Reading daughter’s diary 25 years on and the consequences

I did keep a diary in my parents house but it was written in shorthand - Gregg not Pitman. My parents would never have been able to read it. I remember my nosy mother opening a letter sent to me by a BF in Morocco and she was really frustrated because it was in French. She tried to get my sister to translate it but she had only learned Spanish! I still keep a page a day journal and have them going back 20 years but my handwriting is very difficult to read.

I don’t think I’d read it. We had some difficult periods and I don’t doubt they’d be recorded. I’d certainly burn it if I found it.
We now get on really well and hopefully these times are what she’ll remember. If she found it after I’ve gone, she’d probably think I had read it and would have to live with the guilt of how unhappy it would have made me.

Yes ‘Theexwife’ you are correct my punishment is I have to keep this to myself.

I never read my daughter's diary, never, because my mother read mine, and would comment jokily on what I had written. Nothing bad, but it was personal, and it made me sly and secretive where she was concerned. No matter where I hid it, and the stories wot I wrote, she would find them, so I stopped writing , and the world lost a great author. Possibly.

Both went to university, have careers and skills - you did a good job!!! x

I would not have read it, most teenage girls go through a period of angst where everything is the mother's fault. I would not say anything, she will never trust you again and could cause estrangement. I suppose your punishment for reading it will be that you have to keep it to yourself.

I stay logged in here therefore when I die my daughter will be able to read everything I have written, but I am certain she will respect my privacy.

The diary was written such a long time ago!

A different time, age, circumstances, etc.

Nothing good can come up if you bring it up to her

Thank you all for your wise and thoughtful comments.

Should have said we missed 3 grandchildren growing up. Even writing about my father in laws diaries unsettles me.

Unfortunately after reading someone’s diaries you can’t get it out of your head. I sling with my husband read his fathers daily A4 diaries after he passed last year. They lived quite a distance from us and when we took early retirement and both of his parents were frail we up sticks and moved within 5 miles where we remained for 7 years till she died in 2020 and we subsequently bent over backwards to look after him till Aug 22. Moving there isolated us from our growing family. We missed 3 children grieving up from babies to first day at school which now was a high risk and moving I regret. However, we did everything and when we had to clear his home we found the diaries. We were called all the names under the sun, comments about not supplying enough meals and snacks, not quick enough to buy his alcohol and moans about us missing a days visit. He never paid us for anything I was shocked and it made me feel sick. It was also clear to us he favoured his daughter over his son and supplied her with large sums of pocket money but we had nothing like that and she would only visit once every 2-3 years!! Sorry to go on but I would recommend don’t ever read someone’s diary.

All teenagers think everything is their mothers fault, I would try not to dwell on it. I'm sure she realises now how unreasonable she was

She trusted you enough to aim her criticisms at you as she knew you wouldn't reject her. You've done well don;t mention this to her at all

Lemsip, I appreciate your view but what's done is done . Telling her daughter will only cause distress for both of them - and what good will that do ? I also believe that most mums in that position would read the diary - not expecting to read a tirade against them . 123ish feels bad enough without being reprimanded!!

I wouldn’t have read it, not because I’d have thought it was necessarily wrong, after all, she could have burned it.
It would be self preservation that stopped me, best to leave the past in the past.

Don't feel bad out reading the diary, it's what most mums would do !! I think you are very wise not to tell her you have read it! All this stuff was written a long time ago - so leave it where it belongs, in the past. You obviously gave your daughter the best upbringing possible so rejoice in that. If I questioned my daughters I hope they would recall a happy growing up ............ however they may view those year through their own eyes! Don't feel bad , don't regret reading the diary. Your DD obviously has a few issues regarding her upbringing but most AC have. She doesn't know you read the diary, in your position I would keep it that way. Please don't stress about this , make yourself a cuppa and relax !!

just do not tell her you read it! You should not have done that.

I understand that you must be so upset, it will have been horrible reading all that criticism. Don’t forget she was a teenager and teenagers can be difficult and may I say often unappreciative of parents in general.
Perhaps best not to tell her you have read it. I found my rather spikey daughters diary in the loft too but didn’t read it as I knew it wouldn't be full of love and appreciation.
I am sorry, try not to let it hurt too much. Teenagers eh? P

Teenage angst – and that's what the diary is – is not worth getting upset about now, 123ish. Put it behind you. I really don't think you need to feel devastated.