"No one on their death bed ever said 'I wish I'd spent more time at the office'

Thank you - I have got a lot out of so many of the messages here - and Lydie, what a good reminder of what really matters!
Someone gave me the idea of asking advice from my future self - and it turns out to be a good way of seeing things in perspective, seeing what matters most. As so many people have said, it is about love in the end.

My mum always said no one had “I wish I’d spent more time dusting and cleaning my house on their grave stone”.
Many years ago I was talking to a group of old ladies who were all widows and every one said they wished they’d spent more time enjoying time with their husbands. One said her husband would say “come on let’s go out for the day” but she said say “todays the day I ‘do’ the bedrooms” so they wouldn’t go. She wished she could have that time back, “bugger the bedrooms” she said.

My husband died 19 months ago, 6 months after an unexpected and devastating diagnosis. We were lucky to have retired early (thanks to Cameron’s austerity programme) so had ten good years walking, looking after our grandchildren, 4 of whom arrived in 2 years and travelling. We’d both enjoyed our work, managed to save and pay off the mortgage so could live comfortably if not wealthy.

The diagnosis meant we knew his time on earth was limited. We spent time between hospital appointments doing the things we loved. The garden, walking the dogs, reading in the evenings together, cooking, lunch at our good local and most of all spending time with our children and their families, then with our friends]
His funeral was about love and in the end that’s all that matters. I know we were blessed with the ability to work, enjoy work, as well as bring up our family with love and happiness as well as all the stresses life chucks at us
But - it’s love that matters . It sustained us over the last 8 days of his life, when we were with him. It’s sustaining us as we continue to feel his absence in our lives 💙

I'm glad I've moved to be near my family, we had a lovely house before but lived two hours away and we decided it was more important to spend time with our family than living there.
Or did somebody on their deathbed ever say "I wish I'd lived in a nicer house"? I don't think so!

*biglouis

A few weeks ago I learned, from reading some things in my medical notes, that I have an end stage medical condition. (Nothing dramatic like cancer). Its managable (but not curable) with lots of blood tests, medication, hospital appointments and so on. I might live another couple of years.*

Is this medical notes related to your kidney?

Many people over the age of 80 fulfil the criteria of having chronic kidney disease due to their age, but the disease, in majority of the cases, does not progressed any further.

biglouis

I am thinking of the classic scene at the end of the movie Bladerunner where the artificial human (who was created with a deliberately short lifespan) recounts all the things he has said and done. Then "Time to die". And he dies.

A few weeks ago I learned, from reading some things in my medical notes, that I have an end stage medical condition. (Nothing dramatic like cancer). Its managable (but not curable) with lots of blood tests, medication, hospital appointments and so on. I might live another couple of years. I have a horror of hospitals and all that entails so I have refused all but pain management, as is my right.

I will end my life in my own way when I feel the time is right. In the meantime I have done what used to be called "putting your affairs in order" to make sure everything goes to my favorite nephew and that I have the cheapest and simplest cremation possible.

I love dealing in antiques and it has given me a lot of pleasure over the last 20 years, However Im gradually winding down my business over the next few months. I will be selling all my personal collections in auctions and my nephew can spend the money. He can live in my house or sell it, as he sees fit. No one ever owns an antique. You are just the custodian of it while its in your possession.

One day all my "stuff" will belong to someone else. And thats ok.

Time to die.

I enjoy reading your assessment of situations, many times different than mine but thought provoking. My father, too, felt University was for sons not daughters. It's lovely to read how far you have advanced.

You will be missed.

Biglouis I will keep you in my thoughts. Wishing the best for you.

I agree MOnica I don't relate to that poem one bit. I am who I am because of my life experience.

if I lived again I would live it just as I have lived this life, warts and all, I think I would even want to have dyspraxia and ADHD and the bowel condtion that made my childhood so difficult. they all contribute to making me who I am now,

Do it differently and I would not be me. To be honest that poem makes me feel rather queasy.

Just so.

I have suddenly remembered this poem - I hope others will like it too - and we might share it with the younger generation:

I’D PICK MORE DAISIES

If I had my life to live over,
I’d try to make more mistakes next time.
I would relax, I would limber up
I would be sillier than I have been on this trip.
I know of few things I would take seriously.
I would be crazier. I would be less hygienic.
I would take more chances.
I would take more trips.
I would climb more mountains, swim more rivers and watch more sunsets.
I would burn more gasoline.
I would eat more ice cream and less beans
I would have more actual troubles and fewer imaginary ones.
You see I am one of those people who lives
Prophylactically and sensibly and sanely,
hour after hour, day after day.
Oh, I have had my moments
And, if I had it to do over again, I’d have more of them.
In fact I’d try to have nothing else. Just moments,
one after another,
Instead of living so many years ahead each day.
I have been one of those people who never go anywhere
without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a gargle
a raincoat and a parachute.
If I had it to do over again,
I would go places and do things.
And travel lighter than I have.
If I had my life to live over,
I would start barefoot earlier in the spring.
And stay that way later in the fall.
I would play hooky more.
I wouldn’t make such good grades except by accident.
I would ride more merry-go-rounds.
I’d pick more daisies.

By Ray Lucht – 85 years old
Commission on Ageing for Senior Iowans

biglouis I cannot think of any words, All I can do is, metaphorically send

Most people I've been close to in their final few weeks have said they regret not making more time for fun.
Always did the expected, "right" thing, and they wished they sometimes hadn't.

Weeeeelllll, if they're on their deathbed because of skiving the office and catching an awful disease that happens to have put them on that deathbed.... yeah, I could imagine someone saying that 🤣

I'd be more focused on making sure my loved ones know that they are loved, and to not do whatever put me there if it was something stupid! Lol

V3ra

biglouis your spirit will live on in the antiques you have cared for. Part of a continuing history.

I love reading about your life and forthright opinions on here and would like to thank you for sharing it with us all.

Be at peace 🕊️

I echo the above, your nephew is very lucky to have you, and I am sure he has learnt alot from you.

biglouis your spirit will live on in the antiques you have cared for. Part of a continuing history.

I love reading about your life and forthright opinions on here and would like to thank you for sharing it with us all.

Be at peace 🕊️

I am thinking of the classic scene at the end of the movie Bladerunner where the artificial human (who was created with a deliberately short lifespan) recounts all the things he has said and done. Then "Time to die". And he dies.

A few weeks ago I learned, from reading some things in my medical notes, that I have an end stage medical condition. (Nothing dramatic like cancer). Its managable (but not curable) with lots of blood tests, medication, hospital appointments and so on. I might live another couple of years. I have a horror of hospitals and all that entails so I have refused all but pain management, as is my right.

I will end my life in my own way when I feel the time is right. In the meantime I have done what used to be called "putting your affairs in order" to make sure everything goes to my favorite nephew and that I have the cheapest and simplest cremation possible.

I love dealing in antiques and it has given me a lot of pleasure over the last 20 years, However Im gradually winding down my business over the next few months. I will be selling all my personal collections in auctions and my nephew can spend the money. He can live in my house or sell it, as he sees fit. No one ever owns an antique. You are just the custodian of it while its in your possession.

One day all my "stuff" will belong to someone else. And thats ok.

Time to die.

Retirement is the great reward for hard work all your life. I’ve never been happier knowing I have the freedom to do things everyday the way I want at the pace I choose - It might turn out to be just reading all day.

I have no regrets - even knowing I don’t have a lavish amount of money for my retirement, I make it work and I’m somehow happier than some of my rich friends.

My life’s work (all of it) was an education they don’t teach in school. I’m proud of my contribution in those fields.

Most of all - my friends and family are paramount. Cheers!

Anyway, how do we know that no one on their death bed ever said 'I wish I'd spent more time at the office'

For all we know quite number of people may have said just that in all kinds of ways for all kinds of reasons.

I'll be hoping I make a better job of it next time round

Many people have not said this when they're nowhere near their deathbed.

I think we would all like to know that we loved and were loved. This little poem says it all.

And did you get what
you wanted from this life, even so?
I did.
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved, to feel myself
beloved on the earth.
(Late Fragment by Raymond Carver)

Thank you for your reply Norah.

I won't regret not having spent enough time dusting.

What about people that had horrendous upbringings and the last thing they would want when they pass is to meet up with them again.
That worries me