Driving

I found myself losing confidence last year, after a period when I drove very little.

Fortunately for me just as I began to realise the problem, we had a month of longer jurneys to visit friends and families. So I told DH that for the next month, short journey or long, regardless of weather, I would do all the driving.

By the end of the month I had driven over 1,000 miles on all kinds of roads in all kinds of weather and I felt completely confident aagain. DH said over the month my driving improved significantly, not in the sense of road skills, but I was driving the car more smoothly, not over braking and just confident whatever I was doing.

I don't like driving long distances I don't think I ever did really. My husband suffers from motion sickness if he's driven so it's very much a case of him doing the driving when we're off anywhere together, although conversely he's always telling me I should drive more, with the old adage "if you don't use it you'll lose it" This time of the year, as much as I love the crisp colder sunny days, I find the dazzle from low winter sun hard to cope with from a driving point of view..

TerriBull

I don't like driving long distances I don't think I ever did really. My husband suffers from motion sickness if he's driven so it's very much a case of him doing the driving when we're off anywhere together, although conversely he's always telling me I should drive more, with the old adage "if you don't use it you'll lose it" This time of the year, as much as I love the crisp colder sunny days, I find the dazzle from low winter sun hard to cope with from a driving point of view..

Low winter sun is cause to many road incidents, imo.

If you are losing your confidence on motorways then they really aren't the place for you. I have made the decision not to drive on them any more because I don't feel comfortable at driving over 50 so that means being in the inside lane sandwiched between enormous trucks. Also the searchlight glare from the vehicles with LED lights would be an issue for me too. I would be a danger to myself and everyone else so I don't drive on them but get everywhere I want to on the A & B roads. I would think twice if I were you.

Sarnia

If you are losing your confidence on motorways then they really aren't the place for you. I have made the decision not to drive on them any more because I don't feel comfortable at driving over 50 so that means being in the inside lane sandwiched between enormous trucks. Also the searchlight glare from the vehicles with LED lights would be an issue for me too. I would be a danger to myself and everyone else so I don't drive on them but get everywhere I want to on the A & B roads. I would think twice if I were you.

I agree with you. I’m ok to drive on routes I know. I’m very aware of all the crossings, lights and pedestrians. This of course includes idiots on electric bikes etc. I’m very happy to drive within speed limits, 20 or 30 mph. I use a couple of local dual carriageways as I know the layouts etc. I’ve told DH I’m no longer driving long distances. He’s decided to give up driving altogether, which I think is a good decision.

I lost my driving mojo during lockdowns, up till then I was often whizzing round the M25 and other motorways without a second thought.

It took me three years to regain my confidence, and I have now down several three/four hour drives including motorways with DD and GC in my car.

I have never been a fan of night driving, but if I know I will be I make sure we are in DH’s car which is higher than mine.

Because of where we live to get anywhere it involves A roads with anything from 2-4 lanes, country lanes with no lights or a busy seafront. I have had to out my big girl pants on and just crack on.

I don't like driving at all but just get on with it. I am used to motorways as I have to access three to visit my DDs. I live in the countryside and the roads here are very narrow and twist and turn and I am used to them too. I can't drive in cities. I know I would be anxious so I don't do it.

I too lost a lot of confidence in driving during lockdown. I learnt to drive in Central London and until lockdown was driving all over the place, both in cities and the country, motorways, country lanes and busy city roads.

I think some of my loss of skills/confidence also came when my OH persuaded me that we didn't need two cars as we both commuted into London every day and we could easily manage with one car at weekends. I really missed my little car and was worried that I would somehow damage the new car we bought and shared! And then OH declared that, as public transport was so unreliable, he would use the car for his sporting events which take place virtually every weekend and some weekday evenings...I'm now thinking of buying a small second-hand car just for myself so that I can drive more often.

This resonates with me. Before retirement I would drive to work - a round trip of 50miles, and drive down to family in Devon. We moved here and I've hardly driven in 10yrs. I went out for a test drive 2 weeks ago and whilst I remember the mechanics of driving, the traffic these days is so much busier and I am rather scared if I'm honest.

AskAlice, if you can afford it, then do get yourself another car. Your OH seems to have appropriated your shared car -did you help pay for it, BTW? In which case he probably should reimburse you, and enable you to have your own independent transport and keep up your driving confidence and skills.

Like AskAlice we are experimenting to see if we can live with one car.
My mini was sold and we are managing quite well but I am finding that I am doing less driving.
DH has a big car, very long with lots of bells and whistles. Beeps all the time, if I want to make any changes to the heating etc. it involves swiping and tapping. I hate it, he loves it.
I’ve just come back from visiting someone who lives in a little cottage with limited parking and lots of bins, small sheds and hedges. Reversing in off a road was horrible. I would have done it with no fuss in my little car.
I’m getting another one in a month or two. Small with knobs!

My OH prefers to drive and it always made me so cross. I felt my confidence going. However he had a breakdown this year so I became the main driver for months. Thankfully both he, and my driving, are much improved. And we share the driving now.

Motorways are easier than some minor roads tbh and if not confident on those then it would be helpful to have a refresher with a driving instructor. More accidents happen nearer home on average.

I really would not like to go down to one car, it is my freedom pass

I haven’t got a problem with motorways I drive every few months from Surrey to Wales on the M25-M4 and that is fine.

Local driving for work and shopping etc still fine

But I hate driving somewhere I don’t know. My friend moved to Southampton an area I’ve never been to, she had a house on a new estate. The Sat nav didn’t recognise it the first time I drove down there and I drove round and round for ages and couldn’t find her. I eventually phoned her, described where I was and she came to find me and I followed her. Then driving back I nearly went wrong on the motorway which was very scary and I haven’t driven down there since. She comes to me or we meet in Wales at a familiar Airbnb .

I still work, she doesn’t so it’s difficult for me to arrange to go there but I admit not wanting to and my daughters say I should just get over my anxiety which I find hurtful but they are partly right because I don’t want to drive there again . Any advice?

Well said gullygranny 👍 I totally agree.

gulligranny, what a Wally I am, can’t even spell your name.

I love driving, and go all over the place- and OK at night too.

It is really the question of 'do it, or lose it'.

It scares me when people say, oh I never drive these days, but I will in an emergency!!!

Many women have husbands who always want to drive, once both are retired. It's a disaster.

I try not to drive after dark now. I have slight cataracts and, although they don't affect my normal vision, they make headlights blinding. I normally don't go very far from home but I do have one or two quite difficult junctions to negotiate. So far I have avoided choosing different routes because I think that once I start avoiding problems I will see them all over the place and give up all together.

Have you tried the wrap around yellow anti glare glasses, you can wear over your own. They are brilliant.

I've lost my confidence on motorways.My local one is the M62 and its horrendously busy Almost every day there's a serious accident. It frustrates me as to go and see DD in another city that's the route.However I've found a non motorway route that takes another 20 minutes usually but is far less stressful. Daft really because I will confidently drive new routes,follow sat nav and cope with major roundabouts.DH always says your safer on the motorway as everyone's going in the same direction.But the sheer speed and weaving in and out of impatient drivers and tailgating even if you're driving up to the speed limit now makes me anxious.

TwiceasNice train?

Another who just gets on with it. I have to drive in the dark one day a week.

fleurpepper I have those glasses and do find them a huge help. They are also a help when driving into the low winter sun. I'd definitely recommend them.