Putting babies to sleep in thir cots .

I would never have expected a baby would "learn" how to put themselves to bed by removing their security. This is not "a big mistake"- it's a parenting/caring choice.

My parenting choice was to stay in contact with them (which may only mean sitting close by).
My sister-in-law put her babies to bed and let them cry till they "learned" to "self-soothe" because (basically) nobody was coming.

(Not a criticism of your choices Floradora9 as I note you said you didn't let babies cry.)

I don't regret being a "hold the baby" kind of mother, and like the foster parent in your book wouldn’t want to change.

I don’t think that social workers should be telling people what to do - suggesting maybe, but there are many ways to bring up babies. If it is a short-term placement maybe the baby needs consistency, but I often rocked mine to sleep in my arms. I put them to bed awake when they were old enough but if they were unhappy I comforted them. I felt that (as nightowl suggests) that ignoring a crying baby is cruel - they are communicating distress and are helpless. It’s up to the adults in their lives to help them. When they can understand speech you can explain that you are just downstairs (or whatever) but a baby won’t understand that.

Absolutely agree with you Calipso and as a social worker myself I cannot agree with the social worker’s advice. All babies, but especially those who have experienced trauma, need help to form strong attachments and this can only be done through close contact with carers.

Would such a baby learn to settle themselves, or would they just learn not to cry because nobody comes? These babies have probably already learnt that and it is far from healthy.

If that was the worst thing I had done when raising children I would consider myself a parenting genius.

In most situations where a very young baby is removed from the birth mother and cared for by foster parents, something has gone very wrong in that baby's short life - risk of physical abuse, emotional neglect, substance abuse. These are the very babies that absolutely need all the loving and safe connection possible.

What suits, I often got mine to sleep then laid them down, they’re all healthy adults with well adjusted grown up children of their own
No one way when it comes to babies in my opinion especially if you’ve got poor sleepers