Hen/Stag dos

A couple of friends from work took me out for a quick drink before I got married in 1975, and my husband went out for a drink with his best friend. That was it!
My DIL had a hen do on a boat on the Thames (around 2009), along with about 20 other wedding groups. It was horrendous, dreadful wine, cheap beer, drunken stags and hens everywhere.
My neice has been abroad on many hen dos, she must have spend thousands of pounds - I just don't see the point.

Callistemon21

Why are women's bridal parties called hen parties and men's called stag parties?

Stags - magnificent, haughty, in charge

Hens, clucking busily around the farmyard then being hustled along by the cockerel!

Time the name was changed 😁

Possibly because they don't want to call them cock parties (where they will talk a lot of bull) ?

57 years ago went out for a drink with a few friends for my hen party, which was shared with a friend who was getting married 2 weeks before me. There is no way we could have afforded an elaborate "do".

My hairdresser tells me about the Hen & Stag do's her and her partner get invited to plus the wedding. They are not having much of a holiday this year with their little girl, due 2 weddings and all the extras involved. I think it has put them off getting married. My Hen do was a night out with friends at Cinderella Rockerfella's night club in Leeds, back in 1972 when Pete Stringellow was the DJ.

Can't understand the need by some for all the expensive hen dos and the lavishly costly weddings especially when couples have been living together for years.

My ex had a stag do and I understand got very drunk, but other than that no great ill effects or consequences. Back then few people had hen nights and I certainly didn't.

I've only been to one. My DiL had one and it was lovely, low cost and tasteful. It was held in a church hall next to the home of the chief bridesmaid who's father was the local vicar. DiL's mum and myself were accommodated in comfort in the vicarage while all the youngsters slept on camping airbeds etc in the upstirs of the church hall. We had a treasure hunt in the grounds, played some silly games and sewed bunting for the wedding. In the evening we went for a meal in a local restaurant. It was a fun occasion and an opportunity to meet some of her friends and get to know her mum better.

I don't see the need for such an occasion to be extravagant or costly - it can be done very cheaply with the right planning. I'm very thankful that my DS chose a bride with sensible values whose family and friends also share those values.

grandtanteJE65

To my mind the generation getting married today are generally speaking wasting a lot of money on the kind of wedding you see in Hollywood's most romantic films.

All right if the couple, or the bride's parents are super-rich, but honestly blowing the amount of money that could well form the down-payment on a house on wedding dress, reception, honeymoon, and hen and stags dos is ridiculous,

Especially as most of today's marriages are unlikely to last a lifetime.

Grumpy old woman's view of the younger generation.

Different values.

Times change, many don't wish to save and prefer experiences.

To my mind the generation getting married today are generally speaking wasting a lot of money on the kind of wedding you see in Hollywood's most romantic films.

All right if the couple, or the bride's parents are super-rich, but honestly blowing the amount of money that could well form the down-payment on a house on wedding dress, reception, honeymoon, and hen and stags dos is ridiculous,

Especially as most of today's marriages are unlikely to last a lifetime.

Grumpy old woman's view of the younger generation.

The current form of the hen and stag do may date to the 1970s, but the stag do dates well before then. I have seen references to it happening decades before then.

The difference was that it wasn't the raucous do it is seen as now. The groom would just go out to dinner or for a drink with his best man and a handful of close male friends the night befor the wedding, celebrating his last night of 'freedom'. As women were meant to see marriege as their highest achievement in life they were considered to be merely changing hands from the control of their father's to the control of their husband's.

I thought hen and stag dos were an ancient tradition but most websites date their origins to the 1970s.

If anyone has been to an Indian or a Turkish wedding they will have seen that these start several days before the actual nuptials with lots of lavish ceremonies where the bride and groom are celebrated in single sex parties and traditional rituals and given beautiful clothes and there is fantastic food and dancing.

Western girls probably just wanted a slice of that.

On googling the subject, I came across the theory that the "hen" name came from the traditional painting of the hands and body with henna, which many Eastern traditions practice. I was at an Indian wedding where a specialist artist came and painted the bride and many of the female guests the day before. The men had had separate celebrations. The groom was a Sikh and he had had a special turban binder come and bind his turban. The whole wedding party did look fabulous on the day.

Pre-wedding celebrations sending off the bride and groom into their new lives were certainly always a thing, for example with the ancient Greeks. They just seem to have to have gone out of fashion in Western society, possibly due to the puritan movements of the 16th century.

In Germany the tradition is a "Polterabend" where the couple celebrate together with all their friends and the guests smash crockery outside the house and the couple have to sweep up the shards. This is reminiscent of the crockery and glass smashing traditions at Greek and Jewish weddings. However my eldest son and daughter-in-law had separate hen and stag dos organised by their friends. The boys did go to Hooters, but it wasn't really their thing (I was led to understand). The girls had a Chinese meal and went to a karaoke bar, but all of this was in their home town.

The brothers Grimm describe a "Polterabend" in their dictionary (19th century). Then, as now,, this involved merry-making, games and pranks (usually at the couple's expense)

I tried to have a get-together the evening before my wedding but I hadn't told many of my friends about it and anyway they had mostly moved away by then, so it was basically an awkward afternoon with cups of tea at the house of my one friend who was still there and who was going to be a bridesmaid.

Some years ago we took our DD, DS and their families on a short cruise to celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary. On board were a rude, sometimes obscene, gaggle of girls, dressed as sailors and having a Hen party. On of the most unladylike women wore a band stating ‘ Mother of the bride’. They spoilt most things. Breakfast, dinner, the pool, the cinema. There were numerous complaints and our cruis was not as nice as we had hoped. Disembarking they were still screeching and screaming.

NotSpaghetti

Some stag dos are enjoyed though.
I know this from talking about them with my sons.

They aren't always drunken strip clubs and bad behaviour you know!

... I do know - that's why I mentioned "some" of these events.

It's quite obvious they don't all follow the same format.

Our daughters did not have hen parties prior to their weddings. Nor did my brother have stag events for any of his marriages.

However, recently one daughter, a widow (60), did have a fantastic hen do in Italy with our daughters. They all loved it. My brother also had a stag night prior to his recent wedding (his late 60s), enjoyed by all.

Wonderfully fun events, popular currently.

Some stag dos are enjoyed though.
I know this from talking about them with my sons.

They aren't always drunken strip clubs and bad behaviour you know!

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/nov/14/what-men-really-think-about-stag-parties

An interesting article where men have expressed their true feelings about the 'lad' culture that pervades some of these stag events.

It seems they go along with the excessive and sometimes lewd behaviour, the strip clubs and the ritual humiliation of the groom because they don't want to be the party-pooper. But the men interviewed quite clearly did not enjoy it.

Mollygo - wandering through Canal Street in fairy wings and a tiara, what larks. I don’t expect you were the only one wearing a bit of flash.
Your post made me smile 😃

Tizliz

I think that young people today want experiences rather than materialism, and I don’t blame them. They will spend enough of their lives worrying about money and children, so enjoy themselves while they can.

But those 'experiences' involved with stag and hen events can cost quite a lot of money - especially if they've been organised by companies specialising in 'events'!

The invitees might already be worrying about money and children - depending on the age group.

Of course, the more savvy will organise their own activities... and the more sober won't go OTT - so it could be a relatively inexpensive fun time.

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Why are women's bridal parties called hen parties and men's called stag parties?

Stags - magnificent, haughty, in charge

Hens, clucking busily around the farmyard then being hustled along by the cockerel!

Time the name was changed 😁

I think that young people today want experiences rather than materialism, and I don’t blame them. They will spend enough of their lives worrying about money and children, so enjoy themselves while they can.

I went out to dinner in Covent Garden with close friends. Frankly, the fashion for OTT hen and stag dos is just a few, very high profile events, we don't see the quiet night out with a few friends ones. As long as nobody is expected to get into debt to join in, or host one, then it really doesn't concern me. Life is too short to worry about people having a good time!

I've no sympathy for those who waste money on hen does and then moan about the cost of houses and mortgages.

There was one particular thread that was breathtaking, where the summons was issued by the mother of the bride to the bride's friends, it went something along these lines "X is having her hen do something like 18 months hence, so you've no ifs, no buts, start saving now, the cost was going to be", if I remember rightly, something in the region of well over £1,000, maybe £1,500 for a week in Europe

Yes I remember that thread. Endless laughs.

Some of the threads about so called "destination" hens/weddings are amazing. In some of the parties the bride goes free and all the hens subsidise her.

When I was married in the late 1960s (divorced 3 years later) the only hens were a restaurant meal or for the more extreme, a real Liverpool pub crawl ending up at one of the less reputable clubs.

I never had or went on one. I would rather cut my throat with a rusty saw. Ive only ever been to 3 weddings in my life (and one was mine).

But hey, whatever floats your boat.

Wow, I am so glad that when we married in 1961, that I had not heard of 'hen and stag' does!
Actually I was in hospital, having my tonsils out, shortly before the wedding, so bless him, DH organised, found and paid for my wedding bouquet.
Sometimes I do think that the more that is spent on these very extravagant weddings, the shorter they last.
It must put a strain on all pockets involved, so well done to those who say no.

when we got married we had a simple wedding with close family,in the New Forest and then flew to Greece for our honeymoon. Our money went into buying and furnishing a house.. such a good choice because by the time I was 38 we owned it outright.. my son however was expected to pay for himself to go abroad for a week in order to be best man at a wedding.. left him massively out of pocket

I married when we were all very short of money - so no hen/stag things. My daughter (for whom money was not a problem) arranged a fascinator tutorial and making session followed by a meal - all ages enjoyed it and no silly excess of money or drink. Plenty of opportunity for chat and exchange of news etc.