Demanding neighbour

That sounds better Kate.
Lovely to see you posting again btw, 😊

You should place this into the hands of the POA couple who must be more closely connected with your elderley neighbour than you are?
This is a legal responsibility that they have taken on , right? They have a duty to deal with it I think.

To be fair, they had told her not to go upstairs in case she fell. She still went up. There is no need. Her bed is downstairs as is a shower room/toilet. She has a cleaner. They are telling her for her own good but she still went up.

Yes I realise that everyone. When my neighbour's husband died many years ago, this couple took her under their wing. Her husband had been an invalid for years. They took her on lovely holidays abroad and she saw places that she never woul have. She is grateful to them. She has no one else and they do make sure she has everything she needs. The woman is just quick tempered and probably fed up with looking after an old lady. They go in and have tea and cake with her every day. She has no one else. She is a lady who could test the patience of a saint. I'm pretty sure there is no abuse. The woman (carer) does a good job but my neighbour is obviously afraid to upset her in case she stops helping her.

I would be concerned that the woman is being manipulated, possibly with a view to leaving her estate to the couple. It’s not normal for someone to be so afraid of someone who helps them.

I feel that too welbeck.
Elder abuse?

is that really a helping relationship?
sounds like she is in fear of that woman.
that's not right, however helpful they seem.
i would have concerns about that.
maybe they are dominating her, making her rely on them, and manipulating.

My neighbour is looked after by a couple over the road who are about 80 ish. They take her to appointment s etc, make sure she has everything she needs etc but the woman is very shouty and snappy with her at times.

Today's call to us was because she had been upstairs (the woman told her not to in case she fell). She had knocked the bathroom blind and one of the slats had come down. She was frightened that this woman would see it and she would get shouted at. It was nothing. I fixed it but was told to make sure I hadn't moved a towel, that the blind was closed, the door was only ajar a few inches as this woman would know she'd been up there.

The couple with POA are very nice and also concerned. Next time I catch them I'll try to pin them down for some sort of action.

This is potentially a safeguarding issue so Adult Social Care are the people to contact.

Sadly this is not unusual as some people get older they become very selfish.

It is unfair to expect neighbours to get involved.

An “aunt” of my husbands was very demanding, we would do a 40 mile round trip to move something in the garden.

I once spent a whole day with her cleaner and daughter scrubbing her filthy house, when she got back to a sparkling home 9 hours later she got angry because we had thrown some 10 year old newspapers away, it was so bad we wore face masks, she had never allowed her cleaner upstairs.

She cultivated a couple in the village who madly ran around for her, as a childless widow her estate was sizeable, the poor couple were promised the earth and got nothing!

I certainly wasn’t in it for the money, I was just wanted her to be able to have a home clean enough to let social services in so she could get a care package and hopefully take the pressure off us helpers.

By the time she was admitted into a home she had fallen out with just about everyone who tried to help her.

When my neighbour rang today, she asked for my husband. I told her he was out. She said 'Of all the days to choose to go out, he chose today.' Unbelievable. He didn't choose to go out, he had an appointment. No good explaining that to her. She doesn't listen and is very self centred.

Perhaps a stomach bug lasting a week or so might prove useful for you 2.

The more you dance to her tune the more tunes she will play.
Don’t engage with her requests, tell the people who have POA and leave it with them.
She sounds like a master of manipulation who has probably done this for a good part of her life.

A POA for health and welfare can only be used if the person no longer has mental capacity.
You could ask the local authority adult social services to make a welfare check.

Speak to adult social services, speak to the people with POA and then let her know through a note and maybe over a cuppa that you won’t be able to help her in future so not to ask. I’d say unless it’s an emergency, but I suspect even small things would seem like an emergency.

It’s very sad, but it sounds like she really isn’t safe in her own home.

Oh Aveline I feel your pain. I've just had a right palarver with my 96 year old next door neighbour. It's too long winded to go into but dear me it was hard work!

Ring your local council. I also live in a bungalow and I’m youngest of all our neighbours only lived here 6 months and get a lot of what you getting. One had a fall other week when I was away and her son said did you not pop round and I kindly pointed out to him I’m neighbor not carer and it’s his mum not mine. She was always on the phone for one thing or other. he only came once a week for his 30min visit I ended up calling council for advice as she was opening her door and leaving it open shouting at strangers etc but she is in a care home now

I think you should stop feeling guilty. Your neighbour is not your responsibility. She has refused carers yet expects you to sort out her problems.
It sounds as though she has no family as the couple you mention have POA.
It's really up to them to sort out her problems not you. I realise it's hard on them but they have taken on that burden.

Adult care Social Services will come out if you ring them.

Can you contact the couple who have poa to say what you've said here? It sounds like it's time for them to put poa into action.