My 4mo grandson cries relentlessly

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Primrose53

The baby who died was 9 months old. Far too old to be swaddled. Must be like being put in a strait jacket.

That is tragic Primrose

I never swaddled mine, it was recommended when DGS was born but I don't think DD tried it more than a couple of times. It seems unnatural.

I think swaddling was mentioned here before.

It is all over YouTube, with hints and tips and methods.

It was very definitely a terrible thing to do in the 80s, when I had my daughter.

The baby who died was 9 months old. Far too old to be swaddled. Must be like being put in a strait jacket.

I have read that baby massage can be helpful.
Some have the equivalent of indigestion, and massaging them in a particular was can help "untangle", and relax their insides.

Please come back Jewelrnca and let us know if you have tried using a baby sling/carrier?

What a tragic story Primrose.

I know someone who has built a successful business making baby slings. She has twins who needed to be carried a lot when they were babies so this was the result.
oschaslings.com

Swaddling was mentioned earlier. Last night I read the report about a baby girl who died in a nursery. She was swaddled and placed face down on a bean bag with a blanket over her
although the nursery worker claimed she did turn her face to the side. She was then left unattended for over an hour when she was discovered to be dead. From what I read she was much older than the suggested 4 months age limit for swaddling. Dreadfully sad story.

I babysat once at my house for a small baby who cried. He hardly stopped!
His parents phoned during a break in the wailing and I said everything was fine and that at last he was asleep.
He started up again and continued until they arrived when his crib sheets were damp from tears. I had put him in his bed by then.

This couple had put blankets up the wall as soundproofing in their terraced house.

Apparently this child needed less sleep than his poor parents.

They went on to have more children!

PaperMonster

Good idea re soother/dummy - they are recommended as they help prevent SIDS. Mine wouldn’t take one, preferring the real thing! But it’s worth a try.

I agree. One of my “screamers” wouldn’t take one or a bottle! She ended up being breastfed far longer than planned

Good idea re soother/dummy - they are recommended as they help prevent SIDS. Mine wouldn’t take one, preferring the real thing! But it’s worth a try.

I was a crier.
I was legendary for being the worlds most miserable baby.

The man in the flat upstairs had to get off his motorbike and wheel it home, in case it woke me, and if anybody said hello to me I would cry inconsolably for hours.
My mum said they almost called me Mona.

Unless the parents are against soothers!

I’ll probably get pilloried for suggesting this but have you considered a soother/dummy?
I had six babies and non had a soother, all breastfed, last baby till he was two and 3 months😏but I now have 13 grandchildren, some have soothers others not.
It’s what helps baby not be in pain that matters… and they all grow out of it, sooner or later, might be a life saver for you.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2005/jun/08/familyandrelationships.features10

According to this article babies in the advanced West cry far more than babies from traditional communities who are carried and never left to cry.

Please talk to the parents. I would have been deeply unhappy if my baby’s cries weren’t attended to. I would also try a sling. They need that closeness at such a young age.

Iam64

Attachment parenting is popular, baby carried in a sling with a parent most of the time. Leaving babies to cry it out is unpopular. I don’t see it as mollycoddling . I didn’t leave mine to cry and ‘learn to self soothe. I think they learn no one comes when they’re distressed, don’t see how that’s beneficial to the babe.
I’m unclear why you’ve not talked this over with your daughter and sil. That needs to happen, best of luck

This 👏👏

Jewelrnca, you must talk to the parents about this. If you upset them so what? It's their baby after all and they need to know. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells about something so important. You can't go on like this, you'll make yourself ill.

Some babies have a milk allergy
Some babies have a soy allergy (a problem if they have both)
Some babies are coeliac
Some babies have other undiagnosed problems.

It doesn't mean they won't reach their "milestones" but it might mean they are in pain, uncomfortable and miserable and cry a lot.

Some babies are perfect of course. One of mine was which was such a surprise!

My first baby was ^perfect;... IF she was in the baby sling or nursing.

I think you should just try to do what mum does. Put the little one in a sling.

Is the bottle containing breast milk? I assumed it is.

Iam64

MissInterpreted - I rarely left mine but baby 3 woke wanting a breast feed snuggle at 5 months, by which time she was on solids (good old days) . At 2 am after 3 wake ups I decided she was going in her own room, last breast abiut 7-8 pm when she went to bed. We agreed mr I would go in, not pick up but give verbal calm reassurance, maybe a stroke and leave her. 3 nights later she was sleeping through .
It’s all balance and the individual child I think

Definitely. Both of mine slept in their own rooms from day one, I must admit. Son wasn't so bad, but daughter was a terribly bad sleeper until she was around two, so much so that I honestly struggled to function at times, especially as I went back to work full time when they were both three months old. Looking back now, I've no idea how I did it.

Iam64

Attachment parenting is popular, baby carried in a sling with a parent most of the time. Leaving babies to cry it out is unpopular. I don’t see it as mollycoddling . I didn’t leave mine to cry and ‘learn to self soothe. I think they learn no one comes when they’re distressed, don’t see how that’s beneficial to the babe.
I’m unclear why you’ve not talked this over with your daughter and sil. That needs to happen, best of luck

I’m unclear why you’ve not talked this over with your daughter and sil. That needs to happen, best of luck

Yes, they need to be aware of what is happening and investigate the reasons.

Primrose53

Callistemon21

If kids are constantly fussed over or stimulated they are unable to settle by themselves

If you'd had to deal with a baby with colic, fretful in the day, screaming night after night, you wouldn't say that.

What? My firstborn was a screamer! The health visitor checked him out and could find no reason for his constant crying. He was breastfed, gaining weight, not sickly etc. he looked the picture of health.

We can laugh about it now but the first time my husband took him out by himself on a dog walk he screamed blue murder. People came out of their cottages nearby to see what was going on! He had been fed, burped, clean nappied etc.

My SIL had her first baby a month later and they could go anywhere and she just slept or gurgled. My SIL used to say she couldn’t cope with a crying baby and when we went out together with the babies it was very stressful as he was always crying.

We had many months of this and other checks by GP who said he could find no cause but fortunately the baby was very quick at reaching all his milestones and talked really early and the crying just stopped. He is such a quiet person to this day so still no idea what was going on.

Jolly good.

MissInterpreted - I rarely left mine but baby 3 woke wanting a breast feed snuggle at 5 months, by which time she was on solids (good old days) . At 2 am after 3 wake ups I decided she was going in her own room, last breast abiut 7-8 pm when she went to bed. We agreed mr I would go in, not pick up but give verbal calm reassurance, maybe a stroke and leave her. 3 nights later she was sleeping through .
It’s all balance and the individual child I think

I know times have changed and 'attachment parenting' is very much the in thing now, but I'm quite happy to hold my hands up and admit I left mine to cry it out. If there's no medical reason for the crying, I don't see anything wrong with leaving them to get on with it.