My grandchildren never thank me for anything I do for them.

My comment about thanks was a general one in response to a previous poster saying something about it being a privilege for grandparenTs to provide financial or other support to grandchildren with no expectation of a thankyou, which I do not agree with,

It’s possible in this particular case the children are not even aware their gm pays for trips etc and it is surely up to their father to mention it to his children.

There are lots of privileged grandparents, it seems.

People talk about their adult children as if they are a whole different, special species, instead of normal grown ups.
Weird.
In my opinion, if course.

Nannarose

I think that as long as you can afford it, keep giving and, as others have said, expect no thanks, other than from your son. I would strongly suspect that the children don't know about your contribution.
How are they when you see them? I can see that it is difficult when you see them so little, you wouldn't expect an easy conversation, but are they generally pleasant kids?
I see no harm at all in asking about the music and the school trips - it makes for conversation - and does indeed check that the money is being used as you intend

I'd also suggest that these are significant ages for ann interest in something like music - are you able to ask something along the lines of "Do you still like the music lessons - is it something you'll be keeping up now you're older?" or "Do you get music lessons at your secondary school - will you still want lessons outside of school?". That sort of feedback may give you a good deal of information.

If you are struggling financially, then you could maybe give some notice about stopping some of this support.

I do think it quite possible that you will get the thanks much later when the children grow up and realise what was going on. Tough for you

Really good advice.

So strange that the OP doesn't come back to answer some of the points raised, to acknowledge replies and she will think about them or just thanks and goodbye. This happens so often I sometimes wonder why a question or comment was raised in the beginning.

If your son is parted from the family for whatever reason you are the “estranged” grandparent, the treatment you are getting is pretty normal. Maintain contact the GC might keep contact as they get older but don’t bet on it they will have been indoctrinated against you.

Thanks. I think you are right

If I did have GC and I did give them something, I would tell them to say thank you, just as I did with my own children until they learned their manners. Children only say thank you because someone taught them how.

Some people don’t know how lucky they are! I longed to have piano lessons but we couldn’t afford them.

We used to get letters to take home about school trips and myself and a couple of friends just disposed of them before we got home as we knew there was no way our parents could budget for these.

I think the kids mentioned are old enough for Grandma to ask them how the lessons are going and if the reply is positive to say “I am so pleased to help you out in this way. Well done!”

May I suggest you write a letter now and again to the granchildren or even a card , making that emotional contact and asking how their lessons are going , how you look forward to next visit . Don't expect a reply just do it for you . I write occasionally to mine , just to remind them I think of them and care . If you have a mobile phone you could pop your number in and maybe you might get a text .
I hope you have more time with them in the future but meanwhile write a few words from Grandma