Scared of the motorway

I regularly drove from Cumbria to Wiltshire until I was 80, then I lost confidence too.
I'm 85 and will not use motorways again.
I know we've all lost confidence in the railways, but when they were running properly I used them regularly via Euston, across London to Waterloo and then across country to Wiltshire.
Depending on where you're going, Bristol may be your first destination.
Easy.
(but couldn't take much baggage as I had to carry it myself)
A bus takes all day, 12hrs plus!

I akways dislike joining a motorway in this country. When we lived in The Netherlands the traffic always allowed courteously allowed alternate cars to join. I coped with this as previous poster said by being sure I was fully up ro speed and then it is easy to tuck into a space

However, having been a passenger in a friend's car when she was side swiped by a foreign lorry on the M1, I panic on motorways these days. We mow travel on A roads, finding them more interesting. We went all the way from Hertfordshire to Wales, mostly on the A5 and treated the journey as part of the holiday. When one is retired, time is less important and the slow lane is pleasant. We have a satnav but OH hates it so I do as we always have, map read. I love maps! A couple of Ludites but happy. I no longer drive as my sight is so poor. I wish that I could.

Can you go with someone else, just for a short trip? Obviously not the sort of person who’s going to natter non stop and distract you - just someone who can say e.g. ‘Exit coming up in a couple of miles, perhaps move into the left hand lane soon…’.

I’m sure you’d soon realise that motorways are not as scary as you thought. (I’d still advise avoiding the M25 in the rush hour though - alas it’s one I need to use now and then.)

OP please don’t be embarrassed, if you don’t do something regularly then it does become scary . I disagree with those saying choose a non motorway route or take a coach or train . At only 62 I think you need to face your fears . And you can do it. Go early and stick to the nearside lane . Get Waze on your phone as it much more user friendly than google maps . It shows you which lane you need to get into and turn the volume up high . Check your route before you travel and check the exit numbers . I actually prefer long distance driving by myself as there’s no distractions and if I make a wrong turn or wrong exit, it’s not a big deal .
I agree with a few short breaks , Grab a coffee , use the loo .
Do you have any motorways near you that you could have a trial run?
I’m 64 and motorways don’t bother me. I live not far from the M25 and have to use it a lot to get anywhere in the uk.
I tune into a radio station and sing along , which is actually great for releasing tension .
Good luck and you can do it x

Bump

Granmarderby10

Choose a route to the destination that avoids motorways.
It could actually be more pleasant. Take your time.

Try driving from the Midlands to Cornwall without using the Motorway, that is not a practical journey in one day, the Lake District isn’t either.

If you cant drive on the Motorway best to make other arrangements.

Bump

I started suffering from panic attacks and became terrified of motorway driving. I used to plan routes using an OS map and came across some glorious places in the middle of nowhere! Drove past Dick Turpin's cottage - was it in Essex? Can't remember. Anyway, much more fun than endless miles of tarmac.

Granmarderby The problem is, that it rarely is more pleasant to use the non-motorway route, unless it is just 10 or 20 miles.

On several of our regular journeys, the cross country route may be shorter in miles, but is so much longer in time and hassle as we cope with traffic lights, being unable to get past very slow traffic like tractors and congestion in towns. We prefer to drive a longer route by motorway because the driving is easy and relatively hassle free and takes less time.

But to me dual carriageway/motorway driving is easier and less hassle than single carriage way roads

I am the same and use the route planner without motorways when planning a journey.

Choose a route to the destination that avoids motorways.
It could actually be more pleasant. Take your time.

I'm not sure in which way you are "bucking the trend".

There are lots of us who are very happy on motorways. I think many are just suggesting ways that the OP can overcome her fears.

I’m bucking the trend, because I really don’t see a problem.
Joining the motorway is simple - just get your speed up to that of lane 1, indicate and slip into a gap. Always drive in lane 1 except when overtaking.
I’d probably take a break on a 6 hour drive, but anything less, I’d do in one go.
Luckily, my daily driving is varied from country lanes to dual carriage ways, motorways and the City’s central motorway/bypass.
Like Cabbie21 I think an anxious driver can be a danger to themselves and other road users. A friend was told on a driving assessment that her licence was a privilege and entitled her to drive on any road and she ought to be competent enough to do so - blunt, but true.
It is wrong (IMHO) that new drivers are allowed on motorways without any practical tuition and I think after passing the driving test, an hours lesson, given by a professional, should be compulsory.
At only 62, a lot of people are still working and driving high mileages up and down motorways daily - I clocked up 62,000 miles in 3 years, taking the DDs to and from school, plus bring their social taxi!

I agree mostly, but on the other hand there are, dare I say it, some drivers who should not be driving at all. Younger and older. They are a danger to themselves and others. My father was a case in point. He did not think there was a problem but my mum and sister did. An older driver who has lost confidence and is slow to react might be wise to consider whether it is time to stop driving.

Rosie51

Years ago I was forced, by circumstances, to undertake a driving exercise I'd never normally have considered. The fact it had to be done, and only I could do it forced my trembling hand. It taught me so much about myself. That I am far more capable than I gave myself credit for, that I let fear restrict me unreasonably, that other's faith in me is fully justified, that to attempt that which frightens me only expands me. We most often limit ourselves, grow wings, fly. Unless you try you'll never know.

This is so true often as we age we think “it’s not for me “ but turn it around and “why not me”.

It may be daunting but You Can Do It.

Bump

The motorways in Glasgow go through the city centre and are always extremely congested, so you need to think so far ahead to be in the correct lane. I have seen so many near misses.
I don't know anyone, who doesn't hate driving there.

I would probably be O.K once I was out of that part of the motorway.

Motorways have never bothered me. I drive on them regularly and long distance. I find them much easier to drive on than ordinary roads, no oncoming traffic to worry about, clear signing and signalling and overtaking is so much easier when you can see the traffic behind you for minutes before you need to overtake.

The biggest mistake people make is notusing them egularly and building this big fear bubble round them.

I found after a long gap during COVID when all i did was the round trip to the supermarket, that i began to feel fearful about driving further, so I decided the only sensible thing to do was to get out and drive distances, on motorways.

We were going away for a week so I told DH we would go in my car and I would do all the driving. In that week I drove about 1,000 miles, on all roads and in all conditions. By the time we returned, told to drive from Lands End to John o' Groats, I wouldn't have batted an eyelid.

If you are scared of doing something , then the only solution is to keep doing it until you are not scared.

I would choose a quiet time of day or Sunday morning then plan a couple of stops on the way, taking your time does not work for me because you are amongst the trucks, So it’s 65-70mph where I can, motorways themselves are not a problem for me, but complicated junctions entering and leaving are not easy when you have impatient locals who know the layout overtaking on both sides.

There comes a time when we all loose our confidence, dont fight it, just say no and find a different solution, there always is one.

On a solo North/South journey I would have thought a long distance coach would work, and be cheaper than petrol

Bump

If you are already anxious and nervous before you are on the motorway, then you are a liability on it. At 76 I still enjoy driving but made the decision that motorway driving was no longer for me. It's a fast and busy environment and you need to have your wits about you at all times. In your shoes I would either plan my route avoiding motorways or better still go by train where you can relax, have a coffee, read a book or just watch the world go by. Far less stressful.

What is it that you are actually afraid of?

I find it much more scary driving on B roads where there is nothing separating me from the oncoming traffic except a line in the road.

I live in Germany and I'd rather take the autobahn than a back road any day.

I haven't driven on a motorway for years. Leaving Glasgow often means using the Kingston Bridge on the motorway, which terrifies me. There are so many lanes and idiots, who cross lanes at the last minute.
Years ago I had to drive across it in the morning rush hour to attend a course near Edinburgh. (I spent the whole time praying.) My muscles were so painful the following day from tension, I took the train to the course venue!

DH dislikes driving in town, the Clyde Tunnel and multiple lanes at Anniesland Cross don't phase me, but I have to keep telling him the correct lane, so we have an arrangement, I drive in town, he the motorway.

However, I do realise that I may have to force myself to drive in an emergency.

That's great advice NotSpaghetti. If you get too stressed, or too tired, there's usually a Travelodge or Premier Inn close to motorways, just build in the cost of a one night stay, pull off and reset after a night's break.

I think you will grow in confidence as you travel.
Motorway driving does need you to be alert but given that everyone is travelling in the same direction I don't think it's as terrible as you fear.
Take a sat nav or use your mobile and you'll get plenty of warning for junctions.

Motorway accidents happen mostly when changing lanes (you or others) and when joining/leaving the traffic - so just keep eyes open.

I'm some ways I think driving alone is easier as you have no external distractions and can make your own mind up about how long you need to stop for and whether you want to go on to the next services or not...

If you are just too weary by evening, if necessary you will just have to stop at a services in the motel. Not the end of the world.

Good luck.