Should guests dictate the menu?

I do cater for their needs. I provide a table, an internet connection, a loo, light and heating - those are the needs of the meeting.

I also provide refreshments, as extras. I am not objecting to that as it is my choice to do so, but to the way that some of them ask for things that were not offered, as though they were in a cafe.

These are not employees, they are not family, and they are not even friends. They are casual acquaintances who use the same venue as I do, and we are on a committee as a result. Their needs are catered for, as above. I don't know their wants or preferences - why would I? If someone wanted a plate of chips am I supposed to get up and fry them? Lobster? Dom Perignon instead of water?

Would people expect a man to do this?

Doodledog

I do cater for their needs. I provide a table, an internet connection, a loo, light and heating - those are the needs of the meeting.

I also provide refreshments, as extras. I am not objecting to that as it is my choice to do so, but to the way that some of them ask for things that were not offered, as though they were in a cafe.

These are not employees, they are not family, and they are not even friends. They are casual acquaintances who use the same venue as I do, and we are on a committee as a result. Their needs are catered for, as above. I don't know their wants or preferences - why would I? If someone wanted a plate of chips am I supposed to get up and fry them? Lobster? Dom Perignon instead of water?

Would people expect a man to do this?

No vegetable lasagne? 😲

Is this part of Doodledog's post being missed by so many?

My house was being used for a meeting - a committee-type thing that I belong to. I live nearest to the organisation's venue so people can easily get here if they park there, so I offered the use of a room once a month. I only know the attendees from the meetings, and an occasional chat in the venue - we all go at different times and for different reasons.

She is doing them a favour by making her dining room available to facilitate easy access for the meetings. Yet so many still think she should act as if they are being invited to a 'coffee morning' . Providing the space is generous, yet some think she should incur the expense and inconvenience of providing a menu of food and drinks to cater for varied fancies. Perhaps the committee members would like to take it in turns to host the monthly meets and cater in their turn for all the varied wants, no I thought not.
The entitlement in some of the replies beggars belief!

I took so long typing you'd made the point much better Doodledog

No vegetable lasagne? 😲

I'd planned to, but couldn't decide between organic or allotment-grown veg and cow's milk or plant-based. I considered doing some of each until I realised that pasta isn't gluten-free.

Thanks, Rosie.

Doodledog

*No vegetable lasagne? 😲*

I'd planned to, but couldn't decide between organic or allotment-grown veg and cow's milk or plant-based. I considered doing some of each until I realised that pasta isn't gluten-free.

🤣🤣🤣

Would people expect a man to do this?

No. People like you describe would no doubt expect his wife to do it... 🙄🤦

Well if we can demand champagne, whatever brand, I’m definitely coming to the next meeting

Doodledog

*No vegetable lasagne? 😲*

I'd planned to, but couldn't decide between organic or allotment-grown veg and cow's milk or plant-based. I considered doing some of each until I realised that pasta isn't gluten-free.

Ah, yes, you can buy gluten-free pasta including lasagne sheets, we had some last week 🙂
Home-grown organic, please

For a meeting such as Doodledog's tea, coffee and maybe squash (for those who want a cold drink) is fine I would think.

I invited an acquaintance to dinner and ask them what they couldn’t eat so I accommodate their intolerances. I was told that they don’t eat dessert and would prefer a fruit salad! Mug that I am I made a dessert, as there 5 others at the dinner, as well as fruit salad for 4 in case others wanted some. When I bought out dessert and fruit salad, acquaintance insisted they had a piece of that and not the fruit! The fruit had cost a fortune and as we are not home much for meals at the moment I had to give it away. Last time I cater to people’s preferences. Intolerances yes, preferences-bring your own food.

If I invite people and they don't tell me that they are vegetarian and then , complain through the meal it's annoying .
I routinely prepare some dishes which are OK for them now . And then , when it turns out that they are vegan - I do feel exasperated .

A couple of my Cockney friends would tell them to stuff it !
Literally !

Doodledog

*No vegetable lasagne? 😲*

I'd planned to, but couldn't decide between organic or allotment-grown veg and cow's milk or plant-based. I considered doing some of each until I realised that pasta isn't gluten-free.

That made me spit out my tetleys tea with semi skimmed cows milk 🤣

I'm a meat eater, I'm going to my daughter's for Christmas dinner. They are all vegans or vegitarians, she said if I want some meat would I please bring it myself but I am always happy to eat whatever is provided for me.

If they wanted snacks and party food, I would suggest everyone brings something - saves hassle and cost

If I invite people for a meal, I ask whether they are allergic to anything, are vegetarian, or have religious requirements concerning food. Anything else would be inconsiderate in my opinion.

If people come for coffee - then that is what they get. When people came, it is not so likely to happen now, for meetings, they were offered coffee or tea. As I am not a tea drinker, tea meant Earl Grey in tea bags. If anyone didn't like either my coffee or my tea they could decline the offer, or ask for a glass of water.

I would never dream of keeping three or four varieties of something I never drink myself in the house.

I have noticed over the years that if people only drink one kind of tea they usually bring tea bags with them and ask for a mug of boiling water. That I am happy to provide.

Easybee, why do gf biscuits get wasted? Surely, like all biscuits, they're perfectly edible for non-gf people?

I have an allergy to dairy which is fairly severe so always have soy, oat or almond milks but realise not everyone has them in their fridge so a fruit tea is a fab option for me 🍋

Was taught to eat what I was given and say it was lovely.
I expect the same from my guests. I’m not a tea drinker and prefer decaf instant coffee, if I’m offered tea of course I drink it.
Manners today are lost. I do find the older my friends become, the more entitled and fussy they appear.
I now say sorry it’s only coffee, would you prefer water. I’ve stopped trying to accommodate the tea and fruit tea brigade. I have one friend who brings her own fruit tea. I tell her where to find the kettle. We all get along well but my friends have become self centred and precious.
My house, my rules. ( well for this week! Can you tell I’m in a mood?)

I think that if it is possible for you to eat or drink what is offered you shoud gracefully accept. Yes, even if you would prefer something else. If it's not possible for you to join in, like if you have severe allergies or religious rules, you should still be polite and not demand something else. You can perfectly sit out a meeting without food- unless of course your hosts offers to serve you a different snack or beverage. As for full meals : even of you are a meat eater you can still eat a vegetable lasagna, I really don't see the problem . You can always have your meat when you come home?

I sometimes get the feeling that people think they are in a restaurant when invited to someone's home for a meal. I have been asked for a latte when serving coffee, whole grain bread and raspberry-lemonade.

No, but I take dietary requirements and any known likes and dislikes into account (GF, Diabetic, Dairy intolerant etc) I want my guests to be comfortable
As for OP I would always offer tea as an alternative to coffee and decaf coffee (I tend not to bother with decaf tea, never see the point) but there’s always a selection of herbal/Rooibos etc available.
Cake or biscuits?
They should be so lucky. If I offer one and they ask if I have the other, a simple “No” should suffice.

Jess20

Easybee, why do gf biscuits get wasted? Surely, like all biscuits, they're perfectly edible for non-gf people?

No biscuits would ever get wasted here.
Like “leftover wine” I don’t understand the concept.

I'm dairy intolerant but I don't expect to be provided with my oatmilk. I either drink black or bring a little container with me. As for food, when asked, as I know it's hard work as milk is in most processed foods, I tell people not to worry. I will sort myself out. I usually bring a dairy free snack with me.