New relationships when your children are young

My husband died when our daughters were 5 & 7, with school
homework, school parents evenings, Brownies then Guides, sports clubs, fun time the three of us together, new relationship ? no and no regrets

There are no 'rules' here. What works out for the best depends on three things, individually and together: the new partner, the mum and the child(ren).

I have a relation who split from her husband when their child was 2/3.
The child had many “uncles” and eventually 3 stepfathers!
The child was very damaged.
I do however feel that it’s not right for someone to put their life on hold for the children.
I guess the answer is to only introduce your child the the new partner when you’re sure.

I was one of those who said that. Childhood goes by so quickly and I just can’t understand why people leap into another (often not good relationship) with no thought for their kids.

I outlined the problems one niece is having but on the other side of the family is another niece whose parents split when she was just 12. Within days a new man had moved in and she then spent the years until she left home at 19 not ever being in the same room as him, never speaking to him etc. those years were miserable for her and she developed a serious eating disorder.

Kids don’t want to take sides and obviously she didn’t want to upset her Mum so she just kept quiet and took her meals to another room. She told me none of this until she left home but if she had I would have taken her in. Poor girl had 7 years of feeling unloved and unable to share it with anyone.

I suppose in a lot of cases Dinahmo the new partner is the result of an affair and the very reason for the marriage ending.

In any event, I agree with your sentiments. My first husband left me for another woman when my son was 2. I didn't have the time or inclination to contemplate another relationship until my son was 16 when I met the man who became my second husband.

If he had not accepted my son or there had been undue friction, my son would have come first. We were in fact together for 26 wonderful years until he died quite suddenly in 2016.

I fully agree Dinahmo. When my marriage broke up 20+ years ago, I was young enough to waltz off with someone else. Their father did. But, my priority was my children. I don’t regret it one bit. Having said that, I won’t criticise any one who does move on and finds happiness. For various reasons, i felt it wasn’t the right thing for me and my children.