God makes work for idle hands.

So sorry to hear of your traumatic childhood. You definitely need to shed those feelings because it will do you no good to hang onto them. First, does your husband know about your childhood, specifically the things you mention? If not then maybe you need to tell him about it and how it makes you feel. Either way, you need to have a conversation so he knows where the land lies. That means when he sees you lounging around relaxing you BOTH know what is going on, which is that you are dealing with PTSD from your childhood. Once you've had a clear conversation about this there should be no need to keep explaining what you're doing because he will know that this lounging around is your therapy time. That's how I see it anyway. Hope your husband is an understanding person so you can make him understand.

Bodach sorry you’re quite right!
I got it wrong! The devil makes work for idle hands!

I was just like that Sago, sadly my husband didn’t live long enough to retire, we had such plans. When the time comes I dare say you will have lots of lovely plans to do things together.

I've never heard of that expression being framed as "God makes.." - but always as "The Devil makes work for idle hands". Which seems to me to be a great deal more logical. Anyway - perhaps you can use the fact that your mother always got this the wrong way round to help rid yourself of these bad memories and start putting your feet up as and when you wish.