Impersonal

“And some frequent posters often beloved by many can be down right nasty as if by being a longtime poster excuses them.”

So true!! And if anyone calls them out they act all innocent- who moi??

I hear you eddiecat!

eddiecat78

The vast majority of people just say their bit without reading anything else - especially if the thread extends to several pages.
I have occasionally thought about writing something really offensive just to see if anyone notices!
Ironically, I doubt if anyone is reading this

I read it, eddiecat . And your post, Daddima

I never reply without reading the whole thread, but I completely get your point.

I do enjoy GN, and have connected with several people whom I'm sure would be friends in 'real life' if we met, but I do understand why so many give up as they feel ignored, or that there are cliques.

Helterskelter an excellent post.
eediecat I was reading
Doodledog I always enjoy reading your well composed posts.

Sorry, should read eddiecat.

Thank you, Aldom. That's very kind.

GN was a lifesaver when I had to shield for two years during the pandemic. I will always be grateful for those kind posters, who kept my spirits up.

Daddima

eddiecat78

The vast majority of people just say their bit without reading anything else - especially if the thread extends to several pages.
I have occasionally thought about writing something really offensive just to see if anyone notices!
Ironically, I doubt if anyone is reading this

I was, and have often thought the same!

I read it too and I agree.

I do read all the posts usually, and generally find people helpful and friendly. It is interesting to read what people are doing or their views on subjects, which if I cannot sleep I find a good distraction from things and of course there are times when you really wonder if the person really did this or that, or how it seems that some family situations are allowed to happen, and it can make you look at your own life in a different way I would not like to go on things like Tik Tok or such like where it seems a much less friendly or helpful way

Yes madeleine45 I have looked at my life...and opinions... carefully after reading some threads and the posts. And often changed my way of thinking even at this stage of later life. There is a lot of good information.
During the pandemic when I was shielding and having chemotherapy, Gransnet was company especially during sleepless nightimes. Courtesy of steroids.
It's recently the atmosphere seems to have changed.
Funnily enough I sometimes read Mumsnet Style and Beauty, although I am neither stylish nor beautiful, and I see a sea change on there as well. Many more abrasive answers. Unnecessary in discussions about handbags or shoes or what dress to wear to a winter wedding etc. That gets boring and I switch off.
I belong to a cancer forum and that is constantly moderated and posts deleted quickly if required.
I didn't join GN to make friends, ɓut have had a couple of pleasant PM exchanges. And one very strange one.

Madeleine45 I recall very kind, thoughtful advice you posted some months back. Sorry can't remember the detsils nor the OP, but I thought this is what GN is all about.

It's difficult if you start a thread asking for advice, take on board that advice, post thanking for advice and clarifying your position and people still keep posting telling you how awful you are and a whole matter of fictitious scenarios

JaneJudge

It's difficult if you start a thread asking for advice, take on board that advice, post thanking for advice and clarifying your position and people still keep posting telling you how awful you are and a whole matter of fictitious scenarios

So true. And those threads can go on and on for pages with people making things up and repeating the same advice. That's why I think the OP should be able to end the discussion when they feel their thread has run its course and the question has been answered.

Eddiecat........... I read your post too!!

Have a look at the ‘ Online Dating Worry’ thread!
Despite the original poster replying that she has dealt with it, still folk are piling on with advice!

I think I was probably hoping to, if not make friends, to make some connections. To see someone’s name appear, and know I am going to emphasise with what they say.
I don’t post much anymore, I enjoy the book threads, but don’t get involved in much else.
I suppose there are only so many subjects that can be raised, but to me, it all seems a bit repetitive.
There are a few names I feel I would like in the real world, but a lot more that I think that I wouldn’t.

eddiecat78

The vast majority of people just say their bit without reading anything else - especially if the thread extends to several pages.
I have occasionally thought about writing something really offensive just to see if anyone notices!
Ironically, I doubt if anyone is reading this

I’m treading this and I’d certainly notice if posted, offensive or not!

Reading! Not treading! Edit button PLEASE

I like the book threads as well. Always good to get suggestions. I try and remember to write them down for when I go to our local charity book shop.

If a poster starts a thread and doesn't like what they hear. Can they close the thread?
From my reading, it always seems to be the first few posts that set the tone.
I am no expert at this.

HelterSkelter
I have had some good recommendations, I am reading one now

Doodledog

I’ve posted on a few forums over many years, and this is the only one where it is acceptable not to ‘read the flipping thread’. It is also the only one where people aren’t expected to answer questions to clarify their posts - usually that is a given, as if something is unclear then replies go off track, and misunderstandings occur, and it also encourages people to post and run. The traditions on GN set it up for people feeling excluded and for accusations of cliques. It also makes people feel ‘piled on’ when lots of others tell them they are wrong just because they can, regardless of the fact that they are just queuing up to repeat what’s already been said and the OP has accepted that they are being unreasonable and said so.

I struggle with all of those things as generally they are seen as extremely rude, but have come to accept that they are just norms here, and this place operates differently from others. I don’t know anywhere else where posters are accused of ‘demanding’ clarification or where it is ok to keep posting things that others have posted without at least acknowledging that you are agreeing with named people.

It can be maddening when you take time to think about a question or situation, word a thoughtful response and a few posts later someone else says the same thing as though you hadn’t bothered, and they get the replies. It happens to all of us, and it can make you feel invisible, but if you post a lot at least some of what you say will get a response.

A lot of people say that GN is the only social media they use, so I wonder if they have simply accepted that it’s ok to behave like that, and never questioned it? I do agree with you Tiley that many threads are not conversations, but those that are (eg News and Politics) are accused of being argumentative and people say they don’t join in as they will be expected to hold their own.

With very few exceptions I don’t think people intend to be rude or to exclude others - it’s just that if you are used to posting elsewhere GN can seem that way.

😊😊

I have made friends, but not directly through the forum itself.

I PMed one member who I knew lived alone and close to me when she had a serious domestic catastrophe. I would not have contacted her otherwise, and a friendship has developed with two other people whom I have met through the local get-togethers.

Tiley has there been a local meetup near you? if not could you organise one?

It would help if an OP’s subsequent comments could appear in a different colour, easier to spot if they have come back to a thread with an update, and might prevent further advice being given.
I also get frustrated if some one writes “ I agree with( name) “ . I don’t always have time to go searching back through pages of a fast-moving thread to see what point they are agreeing with.
Edit and Agree or Like buttons, please!

Cabbie21

It would help if an OP’s subsequent comments could appear in a different colour, easier to spot if they have come back to a thread with an update, and might prevent further advice being given.
I also get frustrated if some one writes “ I agree with( name) “ . I don’t always have time to go searching back through pages of a fast-moving thread to see what point they are agreeing with.
Edit and Agree or Like buttons, please!

I always access Gransnet on my phone, and all responses from the original poster are highlighted in green. It makes it much easier to follow. I, too, never respond without reading the thread.