We have many threads on GN from parents whose relationship with their adult children is not happy. Estrangement and abuse feature is a common feature in threads.
As a result I feel we give too little attention to the good things that happen when relations between parents and children work well and that now and again we should be able to express our delight and happiness when in some situation our adult children suddenly do something for us that is beyond the call of duty and I hope that those less fortunate will not grudge us this thread.
Here s my story. We have just sold our holiday home in France. After 33 years, it is now becoming a burden not a pleasure. The sale has gone well, we had planned the move of our belongings from the house in detail and everything was going to plan.
But everything hinged on the Easter week when DH and I would be there doing all the hard work of getting everything ready for transport to the UK, to local sales centres, to the tip. Including disassembling furniture, emptying bookshelves, emptying cupboards, carting stuff about; all physical hard work needing energy and stamina.
Six weeks before Easter, our DD rang us out of the blue to say that she and DS had been talking and they were both going to take a weeks leave at Easter to come to France with us to help us with all the hard work. Our 16 year old DGD was also coming and our DDiL and DGS were in complete agreement with them, although they would be alone in England over the Easter weekend.
And that is what happened - and we were so glad they had come. We had completely underestimated how much heavy physically demanding work was needed. But most of all, what has touched us both is that what they did was entirely done of their own bats from concern about us. We dropped no hints about needing help and from the organisational point of view we were entirely in control. But they saw what we didn't that both of us, but especially DH, hadn't the strength and stamina to do all that was needed.
We are all back home now and I am still overwhelmed by their generousity in giving us so much of their time off from busy jobs.
Now it is your turn to add the experiences you have had when your children have gone well beyond the path of duty to help you.
I have often bitten my tongue here on GN when I have been bursting to say how wonderful my family are. Especially my DiLs (I have 3 boys). It always seemed smug to say how lucky I am, with so many grandparents cut off from their AC.
This thread has brought tears to my eyes
Our lovely adult children often can be very trying, BUT do come up trumps when needed.
Never any estrangements, normal sibling rivalry, nothing spiteful or malicious, family “get togethers” happen around four times a year with us all together, but we all share a family WhatsApp group and keep in touch with those no longer living with us.
We have large age range from 40 down to 21 so interesting to see positive changes as they grow up a bit.
I always wanted a large family as an only child, and in this way at least I feel very blessed.
Sorry about the untidy ending. I should also add that my son’s in-laws have also been kind. I was included in their family meal at Easter. When I needed transport to a distant hospital they kindly took me. They refused any petrol money. M said “ It gave us an opportunity to do a kindness” . How lovely.
My son-in-law recently drove over to lend me his drill and stayed to put up the tricky curtain rail in the bay window - which is what I'd needed the drill for. The fixing points are only just about 20 millimetres (¾ inch).
He is a perfectionist and one of the few people who seems to think as I do about details.
It had to be put up with a couple of millimetres difference one side to the other so that it looked straight (we have a Victorian house with hand made mouldings/old plaster etc.) and it's perfect. It did take a long time - but I think it would have taken all day without his help. He didn't need to stay. ♥️
JackyB
I have often bitten my tongue here on GN when I have been bursting to say how wonderful my family are. Especially my DiLs (I have 3 boys). It always seemed smug to say how lucky I am, with so many grandparents cut off from their AC.
Same here. So now we have bee invited to sing their praises ,I will.
Our Three DDs and two Sons in law are wonderful. Always ready to help when they can and regularly in touch with messages and visits. Regardless of how busy they are.
We have at least one holiday with them all each year.
Of course we sometimes disagree with each other but are happy to agree to disagree.
We are so , so lucky.
Two lovely sons. The younger one is more demonstrative and always pops in when he can. He’s just been earlier and caught me dusting, he took the duster and did the high frames of the pictures.
Seeing elder one and family later, for postponed Easter, as they’ve been away.
My daughter was exceptionally kind.
She shopped for, and helped the people in the little road where she lived. (Even though they were less than kind to her at times)
She turned her car around and went back to the hospital where we had just spent almost ten hours, because my neighbour was in a panic about catching the bus.
She sponsored animals, children abroad, and contributed a huge amount towards her friends shopping each week.
She never judged anyone, always tried to consider others' feelings or issues, and all of her last texts to me were urging me to try and rest, and apologising for needing help.
She took my mum shopping, gradually doing more and more of it herself, without complaints, for over ten years, and cut mums grass for longer still. She called in to see my mums hairdresser, who was diagnosed with cancer, and ended up taking her for her chemo sessions, although she really didn't even know her that well.
She listened to a nurse who chose to confide in her while she was in hospital, and she tried to help other patients wherever and however she could.
She was funny, and feisty, loved animals, and people.
I couldn't be more proud.
My family DS and DD and their spouses are generally stars . I’m also so grateful they get on and have a strong bond.
Two years ago I had a hip replacement and was quite anxious about how I would manage for the first few days as I’m widowed and live alone . My DS arrived every morning the first week at 8 am to get my breakfast and make a flask of tea and I had “meals on wheels” provided by him each evening. Once I was independent and getting about he arrived with a lanyard so I could wear my mobile for emergencies. Not so grateful for that though!
Your daughter sounds really lovely MissAdventure, I’m sure many of us our counting our blessings that ours are still with us as we read your post.
Thank you.
I wasn't sure I would be able to write it out.
Glad I did now.
I remember your daughter MissAdventure. You must miss her so much. 
My 5 are fairly normal.
Mostly they are great - but sometimes a pain!
They have produced a heap of lovely grandchildren for us to love, they work hard and are brilliant parents.
However, we know they would be here at the drop of a hat should we need them. And, they know we are too should they need us.
I remember her too, MissAdventure.
She was a lovely person, a daughter to be very proud of.
Ah thank you.
Even her milkman cried when she died.
"Ah, she was a lovely kid!" He said.
My three offspring frequently come up trumps to help. I recently moved house but chose that moment to go into hospital. My new home was decorated and everything moved from one house to the new one while I sat with a rug o my knees! I can never thank them enough for all they have done and still do.
MissAdventure it's so nice that this kind thread has allowed you to write down what you wanted to say about your loving daughter. You should be very proud.
I have a mixture of AC and
All of my children are growing into good people with good morals and we rarely argue. It is a breath of fresh air after my home growing up
JackyB
I have often bitten my tongue here on GN when I have been bursting to say how wonderful my family are. Especially my DiLs (I have 3 boys). It always seemed smug to say how lucky I am, with so many grandparents cut off from their AC.
This thread has brought tears to my eyes
No, don't bite your tongue. It's not being smug. I wish we all could have happy experiences and I feel for those who don't, but Gransnet needs to see a balance of stories, not just problematic ones.
This is a lovely thread! I’m very blessed to have a wonderful relationship with both my girls and they would both be there if needed. I have a lot of friends and relatives, but they are my best friends.
I learned a lot about how to not be a mum from my own mum, I’ve obviously done something right!
MissA Your girl was a star 🌟 No wonder that you are so proud. 🥲 x
Our two sons and their wives are amazing too. Our older son texts several times a week to see if we are OK and if we need anything, when we said we were considering getting a gardener he said he would come for an hour a week to help, bearing in mind he has two teenage children and is getting to grips with being diagnosed with Type One Diabetes last year it was a very considerate thing to do and typical of him, we won’t take him up on it but the offer is there if we need it. Our younger son isn’t in contact as much as his brother as he is a man of few words like his Dad but he would do anything for us if we asked, before we changed our car three years ago he spent all weekend changing the brake pads on our previous car, that is just one example of what he has done for us. He is a service engineer and when he visits he always takes our cordless vacuum cleaner apart and gives it a good clean, he also offered to clean our cooker as it is beyond my capabilities now but we had it done professionally. Last Sunday he and our DIL asked us for lunch and our son did all the cooking and washing up because our DIL has breast cancer and lymphedema in her right arm and hand, he wouldn’t let me or his MIL help. We are very proud of the men and husbands and father our two sons have become and thank you Monica for enabling me to talk about our lovely sons and DsIL.
I’ve got 3 AC - they’re all good in their own way. Fortunately, I haven’t much of a ‘need’ for them. When I had a small operation a few years ago, they came up trumps. But on a day to day basis, I get on with my life and they with theirs. I see them fairly often, when invited 😂
A year ago, I was living with my DS1 and his wife, when I was waiting for the retirement flat I'd bought to be renovated. I had intended to be in a new flat well before that, but the negotiations were taking so long, and I could see no end to the seller's prevarications, so I gave up that purchase and bid for another which needed complete renovation. DS1 was immensely helpful in communication with agents and solicitors, with sorting our insurances and getting a trustworthy contractor on board to fix up the flat. He took me to the kitchen and bathroom showrooms and I'm so glad I took his advice - well, mostly! DS2 and his partner took me off their hands for a week or so as they live not far away, and were also very helpful with financial advice based on their own experience in employing contractors. His partner - an indefatigable gardener - helped me to create a lovely hanging basket for my flat. .The teenage DGC were a constant source of interest as was my wonderful adult DGD who made my year by presenting me with my enchanting DGGD. Since I've been settled in this retirement flat, DDS1 is a frequent visitor, on his way home from work and I can go for a weekend with the other family whenever it suits me - and them.
Oh Miss A
We have a holiday home and it is becoming a bit too much for us as we have a large garden and as it’s a 250yr old cottage, work and decoration is needed often. We have an odd job man who is brilliant but our 2 sons come up a few weekends a year and do everything that needed. Painting, clearing, gardening etc. . They enjoy working together and we take them to the local pub for a carvery. Always a joyous weekend. ❤️
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