So upset here .......

Luckygirl, I'm sending thoughtful hugs to you. We have recently had a suicide attempt by a nephew (in his 30's); he has been discharged from hospital, but I don't know much about his mental health care plan.

I think the best thing is to be a sounding board and shoulder to lean on for your family. They have to be chin up and positive for their daughter, but need the time and place to let go of their worries. I don't know how often you see your GD or her parents.

I know when I talked to my SIL she vented her frustration about her sister , who was always calling, wanting to visit, bring food, wanted to do something. We all react differently in a crisis, and sometimes there's nothing you can do but be an ear and a shoulder to lean on. My nephew has let his family know he is not ready to see anyone else, so we have to respect that.

The road ahead will be a slow and bumpy one, but it's good that you be along with them all.

Wishing you all well Luckygirl
Just to add that it is very common in the teenage years. Often a cry for help . Thankfully she's ok.

I took an overdose aged 15 . Looking back I think it was a kind of breakdown. I had had a traumatic childhood and was always quiet and well behaved but became angry with the world in my teens. I was lucky that a relative took me to stay with her for a while afterwards. Her home was a haven of peace. She taught me to knit and made a bit of a fuss of me.
No counselling in those days

Your poor family must be reeling with shock.
Do you think it would help to write your granddaughter a letter telling her how precious she is to you, and ask her if there is anything she thinks would help?

At the moment we are all standing back but being available. \I do not think it would help for us all to pile in and offer opinions - they just need to know we love them and are thinking of them. I have sent her a message just to say sending love - we often text each other. And of course the same with her Mum - we have all sent loving messages. I find it hard to think of my own DD suffering so much, as well as my DGD - and my other AC.

I am hoping that I will hear some more before the day is out - but I do not want to be hassling them with messages - they just need to know they are in our hearts.

If she can just get past the possible physical results of the drugs, then they can tackle the other problems - though heaven knows we have all been trying to do so for so long. This wretched Crohn's was the last straw. It is so hard to settle on a treatment that works - it sometimes takes years.

Your poor GD has a lot to bear so sending her a big hug and hopes that she will get some treatment soon.
My GD is the same age and I can understand how upset you must feel.

How devastating for you all, Luckygirl3. I do hope the poor girl will now get the help she needs. 🙏

How is she today Luckygirl? I hope she (and you all) had a good night's sleep.

We are awaiting results of today's blood tests - they were improving last night. It makes be feel quite ill to think she was that desperate - but I can understand it - no proper joined up care for her mental health problems or her Crohn's. It has been like banging head against brick wall. I have told DD not to let them discharge her till a proper mental health assessment is done and some sort of plan put in place - but it is a Sunday .....

Tell your daughter to persist she has a proper assessment if there are no Dr's around today there will be tomorrow. She as you rightly point out needs a full care package.
Don't go blaming yourselves. I do personally know of a case very similar that went horribly wrong. We don't always know our children and grandchildren as we think we do.
I hope you all get the help and care you all need.

How very sad. I do hope she will improve and get the help she needs.

If she's prescribed medication get a pharmacist to check compatibility between any antidepressants/anxiolytics she may have prescribed and any Crohn's meds. In my experience sometimes different specialties prescribe meds without considering other meds prescribed by another specialty.

So sorry to hear this Luckygirl.

Your poor g.daughter must have felt so desperate. So very sad. Do not make her feel guilty by this action. Hopefully, she will get good tratment for Crohns, it is a horrible illness,, specially for one so young, but there is massive knowledge and research and medication.

Hopefully, her family are all okay with her gender dysphoria and trreat this with all respect. Many local Pride branches have special meeting nights for teenagers and also for families - could be worthwhile finding out about those.

Luckygirl it must be so devastating for you. Stay strong both for this young person and also for their parents, they must be so shocked and unsure of everything. Few parenting manuals contain chapters on this.

Have a look at Papyrus...a charity but possibly a good link for mental health support and their focus is young people, I think under 30.
I can't imagine what you are going through as a family.
My thoughts are with you.

Oh, Lucky, I am desperately sorry to hear your darling DGD reached such a low point. My heart goes out to her with so many battles to deal with.
I sincerely hope with the love and support from her family alongside the medical care she needs, help her to come through the worst of times. ♥️ I do hope all medical staff caring for her have heard her cry and address her needs.

My own 18yr old DGD is now back on her feet since MH issues began 2yrs ago which affected all of us so I understand what you are going through.
I wish all of you strength and love.

Thank you for all kind words and helpful suggestions. They are appreciated.

for you and your family Luckygirl.

Thinking of you and the whole family at this difficult time. Support for older teenagers is so hard to come by and your GD has so much to contend with. Hope that this time the NHS does its job properly and a plan is agreed to take her forward.

Oh the poor girl!!
I do hope she gets whatever help she needs, and very soon!
Huge hugs to her and to you and your family, Luckygirl3. xx

How is your granddaughter now luckygirl?

Thank you for the kind messages. She is home now - the worrying blood markers of kidney problems suddenly halved and they have let her home.

She did see the psychiatrist before she left, who said she should go for private counselling - I have no words. We are lucky enough to be able to support this - what happens to those who cannot? I think I know. They just sink again. It is a disgrace.

The hardest thing for us all to get our heads round is the feeling of having failed her and allowed her to get to such a point where she could see no way forward. I am no clearer now as to what we might do. She is surrounded by love; but that cannot take away her troubles. She is having to contend with a very serious life-long illness, as well as her other difficulties - and the help she has received has sadly fallen short. The services are so disjointed and slow.

I am grateful for your kind support during this unfortunate situation.

As she's on the autism spectrum be very careful what sort of psychological help you find for her. One who wants to talk about feelings and emotional aspects might actually make things worse. Cognitive behaviour therapy is more concrete and has been found to be much more useful for autistic people. I do hope your family can find just the right support for her.

Hope everything turns out well, Luckygirl. Just let her know how much you all love her and that she can always talk to you no matter what about or when. It is hard for a young one with a chronic illness, are there any support groups around perhaps ?

It's when you find out that there's little or no support available (without years on a waiting list) unless you can afford to go private - no safety net. Here we are, in a rich country, where the general voting population don't want to pay enough tax to support a good, effective service - just shameful.

Any young person, anywhere, can suddenly fall into despair or depression, even without any apparent problems. So the 'feeling of having failed her' is unjustified.

Please don’t beat yourself up about not realising how bad your gd was feeling. You say she is surrounded by love and she will know that.
Sometimes people’s feelings overwhelm and they just can’t deal with them , at that moment.
Carry on loving and supporting her and given time and good therapy all will be well.