year ) no need to stop and look back… look forward!

Out of my hands, I know. I often wonder how my life would’ve turned out had my parents and dog not died when I was in my teens……..

Passiflora - just look how far you've grown and developed.

Please credit yourself with that at least!

@Passiflora, we have all done, said and thought things that we later wish with all our hearts that we could take back. I am someone who can be very outspoken - it is a lifelong battle for self control in this area and, l am afraid, I have not always been successful. However, l am a practicing Christian and I believe in the Jesus who died for my sins and yours, rose again and is alive. If we sincerely ask for forgiveness we are granted it and the sin is wiped away forever. It is not necessary to mention these things to another human being. 💐

Thank you fir this response. Very kind and I know there is truth in it.

That was addressed to not spaghetti
I haven't got the hang if this yet. To musicgirl I am unfortunately deeply atheist but I greatly appreciate the sentiment and kindness you have shown. You are quite right in your last sentence too. The burden feels like my own.

Since reading the OP yesterday I've been thinking and thinking about this thread. It's very interesting to consider but also quite uncomfortable somehow. Right now, as a pensioner, I feel I'm somewhat 'beached' in a good place. There have been some undoubted lows in my life but also some highs. Generally I'm grateful but now, far too late I realise I should have studied medicine instead of more fun easier courses. I'd have been a good doctor...

My biggest regret, although totally out of my hands, is never being able to drive owing to poor eyesight. Always relying on buses in all weathers. However I have managed to have horses, although have not been able to have been as competitive as I would have liked. It has been very life limiting, always having to take a job which was on a bus route and socially difficult. However at 80 this year, and still living in a village, I am still able to walk a cross country course to check out the jumps before the competition, with my granddaughter and before that my daughter bonus! Other friends are not so lucky with their mobility.

I have always considered the words 'If Only' the two saddest words in the English language.

We have all had times in or lives where had we made different decisions, things would have been different......but who can know if 'different' is worse or better.

My only vague regret is that I only ever had sex with one man, my husband. Never really wonderful or earth moving. We had five children, and then in later years, due to his MS, he was unable. When I hear and read of how wonderful this can be for many women (including my own daughters), I do have a little regret not having had other such partners - but at 84 have no inclination to find out now!!!!

Aveline

Since reading the OP yesterday I've been thinking and thinking about this thread. It's very interesting to consider but also quite uncomfortable somehow. Right now, as a pensioner, I feel I'm somewhat 'beached' in a good place. There have been some undoubted lows in my life but also some highs. Generally I'm grateful but now, far too late I realise I should have studied medicine instead of more fun easier courses. I'd have been a good doctor...

I should not have kept doubting myself and gone for the things I dreamed of instead of just dreaming and believing they weren't for girls like me.
But, it's too late now.

What a lot of interesting, some sad, some very brave posts. They make me realise even more how very grateful I am to those who have eased me along in life, some long gone and others who have ‘held my hand’ during difficult times.
Many of you people here make me feel quite humble.

Jaxjacky I feel humble quite often with my rather small problems.

The most powerful time was the first time that I worked very very late - waiting for someone at work. When I got home eventually, exhausted and hungry, to a house that was a complete mess, full of children's toys and the clothes airer, books and so on I stepped barefoot on a lego brick!

I had, however, just settled a weary, weepy but brave mum with a small child into the refuge where I worked. The toddler was half asleep. She was carried in wearing pyjamas without even a teddy.
I have never felt so grateful for my messy home and loving family. I can't say how blessed I felt that night.
I think of this often.
🙏