When is a budget wedding not a budget wedding?

My niece was to get married in 2020, but Covid hit, it was supposed to be a biggish do! 1 year later, a lot smaller, only family in the church, everyone else outside, niece said best thing ever! The money they had saved meant they could afford a conservatory and downstairs toilet extension on their little house. Told me if they'd had the wedding as planned, house would have been too small and it would have stretched them to get it as it is now. There's 4 of them now, 1 baby (almost 2) and 1 dog (almost 4).

For them, BUDGET wedding meant alterations to house and a caravan for family holidays (that baby is better travelled than I am!)

My son got married last year. The French family provided and set up all the decor for the wedding and the reception and the UK guests did all the tidying up the next morning. We worked together and it wasn’t a “has to” …..and we all had a fabulous time at a not-over-the -top wedding in France.

We have paid for bridesmaids dresses for our girl's weddings. My daughters-in-law (or their family) paid for theirs.

We did this irrespective of the overall costs of the wedding.

suelld

I think the question here is did the bridesmaids know what their ‘job’ entailed when they accepted the position? Bridesmaids are there to support the bride who IS the ‘lead’ in this event. As someone else noted in many cultures this support is common, tho not so much in British culture.
If they knew what they would have to do and pay for why the fuss. If not, then yes, it’s a problem.

When my daughter was asked to be a bridesmaid, she was flattered and said yes. It never occurred to her to ask for a written contract detailing what her financial commitment would be nor a job description of what would be required of her. Perhaps she should have asked for one.

No-one is forcing the bridesmaids to go along with the brides requests, it is up to them to say no.

I think the question here is did the bridesmaids know what their ‘job’ entailed when they accepted the position? Bridesmaids are there to support the bride who IS the ‘lead’ in this event. As someone else noted in many cultures this support is common, tho not so much in British culture.
If they knew what they would have to do and pay for why the fuss. If not, then yes, it’s a problem.

Nannan2

Things were simpler back then...now the brides are influenced by celebs and online 'influencers' but they dont seem to realise that these people have much more available cash to spare than they do🙄😐

Some are but not all by a long chalk. There have always been those whp put the importance of the wedding way above the importance of the marriage.

Originally , bridesmaids were dressed as the bride so that evil spirits / devil didn't know who to tempt .

I recall that a bridesmaid's dress was chosen and paid for by the bride and you always received a small thank you gift .
It was a simple affair and you were thrilled to have a special dress and present .

Now , it's become a fashion parade .

I've heard of bridesmaids told to become a size eight as the dresses were already bought for them .
There have been stipulations about make up , jewellery and hair .

Now you have you pay for the honour .

It's not a budget wedding if the bride is wearing a designer dress with all the trimmings and expecting expensive gifts .
I know girls , who can't afford the hen night bill never mind the dress .
And I know some parents , who are still paying for extravagant weddings only to see their children separate and divorce .

What should be a happy celebration of love been two people is often a vulgar display .

What a shame .

Things were simpler back then...now the brides are influenced by celebs and online 'influencers' but they dont seem to realise that these people have much more available cash to spare than they do🙄😐

A budget wedding is not a budget wedding when...it's my daughter's!

Is it unusual - or just unusual in the modern era?

My parents married during rationing and used to speak of their church hall reception - family, friends and bridal party (including bridesmaids and best man) got together to set up the hall and clear up afterwards. The family made the food and clothes and all of the food/clothing had to come from their ration coupons that took months of saving up ...

It was normal then that people pitched in - but not now?

Hi yes quite common for bridesmaids to buy dresses etc nowadays my oldest when he got married him and wife paid for everything and my youngest getting married in 6 weeks small wedding everything is include no bridesmaids and no I definitely not cleaning up and if bridesmaids expect to clean what are the ushers doing. Not sure why they all agree to pay out expensive hen party they is a word call no. You know what they say give someone an inch and they will take a mile

One of my favourites was in the church where the couple lived. They bought in wonderful catering and wines. It was very relaxed and stylish..
another one was in a little village hall which we all decorated with flowers and we all brought home made food contributions...The bands were all friends and one included the groom.. This was a really budget wedding and full of joy and friendship..
they were both magical days and the couples are still together nearly 40 years later

Totally agree every expensive wedding we’ve attended has failed where as the ones done a budget have endured my own and my brothers included

Absolutely what a cheek to expect so much from her bridesmaids

I went to a budget wedding once, the bride wore a vintage dress, the groom nicely pressed shirt and trousers he already owned. No bridesmaids or anything but all her friends and workmates went along. She hired a hall and when we arrived we set about putting together a lovely meal from the boxes of supermarket shopping she had done earlier that day while she was at the registry office. The band played for free as they were friends and everyone brought a bottle. It was the best wedding I've ever been to, everyone pulled together and got to know each other. We stopped on to clear away afterwards as well. Presents were not expensive, nobody felt they were financially stressed. Her family could probably have paid for something very lavish but it would have excluded so many of her friends, particularly those from work. Years later, I remember that wedding, what I wore, her dress, so many details....

NotSpaghetti

Thinking of that keepingquiet I did go to a community hall wedding some years ago.
Everyone in the family and close friends brought the food, a friend made the cake, many of us stayed behind to tidy up and a few went back the next morning to do a "clean" in the daylight.

It was a really joyful event and it was a privilege to share that day with them.

We went to a really joyful community hall wedding too. The main part of the meal was catered (lovely cold meats) but the salads, side dishes and dessert were brought in. Quite a few of us went in the next day for the clean up.

When I married the first time, it was a few close guests, register office, and a few friends back at the house for drinks afterwards. And a very nice, colourful long gypsy style dress for me that wasn't very expensive. Hubby bought an off the peg suit that he could wear for work after. Second marriage (now of 40+ years) was much the same. All I wanted. Couldn't bear all the expense and fuss of a big fancy wedding!

If your daughter puts her foot down and says 'no' (and I think she should) Bumface. Then that will be 2 of the 5 bridesmaids that will have pulled out and at that point the other 3 may have a re think, and make Bridezilla do the same.

M0nica

One thing I have noticed as I have gone through life is that, with a few exceptions, there is an inverse relationship between the cost of the wedding and the durability of the ensuing marriage.

Very well put MOnica!😁

Bumface your daughter sounds like a lovely person.

As part of the bridesmaids duties, I wonder if they should find a pizza server then ask the mother if she would kindly budget for this. As part of the BMs duties, could they recruit and organize the groomsmen with a list of clean up duties? That way, they would still be gracefully taking care of things. The bride needs help alright.

The bride is not a close friend but she and my daughter go back a long way so my daughter feels obliged to go through with it. I gather they no longer have much in common.

They will have even less in common after this fiasco.
Tell your daughter to bail out now, while she still can 😣

We recently had a family wedding and the bride put on so many lovely thoughtful treats for her bridesmaids and page boys.
She wanted them all to enjoy her special day with her, and they did 🥰

Run child run. Run away and don't worry about some misplaced loyalty. You won't be thanked either way.

So do the groomsmen have jobs to do as well ?
I don’t think the prep and clearing up should be a BM duty . How will they have the time to set up and decorate the room and then get changed , do hair and make up etc and attend to the bride . Also serving drinks and food is not imo a BM job .
I’ve been to budget weddings and the guests went to the bar for their drinks and queued up for their food .
As the BM buying their dresses and shoes , that’s quite common now . The bride decides on a colour and the BM buy or hire their dresses . It saves the problem of a style not suiting some of the BM .
My DD is a BM this summer and the colour is a coppery brown . She’s found a dress at Zara and the BM have a WhatsApp group where they put photos of their dresses .

Waiting on guests and clearing up afterwards is not a traditional bridesmaid duty. Their duties are limited to the care of the bride and the MiL. Waitstaff should be hired and clean up can be volunteered by someone else, groomsmen?